The Crying Game - **UPDATED**

Friend of mines. New to the internet dating scheme. He's been wounded in real life. In fact, it's THIS guy. Well, he met some 'chick' online, and they have been going at it (online and over the phone) for three months. Now, whether you've ventured into the internet dating scene yourself, or you know people you have, there is no gray ground. It either turns out to be absolutely catastrophic, or a happily ever after experience. (E-Harmony, anyone?)

Needless to say, he called me today to tell me that he has a number change due to some cell phone drama at his other provider. (Translation: Ran up his bill talking to ole girl). He also called to communicate that he has a new career opportunity, that would require him to train for five months in Houston, TX (He is from the "OC"). As painful as it would be for him to be away from his 8 year old son that long, he kept telling me that would be good, because 'his girl' lives there, and 'his girl' this and 'his girl' that. I finally asked him "Well, I don't talk to you much anymore, and you haven't updated me on ole girl, so what's up with y'all?" to which (condensed version), he says:

- I'm in love. She totally has my heart.

- I am going to marry this woman

- She is my soulmate. I have NEVER felt anything like this before.

- She's the one.

- We are getting married in the Virgin Islands. I want you to come.

- She has my heart. I'm hopeless.

Blog Fam: I have known this man for five years. I have NEVER heard his voice sound like this. EVAH!!!

Now, with all he said, I am thinking, at the same time:

- I've seen her pictures

- Her breasts look augmented

- She always shows from the waist up, and not the hips

- Pictures are bright enough to see, but dim enough not to see ENOUGH.

- It doesn't look like her apartment has any furniture in it.

- I think 'she' is a 'SHIM'.

- All of her pictures are profiles and not straight up looks.

- Her hands are large. As in "These look like a man's hands with acrylic" type of large.

- Email address is Nu Image (WTF?)

He is so far gone that I don't believe that anything I tell him will dissuade him. I believe that this is part of the ploy from Wong Foo. Get him down there so he won't want to look at your goodies, then, go downtown on him, pull a 68 you owe me one, and considering that this SHIM can probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose, that won't help matters much.

I don't want to sound like a spoil sport. However, I certainly don't want him to go down there blind and then come back crushed from some BS. I don't mind communicating the information to him; however, what if the chances are that the SHIM is, in fact, a SHE? Then I've communicated to him that I think his girl is a Ru-Paul rip off, he is going to be HOT, at the least, feeling hurt at the most.

I have considered just sending him an email of love, letting him know that in the world of dating, LET ALONE INTERNET DATING (which I have not tried, but I would assume,) is very easy to exhale. It's almost like folks that write you from jail - people are on their best behavior. They can create whoever they want to be. And to be careful and safe as he travels halfway across the country for love. I almost think that he HAS to go down there, and, if things do not turn out favorably, then that is a harsh, raw, lesson to be learned, and that he can move forward from there. I am hoping against hope that he hasn't met Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and I will certainly keep you posted.

Out of respect, I will not put the pictures up. I truly hope that he has found the woman of his dreams. I really hope that she is just an exotic, different looking kind of CHICK, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I would be the farm that this person is a MAN!

**UPDATED** I have a friend, who is a MASTER at all things internet related, including dating. I asked his advice about this as well (and showed him the pictures). He didn't necessarily agree with my pronouncement of her being a Wong Foo, but he did say, and I quote: "I don't think this is a man. She looks OK, but something is not right. I added her to my IM and will try to see what the hell is up with this chick". And TRUSS! He will do it. . . He has NO shame :) THANKS, UNCLE B-LOVE!

What Should I Say/Do?

The "N" Word

Don Imus. Rutgers Women's Basketball Team. Al Sharpton. Women's Organizations.

Say all these names together and you will think of the telecast that featured Don Imus and those three words that turned into an outrage that equaled "We're Mad As Hell and We're Not going to Take it Anymore".

Women's Groups all around the country jockeyed for position, calling it sexist most of all. That these women, future leaders in their own professions, were subjected to the crude comments of an antiquated jockey, who, albeit a shock jock, had crossed the Mason - Dixon line and had entered into a territory of warfare.

Al Sharpton & Co. were also in the mix indicating that NOT only were they offended and angry, they wanted Imus to apologize. Others called for (and subsequently received), his job on a platter bigger than the one that carried the head of John the Baptist.

Those Three Words. The words that shocked and angered everyone into a frothy tizzy.

But to most black women, there was only one word we heard.

NAPPY.

The word that has been used in anger, teasing, jokes, sadness, envy, and even pride. The word that chases many women around for being "too black" and haunts other black women for not being "black enough". This is the word that the word Jheri, California, "S", and even Soul Glo were able to mask. This was the word, used in the very self absorbed, non "free to be me" 1980's that distinguished who was good looking, and who WASN'T. And we can't say it was perpetuated by men, I'm NOT going to go there. Some of the worst offenders of this came from women. You can't imagine how many women I've heard be concerned about what kind of HAIR their children are going to have. Exactly where does that come from?

I can tell you myself, when I was communicating what Don Imus said to many of my girlfriends, mostly all of them said with a loud resonating voice "Who was he calling NAPPY?"

It's a word, even know, if used in comedy, or even as a timeclock to you knowing it's time for you to get your hair done, means something to most black women. It means something is WRONG. It means something is askew. It means "fix it". AND, if you think that we have gotten past it, think again. . . Listen in on any descriptive conversation of a generation Y-or Z-er any.given.day for a rude awakening. . .

Authentically speaking, I can't say that I was ever the target of that word, but I can tell you that I heard it enough in passing, describing hair textures for both boys AND girls. One of my self absorbed, narcisisstic friends, now even compares her son's hair to others, and the word "good" and "bad" come out of her mouth on the regular.

Not as vicious in adulthood (but still prevalent) as it was in childhood, the word Nappy generates images of people unhappy with the skin (or hair, for that matter) that they are in, and equally as bad, the notion that the hair shaft is tightly wound and requires more treatment to manage, versus straight, signifies something in a culture that has always has to fight - for an identity and everything else. It signifies something for a culture - a culture that had to be created from the legacy that was originally stripped from them.

There is no clearly defined texture of what represents us - be it Afro-Cuban, Black American, Honduras, Boricua, French-Canadian (Creole), Blasian, or any combination thereof. It represents all of us, and neither should it be a reason to envy or love one more than the other, especially for something that delves into the minutia of determining what is 'good' and what is 'bad' as it relates to hair texture.

So, let your soul glo. . . .

What are Your Thoughts?

There's Something About Mary

Recently, I had went over to one of the blogs where I am just generally a silent lurker, James Manning. He talks about top tens all the time: Top ten comedians, top ten actors/actresses, etc. etc. This particular time, the post was titled "The Top Ten Celebrities I'm just not feeling".

I was ROLLING! I didn't know which was funnier - HIS comments or other peoples commentaries. In any case, it had been something that I had been thinking about for awhile but never really put the post into manifestation, not wanting to sound like a player hater regarding the people that just get on my nerves (which coincidentally, Playa HATER also corresponds with the initials to my name). In fact, one of my other favorite reads, the artist formerly known as T-Cas, used to go on his various rants and raves regarding these folks, one of which was the singer Joe, to which he has readily admitted that he has no valid reason not to like him. . .

There are innumerable celebrities, that, even though I am by no means BFF's with ANY of them, that there is just SOMETHING about them that I can't put my finger on, that just annoys the hell out of me. Not annoying to the point where I'll put up a blog in the name of extinguishing them from all public rememberance, but just annoying enough where I'll have a comment or so periodically regarding them. You know, annoying, like a chalkboard screech or someone smacking gum. So, without further adieu, here's my Ten Spot, my "There's Something About Them" that works my nerves. True enough these people will forever have more money in one day than I make in a calendar month, so who am I to say anything? I'm P, that's who. Also, my irritation is an equal opportunity employer - you will find a spread of men and women, black and white, Jews and Gentiles.

Kathy Griffin. I don't like this chick. She's not funny, nor is she entertaining. I don't understand her brand of humor and I don't think it's because she's not black. And YES, I felt this way before she made it known that she was a militant atheist and told Jesus to "Suck it" at the Emmy Awards (thought that certainly didn't help her cause). Her faces looks contorted and she just looks mean spirited. Not a fan at all.

Erykah Badu: I expect to get some flack and lose some cool points from this one, no doubt one of them being from Sha-Boogie. I never got into her 'neo soul, sticky-icky, you have understand what she's saying to feel what she's saying hidden meaning shit' that she does. I just never bought the whole Africana Soul sister number one cutting her hair, philosopicizin way about her. Personally, it's annoying. There are a few songs that I like from her, (two, at best, three - Tyrone, Next Lifetime, and some other one I don't feel like remembering). Baduizm: Not for me.

George Clooney: What's up with this guy? He's CORNY. I can't even look at him without thinking about him being on the Facts of Life. He's running on a bunch of hot air to me. Plus he looks like an asshole. At this point, I know my post is sounding like I'm a hater, but I just don't like the cat. He does NOTHING for me.
Eve: She ALMOST didn't make make my list. I KIND of like her so we will just asterick her, kind of like Barry Bonds home runs and the first San Antonio Spurs half season championship win. . . .BUT. . .Something about her smile is really sinister. And, even though I know she grew up stripping and freaking, I think that Hollyweird has really took her by storm, and I don't think she is as soulful as she claims to admit. And the whole glossy gloss appeal makes me do nothing but, well, look at her gloss. Granted, you have to dot your eyes and cross your t's in this industry, and keep with good company - otherwise you'll end up a disgraced owner of Bad Newz Kennels; however, she just weirds me out for no full authentic reason.

Will and Jada: Just a personal thing. He's weirded me out since Fresh Prince. He scares me and I don't know why. I also don't think he's a very good actor. I think he is an OK actor. I think he is even less of a comedian and an above average rapper. She, Jada, Wicked Wisdom Jada, producer extraordinaire Jada, was two snaps and a twist away from a life of oblivion, with notable movies such as "A Low Down Dirty Shame" AND "Woo" before she was rescued by Will. I also think that both of them are freek-a-leeks, but that might me just OD'ing on too many gossip blogger sites.

Aisha Tyler: I'm not sure where she fits in in the scheme of African American actresses. I don't like the 'sister girl' attitude that she tries to reflect. It's inauthentic. I don't like the way she wears her makeup, either it looks ridiculous.

Rosie O'Donnell: I would suppose this is a given; although I know that many people are Rosie fans. I can only say that I think that Rosie is a very, sad, unhappy, bitter individuals that disguises that pain into political and personal rants and raves. I also think that her sexual preference gets inserted in there at will and she also uses that as a tool to ignite unnecessary controversy. I believe that, even though she has very vocal opinions, ANY opinion that is unlike her own is invalid to her, and thus, subject to a round of Rosie Rants.

Justin Timberlake. He lost his card after the Janet Jackson debacle. He's not cool. But he, and the listening audience seems to think so! And he didn't bring Sexy back, even Prince said so! :). And, I just don't like that "I'm Justin Timberlake" look that he has on his face all the time.

Rachael Ray: How many effen times can you make something in thirty minutes (or less) that involves Chicken Stock, and a little bit of EVOO? I don't know how she manages to cook meat and pasta, dessert and a little bit of anything else in the course of that time and everything turns out "YUMMO!". Eew. No thanks.

So, again, even though these people have obtained obscene amounts of money and fame beyond what can imagine, these people, are in fact, on my warm close personal list of "There's Something Not Quite Right" about these folks. I could be as far off as Michael Vick having a chance in hell in getting elected to the hall of fame, or I could be SPOT on.

What Celebrities are YOU just not feeling, and why? Any honorary mentions to add to the list??

Irrational Fears/Phobias - Part Deux

One of my favorite posts on her blog was the post on Irrational Phobias. I thought when I was reading it that it was more funny than anything. I want to say I was sympathetic to what people were saying, but the manner in which they were commenting and the far out things that were being said (present company included) just kept me ROLLING for the entire post.

She was referring to things (irrational maybe to US - totally legitimate and valid to those who deal with it) that people just don't like. That which gives you the heebie-jeebies, or, something that, you just can't put your finger on, just gives you the creeps. If you look in her comments section, you would be surprised at some of the stuff that really just gets under people's skin.

Taken from the irrational phobia dictionary. Supa has some personal ones that she picked out on her post regarding this as well; and here are some of the ones that I found interesting:

Botanophobia: Fear of plants.
Chaetophobia: Fear of hair.
Enetophobia: Fear of pins.
Euphobia: Fear of hearing good news. (what the hell is THAT about)
Textophobia: Fear of certain fabrics. (I think this might be me)
Graphophobia: Fear of writing or handwriting.

Okay, you get the point.

My friend was watching the Maury Povich show, and she said there were people on there that were deathly afraid of different things, up to an including: Mustard, balloons, and clowns. She told me that these people would take off running (stop laughing!) when presented with these things that they feared.

Now, I won't go as far as saying that I'm fearful of particular things, but I must admit that I Do have some irrational phobias that have made many of my friends and family chuckle. Supa in particular (and I'm not telling her business, it's on her post), actually talks about her fear of pine cones.

I have another girlfriend who doesn't cook with anything but wooden utensils, because she doesn't like the sound of metal against any of her cooking products. It's not anything that's a scraping sounds, she doesn't like the way it sounds AT ALL. I have another friend who doesn't like how honeycombs look and, in fact, instructed one of the salespeople at our job that she would NOT help him unless he took off that tie, because it was distracting her. Him, knowing how she was, took it all in stride and promptly removed the tie.

My niece doesn't like to see anything that is bundled or bunched together (like a pack of birds, or a bunch of say, teddy bears in one spot). She gets creeped out.

On to me. . .there is only one thing that bothers me. Unusual patterns. My hairs on my arms and the back of my neck are standing up even as I type this.

If you are wondering what kinds of patterns, it's not all of them, but if it is going in a certain direction, or too many directions, or just has a weird look to it, for some reason it just triggers something in my nervous system and it gives me the CREEPS! One such pattern is crop circles. I have heard that the Mel Gibson movie "Signs" is an EXCELLENT movie . . .however, you won't catch me dead watching it because of the crop circles. Now, I can sit and watch an autopsy, faces of death, and any other bloody mess, but show me a crop circle or a wall with too many cracks in it, or some fabric that has way too much going on it in, and I'm NOT going to be happy.

I don't even like typing the word crop circles.

Stop laughing.

Anyway, I know there are innumerable people in the world with their own idiosynchracies. Some people don't like heights, some people can't sleep or eat without certain items, so let us know what they are. . .

Do you or someone you know have an irrational phobia?