TKO

Hey y'all I have been a day late and a dollar short in posting. There are so many things going on with me, both personally and professionally.

Everything and anything you could imagine, has happened to me in the course of six months (Yes, I am in VERy good health, No, I have NOT been a victim of crime, and NO, I have NOT been knocked up).

Other than the aforementioned, think about something that can happen to a girl in a six month period. YEP, it happened. Check out all my labels for the posting, and you can use your imagination about the "what had happened wuz's"

NOT TO MENTION, my current (and hopefully soon to be past) employer has blocked out blogger. Who do they think they are, when is a girl like me supposed to blow off steam? On my own home computer on my own personal time? Hehehe.

Like the Terminator, I'll be back, and when I am, don't call it a comeback.

Miss P.

The Crying Game - **UPDATED**

Friend of mines. New to the internet dating scheme. He's been wounded in real life. In fact, it's THIS guy. Well, he met some 'chick' online, and they have been going at it (online and over the phone) for three months. Now, whether you've ventured into the internet dating scene yourself, or you know people you have, there is no gray ground. It either turns out to be absolutely catastrophic, or a happily ever after experience. (E-Harmony, anyone?)

Needless to say, he called me today to tell me that he has a number change due to some cell phone drama at his other provider. (Translation: Ran up his bill talking to ole girl). He also called to communicate that he has a new career opportunity, that would require him to train for five months in Houston, TX (He is from the "OC"). As painful as it would be for him to be away from his 8 year old son that long, he kept telling me that would be good, because 'his girl' lives there, and 'his girl' this and 'his girl' that. I finally asked him "Well, I don't talk to you much anymore, and you haven't updated me on ole girl, so what's up with y'all?" to which (condensed version), he says:

- I'm in love. She totally has my heart.

- I am going to marry this woman

- She is my soulmate. I have NEVER felt anything like this before.

- She's the one.

- We are getting married in the Virgin Islands. I want you to come.

- She has my heart. I'm hopeless.

Blog Fam: I have known this man for five years. I have NEVER heard his voice sound like this. EVAH!!!

Now, with all he said, I am thinking, at the same time:

- I've seen her pictures

- Her breasts look augmented

- She always shows from the waist up, and not the hips

- Pictures are bright enough to see, but dim enough not to see ENOUGH.

- It doesn't look like her apartment has any furniture in it.

- I think 'she' is a 'SHIM'.

- All of her pictures are profiles and not straight up looks.

- Her hands are large. As in "These look like a man's hands with acrylic" type of large.

- Email address is Nu Image (WTF?)

He is so far gone that I don't believe that anything I tell him will dissuade him. I believe that this is part of the ploy from Wong Foo. Get him down there so he won't want to look at your goodies, then, go downtown on him, pull a 68 you owe me one, and considering that this SHIM can probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose, that won't help matters much.

I don't want to sound like a spoil sport. However, I certainly don't want him to go down there blind and then come back crushed from some BS. I don't mind communicating the information to him; however, what if the chances are that the SHIM is, in fact, a SHE? Then I've communicated to him that I think his girl is a Ru-Paul rip off, he is going to be HOT, at the least, feeling hurt at the most.

I have considered just sending him an email of love, letting him know that in the world of dating, LET ALONE INTERNET DATING (which I have not tried, but I would assume,) is very easy to exhale. It's almost like folks that write you from jail - people are on their best behavior. They can create whoever they want to be. And to be careful and safe as he travels halfway across the country for love. I almost think that he HAS to go down there, and, if things do not turn out favorably, then that is a harsh, raw, lesson to be learned, and that he can move forward from there. I am hoping against hope that he hasn't met Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and I will certainly keep you posted.

Out of respect, I will not put the pictures up. I truly hope that he has found the woman of his dreams. I really hope that she is just an exotic, different looking kind of CHICK, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I would be the farm that this person is a MAN!

**UPDATED** I have a friend, who is a MASTER at all things internet related, including dating. I asked his advice about this as well (and showed him the pictures). He didn't necessarily agree with my pronouncement of her being a Wong Foo, but he did say, and I quote: "I don't think this is a man. She looks OK, but something is not right. I added her to my IM and will try to see what the hell is up with this chick". And TRUSS! He will do it. . . He has NO shame :) THANKS, UNCLE B-LOVE!

What Should I Say/Do?

Mama's Baby, Daddy's Maybe

In a recent CNN article, a man in Florida is being chased like a runaway slave in order to pay 305.00 monthly for child support.

Appropo, if in fact he were the child's father. DNA test results, as well as an affidavit from the child's mother requesting that the child support be ceased, means nary a dayum for the people in the State of Florida, home of fresh squeezed OJ (Simpson and the beverage), Jeb Bush, the 'Lectric Chair, and Disneyworld, who insist on carrying out the order of over $10,000 in back child pay.

My friend, who works for Child Support Services in Southern California, indicate that the State (of California, and other states), receive money, dollar for dollar, for ever 'successful' support case where funds are collected (male or female cases). Personally, one of my BFF's has actually been on the Sally Jesse Rafael show, (2001) where, he was in fact, officially christened with the term "You are NOT the father".

Father's rights groups are vigorously advocating for mandatory DNA tests for all children, in or out of wedlock. It has been suggested that this would be a preventative measure financially, particularly for the male species to money that will not doubt be difficult, if not impossible, to recoup. They also believe, that this will prevent many men from going underground with bootleg under the table jobs or having a spotty employment history, in an effort to prevent being chased down from Wanda the Wage Garnisher. It is also effective measures if in fact they do find out WHO the father is, and subsequently, have an opportunity to learn about the family history if they choose, both personally and for health related reasons. And, peace of mind.

Other groups (ACLU in particular) believe that this is a basic violation of civil liberties, and that it violates the basic tenents of the fourth amendment when it comes to unreasonable search and seizure. There is one thing, they believe, to get a court order when it comes down to paternity issues, or to voluntarily pay for one, but when getting involved into a mandatory issue that intrudes upon your person, then certain invisible bonds have become broken, and we have entered Big Brother/Minority report territory.

Then there are those who love their children, and vice versa and would be crushed and devastated if the child they have nurtured and cared for over the years, is, in fact, the result of lil Ray-Ray's mama getting broke off after one too many pink panties with her best friend's cousin.

It happens more often than we care to acknowledge (and admit). I wouldn't be surprised if most families of current have members in their family where dark skin and green eyes are attributed to grandfather's uncle on the mother's side.

Mandatory DNA Tests for EVERY child? Yes, No, or on the fence?

Freek-a-leek

I used to date this guy that had a foot fetish.

Now, I know all brothers say they don't want a woman whose feet looks as if they have been kicking rocks. I also know that in classic Boomerang fashion, that the fascination with feet escalated to an all time high.

But this brother was on some different kind of sh**.

This guy had a foot fetish that beats all foot fetishes. I used to work with him (broke working rule 101), and he actually said that he intially saw me from behind. Now, normally, if brothers see you from behind, they tend to look at, well, YOUR BEHIND.

I should have known something was rotten in the state of Denmark when this mofo when he said the first thing that he looked at was the heels of my feet.

The first time that we went out (it was to a coffeehouse). My legs were crossed in the direction that was not facing him. He actually made a special request for me to uncross my legs, and cross them in the other direction, so that he could SEE my feet at a better angle. I didn't think anything of it then, I just thought he wanted to check out the french tip. Later on in the relationship he told me when he was a little boy, that his mom's friends would come over, and they just thought he was the most obedient, friendly child. He said he was just happy because they would come over with sandals on.

Run, Forrest, Run, right? Okay, the dude was fine and at that time I was pretty interested in giving his goatee a protein shake.

ANYWAY. . .Needless to say, after we became involved, and we would participate in, 'extracurricular horizontal activities', the first thing on deck for him to do would be for him to give me an intensive, lengthy foot massage. Now, ladies, I know this is Heaven on Earth, and I agree wholeheartedly. However, it became increasing disturbing that he was getting an equal amount of pleasure (which is okay) in doing this, but he seemed to delight in it maybe even more so than I was!! Even to the point that he would appear irritable if I wasn't particularly ready, or interested in him rubbing my feet AT THAT POINT.

He was (I believe) harmless, and, after all he could throw that "D". Did I mention that he was phoine?!?! However, things started getting out of hand when he would email me and ask me what kind of shoes I had on.

Y'all stop laughing.

This wasn't necessarily the downfall of our relationship (not at all), we just went in separate directions. Not to mention that his increasing requests and unquenching desire for all things feet was starting to supercede his other attributes and quickly became, well. . . ANNOYING.

He eventually married a few years later, and much to his (and her) chagrin, he's been caught looking at women's feet, and, sometimes, confronted with printouts of women's feet (which, in his opinion, the more ORNATE with jewelry, the better) that he has found on the internet.

The boy needs help. But I don't believe he wants it. I think he revels in his sickness. Also in classic boomerang style, he has out and out said that he wouldn't date a woman, no matter HOW FINE she is, if her feet were unattractive.

Now, I won't go as far as saying (in public - hahaha) that I have any fetishes. Now, some folks I would consider having some serious fetishes are people like Marv Albert , who likes to take a bite out of crime when it comes to women, as well as trot around in their panties, and Rachael Ray's husband is just NASTY. What I DO enjoy looking at though, is a man's hands. They don't have to be perfect; because if they are I'm prolly going to get freaked out and think he has a case of bitchitis. But what I don't want, is someone that bites their nails down to the quick. Eew. But on the inverse, I do NOT want someone whose nails on their hands are longer than mines. That's a little too OG pimp Bishop Don Magic Juan for my taste. I also believe that no matter whether or not a brother is blue collar or white collar, your hands don't have to feel like you're a field slave, so I definitely enjoy them to be relatively smooth. Not so smooth whether I question if the brother has ever even changed a TIRE, but also hands not rough enough to cut diamonds, either.

Had to be said, enough said.

Do you know anyone that has any peculiar fetishes? Do YOU have some? Anonymous Posts ROCK!!

I Wanna Sex You Up

"Though your girlfriends a friend of mine

Here's my number and a dime, call me anytime. . ."

Skyy - Call Me.

Recently, a girlfriend of mines (who is a lurker but not a commenter) confided in me about an incident that happened with a good friend's husband. In the interest of keeping track of things, we will assign names:

Michelle: My friend
John: her dude
Becky: Her friend
Mark: Becky's Husband

What had happened wuz, my girlfriend and her dude had an overnight visit to Becky and Mark's house. Mark, Becky's husband, had a little too much likka in him. Michelle and Becky crashed in one room; Mark and John in the other.

Becky sleeps very very hard and Mark knows this. Without going into all the sordid details out there like that, Mark approaches Michelle at three thirty in the mutha fucken mornin drunk as all get out, commences to attempt to feel her up in her SLEEP (her breasts) and then tells her he has been desiring her for years and wants to perform on her in every way possible. He tells her that he thinks she is incredibly sexy and that he knows she is a freak, because he KNOWS she is. She is appalled, shocked, angry, everything in between. Most of all, she is sleepy, and this is almost surreal for her. She told me that he was looking at her in 'that way' that a man looks at you. He was BEGGING her to let him copulate her. What happened after that is irrelevant to the topic (for the record, she DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM), just put it this way: She ain't one to phuck with. Her father will blast anybody who messes with her, and her uncle lives not too far from where it happened, and if she told him, would come by and I quote "snap a nigga's neck and keep it pushing". She handled her business, case is closed.

In any case, this incident triggered a lot of memories of similar incidents that have happened to me.

The first one was when I was in the eleventh grade. My friend was going out with this guy that we all grew up with. Since we all grew up together, we all had each other's personal information/addresses, phone numbers, etc. Well one day we were all on the three way (remember this was the S**** back in the day!!!!) , and she had to get off the phone. So me and dude, we kept talking. Long story short, he went on to profess his feelings for me, and asked me could we hook up on the side for some fooling around. I was authentically shocked! It took me a long time before I confronted my friend with this, who in turn confronted him. He denied it. Our relationship was strained for awhile, but after that, we resumed our friendship. She even went to the prom with that cat. Incidentally, a year later we (me and the guy) ended up scrapping over some bull****, no doubt because of the tension of all of this. In this case, I think she believed me; she just chose to get back with him.

The second incident was more on the ADULT SIDE with my friend's 'baby daddy' about ten years ago. . .I went to elementary school with HER, but I went to high school with HIM. When he was trying to reconcile with her, he was coming at her STRONG. One day he called me expressing her feelings to her about me (remember, I knew HIM before SHE did), and then suddenly there was a shift. It went from talking about her, to it's late why don't you come on by here so I can break you off, considering I had a crush on you and your big booty way back when. FURTHERMORE, he indicated that no one had to know, that we could keep in on the down low, and wouldn't that arrangement be great if he got back with her???

((insert crazy look here))

I was floored. I didn't tell her and this was why. . . Everybody had told her about that fool (and he was one). At that time, she was so blinded by him it was unbelievable. See, he had scorned her before and all she was concerned about was losing him. She had received phone calls from others (friends, strangers and Ex's) warning her of his indiscretions. She went on to five years of marriage and two more before she was truly sick and tired of him.

I have had both male and female friends indicate to me similar incidents. I know for sure, that one of my male friends had some of his girlfriend's WOMEN try to approach him on the DL because she was bragging on him being a freak-a-leek, (a definite rule breaker in my book), so she went all out on a smear campaign AGAINST HER OWN GIRL to try and get it on the DL.

Has this happened to you before?
Have you done/thought about this?
(Anonymous posts are okay)