Living in the Matrix

I am a broke philanthropist.

I am a firm believer of giving. Always have been. Of recent, I have been inspired by Shaq and his desire to bail homeowners out of their mortgage crisis. Though I have my own theories about the adjustable rates and interest only loans, I do believe that his heart is in the right place. He is always thinking of others. Even in his adopted town of Los Angeles, he does his Shaq-A-Claus events, where he gives away hundreds of thousands of clothes and food for those that need it.

Most people, rich or poor, do not feel or believe in that.

When I was a child, before my parents separated, my father was good on that. He is an extremely observant and intuitive man who has a knack for identifying a need. There was MANY a day where my brother's friends would come over, and he would all of a sudden take off for hours with the boys, and then everyone would come back with a new pair of kicks (friends included). I believe, this is where I get my generosity from.

Generosity doesn't mean being a sucka. This is not about this conversation. But it does mean, that most people are in a position to alter the course of some one's life, by a simple gift in kind. Money is relative. Fifty dollars is a fortune to someone struggling.

But, alas again, most people are concerned about 'me and mine'. But that's not how life is. And for people that may say that my unmarried, childless self will feel different when my circumstances change, I say.

That's a dayum lie. Do you know how many miserable, unhappy married folks I know (as well as single). So that isn't a predictor for joy, so save that for the folks that take the blue pill.

Granted, you shouldn't be concerned about others if you're barely getting by yourself, but generally speaking most people at some point, have a surplus in their lives where they can help. And, it's not always about MONEY. If you don't have the tools financially to support someone, use other skills: Be a companion, a confidant. Use your skills (creative or otherwise), to give someone that shot in the arm that they desperately need. Use your love, or time, or support, or communicating. You may have a resource for someone, if in fact, you are not in a position to help in any way. That's call connecting. That's creating a support system.

There is a difference between a handout and a helping hand. And everyone needs that. In our Western Civilization and culture, we are not trained to develop our minds like such; being in the mode of giving, and creating your own communities to become interdependent upon each other. In doing so, we create a strong hand where all of us can utilize each others resources. The Mormons do it all the time. As Don Cornelius says, you can bet your bottom dollar that you will NEVER see a broke Mormon.

What about us? We have the ability and opportunity to do it ourselves. This is what creates your true family and community. What good is our lives and what we have lived to obtain (i.e., the AmeriKKKan dream), if we don't pay it forward, and use our resources to build others lives, as well as OURS.

Otherwise, we take the blue pill and are living in the Matrix. Going back and forth in our routines, making sure that we are set, that WE are okay, and that WE have what we need. And everybody else, well, just get in where you fit in.

Take the red pill.

Question for the day: If you had an abundance of resources (Time, Money, etc.), where/who would you give to?

Addition by Subtraction

My niece is getting married in July. Her fiance claims that most of what she does regarding the wedding budget, is take some money from another part of the wedding, reduce the cost in that area, and then add it to another part of the wedding budget from some other areas she wants it in. He calls it "Addition by Subtraction".

I couldn't have said it better. But not for the wedding, for my life. You have to lose something in order to get something else that's needed, or wanted, for yourself, so you can be of better servitude to others. We are here to live and to serve, and not to be served. This I know. Now, y'all know I'm not one for putting my bidness out there in the skreets, so you can surmise/deduce what's been cracking in my life, based on what I have learned so far this year:

- To gain love from others, I had to lose it from another.

- When you change the things you think about, the things that you think about will change.

- To have the opportunity to branch off into a new career, I had to lose the one I had.

- To gain strength, I had to show weakness.

- You have to give up being right in and give in to being open to what's right.

- To slay the green eyed monster, I had to fall on my own sword.

- I took a trip to hell and back in order to really know who the Angel of Light is. So, the next time someone tells me to "Go to Hell" - My response will be. . ."I've been there - didn't like it.".

- To experience truth, I had to face where I was not being genuine.

- I can never be bought - or sold. A price has already been paid for me.

- To bring someone closer, I had to let someone go.

- To trust others, I had to have my trust shattered.

- To acquire resources, I had to turn to THE source.

- Don't talk about the speck in someone else's eye when you have a plank in your own.

- You have to get dirty to become clean.

- Pimping ain't easy, but somebody's got to do it.

I'm back. But don't call it a comeback.

What have you, lost, but subsequently gained?

Or, do you agree with any of what I've said?

Tipping the Scales

A few weeks ago, I attended a high school graduation. When it came time for the valedictorian speech, I prepared myself for the yawnfest that I was about to hear.

The Valedictorian started talking about everything that she has done to maintain her 4.7 GPA, blah, blah, blah. . .

**Sidebar** WTH do you need to DO to get a 4.7 GPA I will never understand. An A++++?

Anyway, she mentioned how she would study on the weekends, and study all night, on holidays, during other celebrations, etc., etc. Before my head slammed into the concrete from being lulled to sleep, she transitioned into what she missed out on as a result of this: She said she missed many dances, dates, and good times with friends and family because of her incessant study habits. And for that, she said that her life was out of balance. She indicated, that as a result of that, she missed core activities and just general fun that should be mandated as a teen, and, although school is a serious subject, that she took it too seriously, and now wishes that she had created more of a balance in her life. Subsequently, she turned down an offer for one school (Berkeley) to go to another one (San Francisco), because she knew she would fall into the same pattern if she were to attend Berkeley, and that, SF offered more of a well, BALANCE between academia and just living the collegiate life.

She encouraged the graduating class to create a balance in their lives. She flipped the script on them and said that maybe if they PARTIED too much, perhaps they can provide an adequate balance in their own lives by focusing more on studies, and creating opportunities to make time for both. She wrapped up her speech by wishing and hoping the best for the students, and also commenting that she hoped that what she said to them will have an impact on their lives.

I don't know about them, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.

There are a lot of good attributes about myself. There are traits that I have acknowledged within myself, personally, professionally, emotionally, and financially, that are equally outstanding, as well as deficient. I have decided to make a conscious effort to work on the things that are deficient. I don't profess to ever have strong suits on things that I am weak in (such as math); these are not the issues that I refer to. I am talking about relationship and character building. The things that will transition you from one point of your life to another. You should NEVER measure yourself against other people. Only against who you are and who you would like to be. I don't promise to work on them all at one time, and I will no doubt fall off the wagon a time or two, however, Radio Flyer Beware, I'm going to get back on the wagon, and as such, I have decided to commit to the following things.

1. Work and Life Balance. I haven't been on vacation in over a year. And it's not because I'm a workaholic. I would rather be on a boat with music and a book. It's generally because I find other things to do in the area, and excuses where I can allocate the funds elsewhere. I KNOW this is not a good thing and I don't profess it to be so. But I am going to firmly commit to going on one very soon.

2. More exercise. Don't get enough of it. I am a LOT better with it than in previous years. But the issue that generally comes up is the BWH Syndrome (Black Woman Hair); sweat is Kryptonite to our hair. This can be a challenge during your workout regimens, but I can't really use that for an excuse, I have more than enough hair to pull in a ponytail, even though I think I look ridiculous in them, but whatever - it will just have to do. I am looking hungrily to any person that comes up with a way to isolate and contain the sweat from the hair follicles. This person, will in fact become the next Madame CJ Walker in black women's eyes.

3. Being Open. I used to equate being open with vulnerability. But so what if it is? There is nothing wrong with being open, or human, or authentic about what you feel. Keeping it closed in on the inside doesn't change how you feel. No man or woman is a mind reader - and, they probably want to know what you are thinking anyway. And even if they don't it's not healthy keeping all that stuff in.

4. Time management/Scheduling. It's not as if I don't know how to do it. I just don't take the time to do it! :) However, planning your day and your week out for both personal and professional fulfillment often times leaves you MORE open for time for other things, instead of running around like an African Banshee trying to do things at the last minute.

5. Letting go. I believe that's a challenge for many people. I don't harbor resentments against people per se, but I do go on my PH (not player hater - those are my initials) standoffs for people that have tried to throw me under the bus. Anything and everything can happen in the course of one minute (including death), and I don't have the time, energy, or desire to hold onto past things that I can't quite remember what happened ANYWAY, or the offending party has let go of on their own as well. I am not going to be a black woman with issues kind of chick (not that I am), but I'm certainly not going to start any tradition - or create a memory of me being unforgiving. I may, one day, want and need the opportunity to redeem myself - more sooner than later, no doubt.

6. Taking Risks. My teenage years and early twenties were SO serious - too serious (based on some personal circumstances). I didn't really have the opportunity to take risks the way people could - and should do, at that age. I have just recently made some HUGE decisions that will impact my life for the better, but it was, in fact, a risk. A risk that I was not necessary ready to take, but was, ultimately, the best thing I could have done. Someone else who will remain nameless, has also taken a risk with me and on me, and I cannot thank her enough for that. (More on that later).

So, to the Valedictorian of Mayfair High School, your message did get across. To create a balance. And as for THIS Libra, I am now, tipping the scales.

What about you? How is YOUR life? Need to create a balance? If so, in what? (if you are so willing to share. . .)

The Alpha and Omega

Have a Great Weekend, Everyone!