Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The Crying Game - **UPDATED**

Friend of mines. New to the internet dating scheme. He's been wounded in real life. In fact, it's THIS guy. Well, he met some 'chick' online, and they have been going at it (online and over the phone) for three months. Now, whether you've ventured into the internet dating scene yourself, or you know people you have, there is no gray ground. It either turns out to be absolutely catastrophic, or a happily ever after experience. (E-Harmony, anyone?)

Needless to say, he called me today to tell me that he has a number change due to some cell phone drama at his other provider. (Translation: Ran up his bill talking to ole girl). He also called to communicate that he has a new career opportunity, that would require him to train for five months in Houston, TX (He is from the "OC"). As painful as it would be for him to be away from his 8 year old son that long, he kept telling me that would be good, because 'his girl' lives there, and 'his girl' this and 'his girl' that. I finally asked him "Well, I don't talk to you much anymore, and you haven't updated me on ole girl, so what's up with y'all?" to which (condensed version), he says:

- I'm in love. She totally has my heart.
- I am going to marry this woman
- She is my soulmate. I have NEVER felt anything like this before.
- She's the one.
- We are getting married in the Virgin Islands. I want you to come.
- She has my heart. I'm hopeless.

Blog Fam: I have known this man for five years. I have NEVER heard his voice sound like this. EVAH!!!

Now, with all he said, I am thinking, at the same time:

- I've seen her pictures
- Her breasts look augmented
- She always shows from the waist up, and not the hips
- Pictures are bright enough to see, but dim enough not to see ENOUGH.
- It doesn't look like her apartment has any furniture in it.
- I think 'she' is a 'SHIM'.
- All of her pictures are profiles and not straight up looks.
- Her hands are large. As in "These look like a man's hands with acrylic" type of large.
- Email address is Nu Image (WTF?)

He is so far gone that I don't believe that anything I tell him will dissuade him. I believe that this is part of the ploy from Wong Foo. Get him down there so he won't want to look at your goodies, then, go downtown on him, pull a 68 you owe me one, and considering that this SHIM can probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose, that won't help matters much.

I don't want to sound like a spoil sport. However, I certainly don't want him to go down there blind and then come back crushed from some BS. I don't mind communicating the information to him; however, what if the chances are that the SHIM is, in fact, a SHE? Then I've communicated to him that I think his girl is a Ru-Paul rip off, he is going to be HOT, at the least, feeling hurt at the most.

I have considered just sending him an email of love, letting him know that in the world of dating, LET ALONE INTERNET DATING (which I have not tried, but I would assume,) is very easy to exhale. It's almost like folks that write you from jail - people are on their best behavior. They can create whoever they want to be. And to be careful and safe as he travels halfway across the country for love. I almost think that he HAS to go down there, and, if things do not turn out favorably, then that is a harsh, raw, lesson to be learned, and that he can move forward from there. I am hoping against hope that he hasn't met Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and I will certainly keep you posted.

Out of respect, I will not put the pictures up. I truly hope that he has found the woman of his dreams. I really hope that she is just an exotic, different looking kind of CHICK, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I would be the farm that this person is a MAN!

**UPDATED** I have a friend, who is a MASTER at all things internet related, including dating. I asked his advice about this as well (and showed him the pictures). He didn't necessarily agree with my pronouncement of her being a Wong Foo, but he did say, and I quote
: "I don't think this is a man. She looks OK, but something is not right. I added her to my IM and will try to see what the hell is up with this chick". And TRUSS! He will do it. . . He has NO shame :) THANKS, UNCLE B-LOVE!

What Should I Say/Do?

Friday, November 02, 2007

Scenes We Love - November

I decided to do another take on my Old Skool Joint and throw some movies into the pot. These three scenes need no particular introduction. First scene is aiight, but skip about two minutes into this and you get some classic (fill in the blank). You don't have to be a woman to enjoy the brilliance, the magnificent, the 'realness', for lack of a better word, of this Yale School of Drama graduate. She makes you BELIEVE her character. Few people are able to transcend the ability to do this for me (there are others - Joaquin Phoenix, Denzel, Giancarlo Esposito, Gary Sinise, Don Cheadle, amongst the few who DO). Hey, I don't know what I love more: "You're the Mutha ***** IMPROPER influence!" or "Tramp BIOTCH!" Gotta Love it. Enjoy!