Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Nominees for the Dumb Azz Mofo Award

Today, ladies and gentleman, we will be taking nominations in the category of the dumb azz M.O.F.O. (previously known as mutha fucka) awards. These awards are not gender specific, and showcase and profile those in our community who have made a fool of themselves in the art of life. M.O.F.O. Stands for Most Outstanding Foolishness Overall.

I nominate my friend, "Greg Mathers" (The names have been changed to protect the guilty)

Greg is an attractive, six three, two twenty (with dimples - which I would rather call indentations) in his face. He is college educated, who 'had' a six figure income. (More to come on that)

Greg has one child by his ex-wife, Greg Junior, whom he adores. Greg is in love with 'Victoria' his 'girlfriend' of the past five years.

Greg works in the mortgage industry. Victoria is 34 and just started working when she was 28 years old and this is why.

- From 17 to 22 she was going out with what we called back in the day, someone who slangs.
- From 22 to 28 she went out with a professional football player.

Then she gets with Greg. Over the past five years, Greg has given her everything she wanted. And when I say everything, I.DO.MEAN.EVERYTHING.

- Designer Purses
- Shoes
- Trips
- Paid Off her Debts - When his mother had a ten year old Saturn that was giving her problems.
- Co-Signed for her a Car
- Cooked and Cleaned (she doesn't do either)
- Went shopping with and for her
- Paid for her hair and nails
- Bought her a 15K wedding ring and mounted it for another 5K.****

To that you say "What's wrong with that?" I'll reserve my personal feeling for that later.

Hell, no, I'm not going to reserve my feeling for later this is my sheeat right here. Technically, you don't do that much for ANYONE that is not your wedding wife/husband, whateva.

So, again, to that you say "What's wrong with getting hooked up?" Oh, nothing, except for the fact that. . .

- Victoria talks to him any kind of way
- She still maintained what she called a 'friendship' with the football player
- Her pendulum swung in both directions
- She would keep males as 'females' in her phone directory in cell phone (oldest trick in the cell phone book. . .er, at least that's what somebody told me).

Over a year ago, she took a job with his mortgage company with him. She met a guy, 'Evans', on her team (an associate of Greg's), and to make a long story short, what I'll do it tell you what she said or did (in Purple), how Greg responded (in blue), and what was the subsequent result.

"Evans likes me. He buys me coffee every day, He's my friend"
"He is a predator, leave him alone"
Truth: They both are starting to have feeling for each other.

"There is nothing wrong with us being friends, you are too jealous"
" I trust that you will end this relationship and friendship, or whatever you want to call it"
Truth: They talk on the phone, every night, at least through 1 am on a cell phone that Greg pays for.

"We are just friends, we talk on the phone about different things"
"Not on my phone you won't"
Truth: They start talking on the house phone, that is also in Greg's name

"He only came by my new place because he was in the neighborhood"
"He is a predator, don't you get it?"
TRUTH: Greg sees them, on more than one occasion driving down the street together.

"Oh, we just went out to dinner, no big deal"
"For what, why would you take him, If I can take you?"
TRUTH: She tells Greg that she needs some space.

Exit, stage left. Greg leaves his six figure income job of three years because he can't handle the stress of being around 'Evans the predator' to go to another company, where he doesn't know anything about the commission structure. Furthermore, he ends up crashing and burning for the next four months, going into debt, and running into a lot of financial problems.

Back to the story.

"The rubber came off"
"He is so irresponsible, he got YOU pregnant. See how much of a predator he is." You thought he was going to be your savior. He just wants to be me"
"I want you in the delivery room, not him"
"You should. He can just look through the window. You shouldn't invite him in.
"He told me he has been thinking of ways to kill me"
"That's what you get for thinking that he was going to be your savior"

TRUTH: The hell with what she says, she was raw-dogging it from day one. She was at least one month pregnant when he left his job. She talked to Greg through her eighth month, and then in her ninth month, stopped talking to him. I have a co-worker that I work with that knows her indirectly; she never stopped being with Evans and even went to Vegas with him a few times while all of them were still working at the company. The baby was born two weeks ago, and she hasn't talked to Greg for over a month, considering she stopped working, and Evans has been kicking her down.

Now, I can't knock her hustle. Keep in mind, none of this can happen without him co-signing on all of this. This is why he is has been identified as the M.O.F.O of the year.

In addition: Greg found hotel receipts. Victoria told him that she rented the hotel room for friends. Victoria told him she was going to her girlfriends house to hang out for the weekend. Greg told ME "Well, all of her friends are bi, and mess around with each other. . . Well, everyone except for HER, she doesn't DO that, maybe back in the day she did dirt with them, but she is not like that anymore".

Greg totally blames Evans. He says that Evans wants to be him and wants everything that he has.

Well, Greg, right now you don't have anything. You filed for bankruptcy, had to borrow some money from your homies, and now, you are working in a group home, as well as doing valet parking at the airport on the weekends.

****Note re: 20K ring. The jeweler told Greg that he would buy it back from him, (less ten percent)

Greg won't sell it. He.Wont.Sell.It.

This is K-PAT FM's official submission and nomination for the M.O.F.O awards.

Any nominations? Do you concur?


That Girl Tam said...

Everytime we talk about this stupid mutha fucka I just wanna throw up!!! And SOMEBODY (I don't know who would giveafuck like that) needs to kick that bitches ASS!!! *sigh* I can't stand dumb M.O.F.O.s!!!

Oh yeah...YAY I'm first!!!

mrs.tj said...

What in the HELL!
The first thing I would have done was sell the ring. Obviously he still has feelings for her and no matter how dirty she did him, or how stupid she is making him look he ain't going to leave it alone until HE knows he's a Dumb Azz Mofo. You can't NEVER change a ho into a housewife...that was his first and most important mistake. Truth Hurts.

Dumb Azz Mofo nomination...people who put soda in the babies bottle!

Folks who go on Maury for a surprise makeover...SURPRISE that baby ain't yours and/or your man got someone else preggers!

BossMack said...

Wow, Can you say WEENIE DUDE! I thought you could. I am so happy tha Mack God smiles on me and blesses me with avdanced Bitcholoy Wisdom.

P said...

@ Tam:

Girl, he is spineless. She even told him "If you would MAN up to me and say no to me sometimes, perhaps I would not act like this"

Oh, by the way, he told me that he loves her to death, and that he put her above all else. That's okay in the right context, but last year, at her brother's wedding, she fainted because she was so hot. He was arguing with her father, because her father ran and picked her up.

He said her father shouldn't have done that, that he should have been the one who scooped her up.


@ Mrs T.J:

Eew with the soda and the baby's bottle. Also, why would ANYONE go on Maury and any of those other shows and not THINK that something funky is about to go down.

Miss Ahmad said...

Well Gregg sounds a mess but the real mess sounds like girl friend.

i mean her inability to accept or give love kinda makes her the worst of the worst. it's easy to make fun of a man who is a fool for love, but a woman who thinks that her foolish games will get her a win in the end...well she's the bigger fool!

check on her in five years when your boy is on the come back and she's slipping and sliding trying to hold on to what she thought life was gonna be, wishing she had her figure back!


Cool AC said...

OMG!!! How can you be friends with him if he is that stupid? I couldn't deal with it. I would be like dude I warned you and now I don't wantto be associated with the foolishness.

So, he still had the ring and has filed for bankrupcy? That is crazy! Dude, pay your debt with the ring! HELLO!! Something is not right in his head...

P said...

Miss Ahmad:

I'm with you on that one. Even when he was with her, she was one of those kind of folks, that no matter how you tried, you couldn't find anything nice to say about her. I wasn't hating, cuz I don't want his azz. I mean just the things he would tell me.

Cool AC:

Good question. We have NOT been as close as we used to be in the previous years. I actually had decided, some time ago, to cut myself off from him, not in a cold way, but I wasn't going to waste my energy on him. I'm NOT being judgemental and I'm not being critical, but I'm not the only one that has told him to move on. Even her OWN TWIN BROTHER told him to leave her be.

The only reason why now he is technically leaving her alone is because she is not calling him, what with the newborn and all.

Oh, and I have not talked to him in two weeks. Really, AC, I didn't know how deeply disturbed he was, seriously, until I realized that he was not getting it. It really showed up more when he transitioned jobs, left his 130K a year job, and now both of the new parents are still there, clocking dollars, while he's struggling.

Aint NOBODY running me from my money, playing with my money is like playing with my emotions. I might go home and bawl like a baby but I'll be dayum if you are going to run me from MY sheeat!

P said...

@ Tam:

Tell yo girl to stop giving the Asian folks a bad name!

She is Vietnamese and Black.

Miss Ahmad said...

on the real though P. I have watched my home boys go through hell behind women.

It's kinda funny to watch from the sidelines actually because it just lets me know that when man loves a woman there is nothing in the world that will stop him from loving her.

women wanna act all brand new like "i'm not sure how he feels about me" but when a man is loving you, you have no doubts at all...

men will move mountains for the love of a woman, be a damn fool for love, not on some "i hope he calls me.." but some "damn if he didn't call me all day"

don't get me started! Love is love

I over posted. I'm going to the dentist now!

Cocoa Girl said...

Girl, I don't have sheyot that could compete with Greg's ass.

That is straight stupid. It would irritate me for him to even call me. I would cut that one off at the knees!

I cannot deal with stupid friends. They keep drama and it spills over into your terrain...

He said her father shouldn't have done that, that he should have been the one who scooped her up.


P said...

@ Cocoa:

I'm glad you mentioned that.

At first I thought he was a really friendly person

Then I thought that he needed company

Then I started to think he was a bug

Then I started to think he was clingy.

Then I started to think he was crazy. And about the time that I thought he was crazy was when he told me that stuff that happened at the wedding.

If you looked at him, he would be none the wiser, kind of the way women must have looked at Ted Bundy

NegroPino™ said...

HELL NAW!!!!!!!!Greg get everything he deserve..and bitches like VIctoria give us good chicks a BAD Rep.......I just hope he doenst go back to her especially when this Evans guy disses her......what coimes around goes around....

P said...

@ Missy:

Yeah, speaking of that, my coworker who knows her indirectly found out:

1. That Evans has approached two other women at the job.

2. That one of them called her when she was seven months pregnant to tell her so.

3. That everytime he finds out a woman is having a problem with her man, he goes in for the kill. (doesn't mean she has to go for it, but that's just an FYI I wanted to tell you)

chele said...

Give him the award. I don't know anyone that stupid. Why the hell won't he sell the ring? He was probably a relatively intelligent brotha before this chick got to him. It's a shame...the power of the p***y!

nikki said...


i mean, MAN.

that definitely wasn't a good look for that brotha. i feel sorry for any person who gets taken advantage of like that. yeah, he co-signed it. meanwhile, his sense of self-worth has gotta be low if he feels he gotta buy all that stuff and put up with her treatment in order to receive 'love'. i hope he 'gets' it before the next relationship. otherwise, he might have this title for the next ten years.

i'm really pissed off at sista, though. then again, she must have her own issues too if she feels she gotta manipulate folk in order to get what she wants.

that whole situation was painful to read about.

P said...

@ Chele:

He is book smart. But he is MUSH when it comes to women.

@ Nikki:

You are right in that she does have issues. She is a good looking girl, but she has no identity. I don't mean following after men, I just mean, she wraps herself up in things, men, her friends, her cars, her baby, now (that doesn't mean that she is not selfish). No one in her life has EVER let her fall. EVER.

She has readily admitted to 'Greg' that she has issues and that she doesn't know why she does what she does.

He has readily told me that he enveloped his life around her and her family and now that he does not have that, it is hard for him to cope.

That Girl Tam said...

Girl you know vietnamese folks is LAST on the Asian food chain...I shoulda known...

P said...

@ Tam. . .

You are so wrong!


Msnhim said...

That sucks but she only did what he allowed her to do.

Supa said...

Poor dumb fools. BOTH OF THEM!

T. Cas said...

damn, I'm late, but dude got this award on lock. Ain't nothing else to really say about that.

Unruly Brown said...

Now THAT is a dumb sucka-fuh-love azz foo.

Dee said...

Dayum I need me a GREG in my life!!!!!

P said...


Only you would have a COMEBACK answer like so!


Miss Ahmad said...

I was thinking it Dee but I didn't wanna say nothin'. He sounds like my kinda dude, i love a dude that loves to love...

Carmell said...

damn that is sad...

Whirlwind said...

I was told once that only the things that you truely invite to happen to you, do. So Yeah, I would give him the MO'FO' award.

Hey P....please join myself and Misty (see: thingsIstilldontknow.blogspot.com) for our FOTW which is Fucker of the Week awards...we also do FOTM and once a year we tally the votes for "FUCKER OF THE YEAR"....last year my ex-husband won!


Me said...

ok ok hold up - What the HELL am I doing wrong ? what are these women doing to have these men playing themselves like this ?

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

This joker needs the Lifetime Achievement of Dumbazzes Award.


I actually gotta give Victoria props for finding such a gullible man... and she worked him like a rib!

I feel sorry for the brotha, in a way, because once he gets his head on straight and realizes that he's been taken for a ride all these years, he's gonna be one bitter azz man.

P said...


He is bitter. This has a lot to do with it. I think his bubble has been bursted. Even though we (and even he) saw the signs, I think now, with the baby here, and her not talking to him (as much, at least), and him struggling to get back on his feet, AND the other dude kicking Her down, I think he gets it, now.