Living in the Matrix

I am a broke philanthropist.

I am a firm believer of giving. Always have been. Of recent, I have been inspired by Shaq and his desire to bail homeowners out of their mortgage crisis. Though I have my own theories about the adjustable rates and interest only loans, I do believe that his heart is in the right place. He is always thinking of others. Even in his adopted town of Los Angeles, he does his Shaq-A-Claus events, where he gives away hundreds of thousands of clothes and food for those that need it.

Most people, rich or poor, do not feel or believe in that.

When I was a child, before my parents separated, my father was good on that. He is an extremely observant and intuitive man who has a knack for identifying a need. There was MANY a day where my brother's friends would come over, and he would all of a sudden take off for hours with the boys, and then everyone would come back with a new pair of kicks (friends included). I believe, this is where I get my generosity from.

Generosity doesn't mean being a sucka. This is not about this conversation. But it does mean, that most people are in a position to alter the course of some one's life, by a simple gift in kind. Money is relative. Fifty dollars is a fortune to someone struggling.

But, alas again, most people are concerned about 'me and mine'. But that's not how life is. And for people that may say that my unmarried, childless self will feel different when my circumstances change, I say.

That's a dayum lie. Do you know how many miserable, unhappy married folks I know (as well as single). So that isn't a predictor for joy, so save that for the folks that take the blue pill.

Granted, you shouldn't be concerned about others if you're barely getting by yourself, but generally speaking most people at some point, have a surplus in their lives where they can help. And, it's not always about MONEY. If you don't have the tools financially to support someone, use other skills: Be a companion, a confidant. Use your skills (creative or otherwise), to give someone that shot in the arm that they desperately need. Use your love, or time, or support, or communicating. You may have a resource for someone, if in fact, you are not in a position to help in any way. That's call connecting. That's creating a support system.

There is a difference between a handout and a helping hand. And everyone needs that. In our Western Civilization and culture, we are not trained to develop our minds like such; being in the mode of giving, and creating your own communities to become interdependent upon each other. In doing so, we create a strong hand where all of us can utilize each others resources. The Mormons do it all the time. As Don Cornelius says, you can bet your bottom dollar that you will NEVER see a broke Mormon.

What about us? We have the ability and opportunity to do it ourselves. This is what creates your true family and community. What good is our lives and what we have lived to obtain (i.e., the AmeriKKKan dream), if we don't pay it forward, and use our resources to build others lives, as well as OURS.

Otherwise, we take the blue pill and are living in the Matrix. Going back and forth in our routines, making sure that we are set, that WE are okay, and that WE have what we need. And everybody else, well, just get in where you fit in.

Take the red pill.

Question for the day: If you had an abundance of resources (Time, Money, etc.), where/who would you give to?

Addition by Subtraction

My niece is getting married in July. Her fiance claims that most of what she does regarding the wedding budget, is take some money from another part of the wedding, reduce the cost in that area, and then add it to another part of the wedding budget from some other areas she wants it in. He calls it "Addition by Subtraction".

I couldn't have said it better. But not for the wedding, for my life. You have to lose something in order to get something else that's needed, or wanted, for yourself, so you can be of better servitude to others. We are here to live and to serve, and not to be served. This I know. Now, y'all know I'm not one for putting my bidness out there in the skreets, so you can surmise/deduce what's been cracking in my life, based on what I have learned so far this year:

- To gain love from others, I had to lose it from another.

- When you change the things you think about, the things that you think about will change.

- To have the opportunity to branch off into a new career, I had to lose the one I had.

- To gain strength, I had to show weakness.

- You have to give up being right in and give in to being open to what's right.

- To slay the green eyed monster, I had to fall on my own sword.

- I took a trip to hell and back in order to really know who the Angel of Light is. So, the next time someone tells me to "Go to Hell" - My response will be. . ."I've been there - didn't like it.".

- To experience truth, I had to face where I was not being genuine.

- I can never be bought - or sold. A price has already been paid for me.

- To bring someone closer, I had to let someone go.

- To trust others, I had to have my trust shattered.

- To acquire resources, I had to turn to THE source.

- Don't talk about the speck in someone else's eye when you have a plank in your own.

- You have to get dirty to become clean.

- Pimping ain't easy, but somebody's got to do it.

I'm back. But don't call it a comeback.

What have you, lost, but subsequently gained?

Or, do you agree with any of what I've said?

TKO

Hey y'all I have been a day late and a dollar short in posting. There are so many things going on with me, both personally and professionally.

Everything and anything you could imagine, has happened to me in the course of six months (Yes, I am in VERy good health, No, I have NOT been a victim of crime, and NO, I have NOT been knocked up).

Other than the aforementioned, think about something that can happen to a girl in a six month period. YEP, it happened. Check out all my labels for the posting, and you can use your imagination about the "what had happened wuz's"

NOT TO MENTION, my current (and hopefully soon to be past) employer has blocked out blogger. Who do they think they are, when is a girl like me supposed to blow off steam? On my own home computer on my own personal time? Hehehe.

Like the Terminator, I'll be back, and when I am, don't call it a comeback.

Miss P.

January Old Skool Joint

It's Back. . . .Enjoy, cuz you best believe this used to be the joint.

Big Love

Smart, Attractive, great guy. Met him on the fly. Nice enough guy.

During the course of the conversation (email/im generally). He asks me have I had the opportunity to read Isaiah, Chapter 3 and 4. Me, being me, I was thinking he wanted to offer his own bootleg Bible commentary/philosophicizin that is generally reserved for my Strongs Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. I told him I may have read it in a church session or some quiet time, but I couldn't recite it a la John 3:16 or anything.

He insisted on me reading it. I told him I would when I got the chance. The next email/IM asked me had I AGAIN read it, to which I figured he was trying to get a message across, so I did read it. Now, for those that are not into organized religion or anything like that, your opinions are just that - your opinions. That's not the focus of this conversation. The focus of this conversation is actually the exact opposite, in fact. It's a guys views on a particular subject. :) Long story long, he asked me did I GET it. I wasn't sure exactly what he meant by that, so without further adieu, here is the (abridged) conversation.

Brother: Don't you get it. It's about having abundance, and that includes being healthy and happy in a polyamorous relationship.

P: ?

Brother: A real man he can handle it ... Remember its not a sin to have two wives but it is to be a hoe . . .

P: I'm COOL on the whole little "big love" thing, but if it works for you, fine. (At this point, I'm trying to figure out how to not talk to him anymore, but my nosey azz wants to know more). And I can't believe you had the nerve to bring up the KGV in this mess.

Brother: As I had the nerve to bring up KJV Isaiah 3 & 4, I'm wondering if the Sister was bold enough to read it. With more then 40% of the Black Women in America single I think the Black women has a big decision to make and its a tough one. Hoes or Wives? Right now the hoes are winning. Check the states. So now what is a hoe ... that is anyone sleeping around without being married, am I wrong ... It seems like Black women would rather be hoes then a genuine mans second wife. In this whore culture the hoe game starts of early and does not taper down until about 55 look around this is a whore culture ... I can have right now as many hoes as I like but legally only one wife ... this whore culture sets the brother up for sin all day long ... thus the average brother has no sincere relationship with God, filled with lies and deception just for some pussy never gaining a full relationship but just some pussy. See we are Royalty stuck in a whore culture ... you seem attentive is this a whore culture? Did you read Isaiah 3 & 4 KJV

P: Puhleeze. I have not problem attracting or getting black men. A good looking woman can get who she wants when she wants it and it has nothing to do with the education level. Save the speech brother. Wrong chick to philosophicize too.

Brother: Empress, (who the phuck is "Empress") You have not said anything contrary to my point. But Sista, having multiple wives is bibically sound doctrine being a hoe is not. So were you bold enough, Black Women? Isaiah 3 & 4. Dis ant no philosophie iza way 4 life, See.

P: I read both the new and the old testament while ya playing and the new testament talks about being the husband of ONE wife, thankyouverymuch, and even if it didn't say that and whether or not someone is a believer, you just spitting a bunch of B.S.

Brother: O' Black Woman (WTF!!) I just had this thought. Can you read Isaiah 3 & 4 for me on the phone later this evening. This is UNSELFISH LOVE! Jah See and know hoes run from the scripture all day long.

P: Are you a five percenter or something?

Brother: The new testement says no such thing. You can have vain imagination of Jesus suggesting that in scripture but it is not outlawed ... So Christ says the scriptue can not be broken John 10 ... the only laws effected with Jesus are the sacrificial laws ... remember he is the Sacrificial Lamb ... It comes down to hoes or wives and the hoes are winning in this hoe culture ... hoes or wives really is the question. I'm a Bible based Christian Old and New testament. What nigga what! Whats real is real and thats going to always be between you and God and him and whoever else. You have to show and prove, see ... sit down and read Isaiah 3 & 4 it spells out who the hoes are. Sister, men are suffering form what most are, they are dealing with porn all day long it on the net for FREE its in the music, the whore culture is everywhere look around hoes get the most props out here but a wife??? ... the hoe market is wide open from 18 to 60 the women are putting in work rough sex just anything they with it, look on Craigs List. Sex is a god given faculty but people are abusing it like hoes. If you were based in scripture.

P: What the hell are you talking about?

Brother: Sister now that is a very interesting question ... I will build on that with u later but in the mean time read jeremiah 2 and 3 KJV. The laws of righteousness reign supreme over all darkness.

**END OF STORY**

The phucked up part about it is, he does have some points, and he is far from dumb. Nevertheless, not a chance in hell he will be getting a date with the Empress.

Another Tale from the WTF Chronicles.

Your thoughts? You have any tales from the WTF Chronicles?

The Crying Game - **UPDATED**

Friend of mines. New to the internet dating scheme. He's been wounded in real life. In fact, it's THIS guy. Well, he met some 'chick' online, and they have been going at it (online and over the phone) for three months. Now, whether you've ventured into the internet dating scene yourself, or you know people you have, there is no gray ground. It either turns out to be absolutely catastrophic, or a happily ever after experience. (E-Harmony, anyone?)

Needless to say, he called me today to tell me that he has a number change due to some cell phone drama at his other provider. (Translation: Ran up his bill talking to ole girl). He also called to communicate that he has a new career opportunity, that would require him to train for five months in Houston, TX (He is from the "OC"). As painful as it would be for him to be away from his 8 year old son that long, he kept telling me that would be good, because 'his girl' lives there, and 'his girl' this and 'his girl' that. I finally asked him "Well, I don't talk to you much anymore, and you haven't updated me on ole girl, so what's up with y'all?" to which (condensed version), he says:

- I'm in love. She totally has my heart.

- I am going to marry this woman

- She is my soulmate. I have NEVER felt anything like this before.

- She's the one.

- We are getting married in the Virgin Islands. I want you to come.

- She has my heart. I'm hopeless.

Blog Fam: I have known this man for five years. I have NEVER heard his voice sound like this. EVAH!!!

Now, with all he said, I am thinking, at the same time:

- I've seen her pictures

- Her breasts look augmented

- She always shows from the waist up, and not the hips

- Pictures are bright enough to see, but dim enough not to see ENOUGH.

- It doesn't look like her apartment has any furniture in it.

- I think 'she' is a 'SHIM'.

- All of her pictures are profiles and not straight up looks.

- Her hands are large. As in "These look like a man's hands with acrylic" type of large.

- Email address is Nu Image (WTF?)

He is so far gone that I don't believe that anything I tell him will dissuade him. I believe that this is part of the ploy from Wong Foo. Get him down there so he won't want to look at your goodies, then, go downtown on him, pull a 68 you owe me one, and considering that this SHIM can probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose, that won't help matters much.

I don't want to sound like a spoil sport. However, I certainly don't want him to go down there blind and then come back crushed from some BS. I don't mind communicating the information to him; however, what if the chances are that the SHIM is, in fact, a SHE? Then I've communicated to him that I think his girl is a Ru-Paul rip off, he is going to be HOT, at the least, feeling hurt at the most.

I have considered just sending him an email of love, letting him know that in the world of dating, LET ALONE INTERNET DATING (which I have not tried, but I would assume,) is very easy to exhale. It's almost like folks that write you from jail - people are on their best behavior. They can create whoever they want to be. And to be careful and safe as he travels halfway across the country for love. I almost think that he HAS to go down there, and, if things do not turn out favorably, then that is a harsh, raw, lesson to be learned, and that he can move forward from there. I am hoping against hope that he hasn't met Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and I will certainly keep you posted.

Out of respect, I will not put the pictures up. I truly hope that he has found the woman of his dreams. I really hope that she is just an exotic, different looking kind of CHICK, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I would be the farm that this person is a MAN!

**UPDATED** I have a friend, who is a MASTER at all things internet related, including dating. I asked his advice about this as well (and showed him the pictures). He didn't necessarily agree with my pronouncement of her being a Wong Foo, but he did say, and I quote: "I don't think this is a man. She looks OK, but something is not right. I added her to my IM and will try to see what the hell is up with this chick". And TRUSS! He will do it. . . He has NO shame :) THANKS, UNCLE B-LOVE!

What Should I Say/Do?

Scenes We Love - November

I decided to do another take on my Old Skool Joint and throw some movies into the pot. These three scenes need no particular introduction. First scene is aiight, but skip about two minutes into this and you get some classic (fill in the blank). You don't have to be a woman to enjoy the brilliance, the magnificent, the 'realness', for lack of a better word, of this Yale School of Drama graduate. She makes you BELIEVE her character. Few people are able to transcend the ability to do this for me (there are others - Joaquin Phoenix, Denzel, Giancarlo Esposito, Gary Sinise, Don Cheadle, amongst the few who DO). Hey, I don't know what I love more: "You're the Mutha ***** IMPROPER influence!" or "Tramp BIOTCH!" Gotta Love it. Enjoy!

Hell Date

Tall.Dark.Sexy.Professional Ball Player. The guy who approached me in the mall several years ago. And although the "my knee got messed up and I couldn't play in the pros for the NBA so now I'm playing overseas" line is kind of played right now, it was still cool back in the nineties.

Needless to say, the brother got a date. Not because he was a ballplayer, but because he was cute, not to mention he had nice hands, and I've got a thing for nice hands on a man. Nothing effiminate, but if you are going to be rubbing on me, I would prefer that you don't bite your nails to a quick and give me any more marks that I received roughhousing as a little tyke.

We decided upon everyone's faux-pas Mexican restaurant, El Torito. Upon arriving there, he starts patting his pockets, similar to the way a man would if he was trying to find his keys. After about half a minute, I offer the obligatory "What's Wrong?" comment, to which he says:

"Dammit, I forgot my ATM Card!"

(Insert black stare here)

I don't know what kind of new fool he thought I was, so I asked him "Well, do you want to go back and get it?" He said naw, and that he would have more than enough cash on him. Meanwhile, he's still patting himself down like he's doing a self check for the LAPD.

As we approached the front door, he was beckoning me towards sitting in the bar area. I said no, and he wanted to know why. I told him: For one , I don't drink, and for two, there is plenty of seating available in the regular section. Then all of a sudden, he looks at me with this incredulous look on his face and says:

"What, you don't want no WINGS?? No chips and Salsa?? I got me a taste for some WINGS!"

He must be smoking that good sh**. He doesn't want to pay for a dinner, and he is trying to get us to sit down and have some appetizers to substitute FOR that. After going back and forth with him, I gave into his wing tantrum and went into the bar area, STRICTLY BECAUSE I WANTED THIS DATE TO BE OVER WITH. Needless to say, my appetite was GONE - but NOT his. . . He proceeded to eat those hot wings, chips and salsa like he was one of the children from the Christian Children's Fund. I went through about a thirty minute torture session with him trying to reach over and rub my arms, to which, I gave him frequent dirty looks.

I was totally disgusted. Not because of the appetizers or because I am high maintenance, but because he tried to PLAY ME. And thats not cool. So, anyway, when we get back to his house (I had driven my car over there and we rode together to the restaurant), he pulled up in front of my house, and asked me did I want to come in. Assuming that he wanted me to 'cum' in and not come in, I respectfully declined. He then started rubbing on my legs. I moved his hand away. Then he asked to see my feet.

Hells Bells, why not. Do you know this fool reached over and started sucking my toes??

((Insert appalled look here))

I yanked my foot out of his mouth and grabbed my shoe, and slammed the door on him, never looked back, and didn't lose any sleep over him.

Well, that's not exactly true. . .

About six months later, I left the television on one night, and the show "Change of Heart" came on. You remember that show, don't you? A couple would come on, trying to salvage their relationship, and then they would go on separate dates to see if they still wanted to hang with each other. In my groggy, slob induced sleep, I hear HIS name and HIS voice. I jumped straight up, scared that he was inhabiting my dreams like Freddy Krueger. Needless to say, he was on there, and guess what else.

THE GIRL THAT HE TOOK OUT ON THE DATE, HE TOLD HER THAT HE ALSO LEFT HIS ATM CARD AT HOME, ATE CHIPS AND SALSA, AND TRIED TO SUCK ON HER TOES.

Nasty.Bastard.

Tell us AboutYOUR Hell Date? Anyone you know been on one? Are YOU a hell date?

Tipping the Scales

A few weeks ago, I attended a high school graduation. When it came time for the valedictorian speech, I prepared myself for the yawnfest that I was about to hear.

The Valedictorian started talking about everything that she has done to maintain her 4.7 GPA, blah, blah, blah. . .

**Sidebar** WTH do you need to DO to get a 4.7 GPA I will never understand. An A++++?

Anyway, she mentioned how she would study on the weekends, and study all night, on holidays, during other celebrations, etc., etc. Before my head slammed into the concrete from being lulled to sleep, she transitioned into what she missed out on as a result of this: She said she missed many dances, dates, and good times with friends and family because of her incessant study habits. And for that, she said that her life was out of balance. She indicated, that as a result of that, she missed core activities and just general fun that should be mandated as a teen, and, although school is a serious subject, that she took it too seriously, and now wishes that she had created more of a balance in her life. Subsequently, she turned down an offer for one school (Berkeley) to go to another one (San Francisco), because she knew she would fall into the same pattern if she were to attend Berkeley, and that, SF offered more of a well, BALANCE between academia and just living the collegiate life.

She encouraged the graduating class to create a balance in their lives. She flipped the script on them and said that maybe if they PARTIED too much, perhaps they can provide an adequate balance in their own lives by focusing more on studies, and creating opportunities to make time for both. She wrapped up her speech by wishing and hoping the best for the students, and also commenting that she hoped that what she said to them will have an impact on their lives.

I don't know about them, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.

There are a lot of good attributes about myself. There are traits that I have acknowledged within myself, personally, professionally, emotionally, and financially, that are equally outstanding, as well as deficient. I have decided to make a conscious effort to work on the things that are deficient. I don't profess to ever have strong suits on things that I am weak in (such as math); these are not the issues that I refer to. I am talking about relationship and character building. The things that will transition you from one point of your life to another. You should NEVER measure yourself against other people. Only against who you are and who you would like to be. I don't promise to work on them all at one time, and I will no doubt fall off the wagon a time or two, however, Radio Flyer Beware, I'm going to get back on the wagon, and as such, I have decided to commit to the following things.

1. Work and Life Balance. I haven't been on vacation in over a year. And it's not because I'm a workaholic. I would rather be on a boat with music and a book. It's generally because I find other things to do in the area, and excuses where I can allocate the funds elsewhere. I KNOW this is not a good thing and I don't profess it to be so. But I am going to firmly commit to going on one very soon.

2. More exercise. Don't get enough of it. I am a LOT better with it than in previous years. But the issue that generally comes up is the BWH Syndrome (Black Woman Hair); sweat is Kryptonite to our hair. This can be a challenge during your workout regimens, but I can't really use that for an excuse, I have more than enough hair to pull in a ponytail, even though I think I look ridiculous in them, but whatever - it will just have to do. I am looking hungrily to any person that comes up with a way to isolate and contain the sweat from the hair follicles. This person, will in fact become the next Madame CJ Walker in black women's eyes.

3. Being Open. I used to equate being open with vulnerability. But so what if it is? There is nothing wrong with being open, or human, or authentic about what you feel. Keeping it closed in on the inside doesn't change how you feel. No man or woman is a mind reader - and, they probably want to know what you are thinking anyway. And even if they don't it's not healthy keeping all that stuff in.

4. Time management/Scheduling. It's not as if I don't know how to do it. I just don't take the time to do it! :) However, planning your day and your week out for both personal and professional fulfillment often times leaves you MORE open for time for other things, instead of running around like an African Banshee trying to do things at the last minute.

5. Letting go. I believe that's a challenge for many people. I don't harbor resentments against people per se, but I do go on my PH (not player hater - those are my initials) standoffs for people that have tried to throw me under the bus. Anything and everything can happen in the course of one minute (including death), and I don't have the time, energy, or desire to hold onto past things that I can't quite remember what happened ANYWAY, or the offending party has let go of on their own as well. I am not going to be a black woman with issues kind of chick (not that I am), but I'm certainly not going to start any tradition - or create a memory of me being unforgiving. I may, one day, want and need the opportunity to redeem myself - more sooner than later, no doubt.

6. Taking Risks. My teenage years and early twenties were SO serious - too serious (based on some personal circumstances). I didn't really have the opportunity to take risks the way people could - and should do, at that age. I have just recently made some HUGE decisions that will impact my life for the better, but it was, in fact, a risk. A risk that I was not necessary ready to take, but was, ultimately, the best thing I could have done. Someone else who will remain nameless, has also taken a risk with me and on me, and I cannot thank her enough for that. (More on that later).

So, to the Valedictorian of Mayfair High School, your message did get across. To create a balance. And as for THIS Libra, I am now, tipping the scales.

What about you? How is YOUR life? Need to create a balance? If so, in what? (if you are so willing to share. . .)

Mama's Baby, Daddy's Maybe

In a recent CNN article, a man in Florida is being chased like a runaway slave in order to pay 305.00 monthly for child support.

Appropo, if in fact he were the child's father. DNA test results, as well as an affidavit from the child's mother requesting that the child support be ceased, means nary a dayum for the people in the State of Florida, home of fresh squeezed OJ (Simpson and the beverage), Jeb Bush, the 'Lectric Chair, and Disneyworld, who insist on carrying out the order of over $10,000 in back child pay.

My friend, who works for Child Support Services in Southern California, indicate that the State (of California, and other states), receive money, dollar for dollar, for ever 'successful' support case where funds are collected (male or female cases). Personally, one of my BFF's has actually been on the Sally Jesse Rafael show, (2001) where, he was in fact, officially christened with the term "You are NOT the father".

Father's rights groups are vigorously advocating for mandatory DNA tests for all children, in or out of wedlock. It has been suggested that this would be a preventative measure financially, particularly for the male species to money that will not doubt be difficult, if not impossible, to recoup. They also believe, that this will prevent many men from going underground with bootleg under the table jobs or having a spotty employment history, in an effort to prevent being chased down from Wanda the Wage Garnisher. It is also effective measures if in fact they do find out WHO the father is, and subsequently, have an opportunity to learn about the family history if they choose, both personally and for health related reasons. And, peace of mind.

Other groups (ACLU in particular) believe that this is a basic violation of civil liberties, and that it violates the basic tenents of the fourth amendment when it comes to unreasonable search and seizure. There is one thing, they believe, to get a court order when it comes down to paternity issues, or to voluntarily pay for one, but when getting involved into a mandatory issue that intrudes upon your person, then certain invisible bonds have become broken, and we have entered Big Brother/Minority report territory.

Then there are those who love their children, and vice versa and would be crushed and devastated if the child they have nurtured and cared for over the years, is, in fact, the result of lil Ray-Ray's mama getting broke off after one too many pink panties with her best friend's cousin.

It happens more often than we care to acknowledge (and admit). I wouldn't be surprised if most families of current have members in their family where dark skin and green eyes are attributed to grandfather's uncle on the mother's side.

Mandatory DNA Tests for EVERY child? Yes, No, or on the fence?

Yours, Mines, and Ours

Deebo: Oh, *that* bike. Didn't know you wanted it back, homie. It's right here. Follow me, homie.

Red: Yeah, it's just like it's both of ours... we just keep it down at my house. .

- Deebo and Red - "Friday"

Recently, an acquaintance of mines and I were discussing their more than likely upcoming nuptials. They have been dating this person for awhile and the direction of their relationship is headed towards marriage. The converversation shifted to discuss whether or not a prenuptial agreement should be put into place.

Background on the friend: Came from very very humble beginnings, to say the least. They value what they have, (as we all should). Sidebar: I know many people who value what they have, but I also know that some of these same folks suffer from delusions of grandeur. But I believe that is attached to traumatic childhood experiences, that often gets in the way of LIFE, because they have not chosen to overcome it, so they compensate with what they have, sometimes ad nauseum. But okay, back to the friend. The person they are considering marrying has a stable job (no home, but hey this is Cali, that's neither here nor there), very loving and caring, and very dedicated to the relationship. Both of them have children that they support.

(By the way, I am purposely leaving this gender neutral in order to keep this as objective as possible).

With that said, there are different sides to the pre-nuptial agreement debate:

The "Just in Case" Crowd: With 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, and with laws governing divorce varying from state to state, which generally have some guidelines regarding community property. According to Wikipedia, community property dictates that most property acquired during the marriage (except for gifts or inheritances) is owned jointly by both spouses and is divided upon divorce, annulment, or death. And this, ladies and gentleman is the reason why people like Juanita Jordan, Ivana Trump, and yes, even K-Fed make out handsomely during a divorce. It is based upon what was earned during the time of the marital relationship. People believe that if in fact the fairy tale turns into a fairy hell, then there are contractual guidelines that will assist with the subsequent dissolution of the relationship. Furthermore, if in fact, one or the other couple becomes more financially profitable during this period, then, again, motions are set in place to adequately resolve any issues that may come up.

The "For Better or for Worse" Crowd: The believe that you are setting up your marriage on a conditional basis is often tantamount to blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Many folks believe that it is then, that you are watering down your vows to nothing more than a legal mantra of gobbledygook that you have to proceed with in order to make it official. Believing that you are putting your personal treasures ahead of your feelings, the conditional aspects of what one considers a binding love affair can be lauded as nothing more as say, a "bidness" arrangement. And, to the argument that if a person becomes more financially profitable during the relationship, then so be it. It was during the relationship, marriage is a two partner, one way street, and why not, indeed, share in the "Better" factor of the relationship?

Both sides have valid arguments. Both sides, also, have valid flaws (depending on your interpretation or position).

What are your thoughts on Pre-Nup's? Agree, disagree, or on the fence?

And Spoil The Child

Everyone does it, thinks it, wants it, or hopes for it.

A better life for yourself. An even better life for your children (whether you are a parent or not - can be a future dream). Is there a such thing as excess? Is it relative to your income, or are some things just too much.

Someone told me that Rick and Kathy Hilton were on a talk show, and they were talking about the riches that they provide to their children. Both of their responses were "And so what if we do give them a lot of things? They are our children, and we want to share in our wealth with them." This is, in fact, more of a high end version of what most parents want to do with their children. After all, you are not going to dress like a prince, and your child a pauper? Certainly not (even though some ghettofabulous biotches have been known to do this).

But where is the dividing line? Is there one? In a culture where parents (both male and female) are positioned to work harder, stronger and longer, gifts often times are bestowed upon children both as a result of financial privilege, as well as guilt (on occasion). I remember when I was a child, often times, I got all of what I needed, and some of what I wanted, but if there was something extra special that I wanted, well I had to work for it; help out in and out the house, and do a little more to get it. And subsequently, I would be rewarded with it.

In our ever evolving culture, the must have Ipod turns into the please can I have the video ipod, to the ABSOLUTELY GOTTA HAVE I-Phone. The must have PS2 turns into the GOTTA get PS3. When walking around the corner turns into "take me around the corner", then the times have changed. Certainly, kids needs and requests are no different than the many, many things that we used to beg our parents for, just manifested in an electronic sense.

Do the children today (even as young as kindergarten) authentically know the value of money, and how that, and their credit score, and their subsequent choices thereof, reflect and affect the rest of their lives. Are they taught that with rewards, also comes expectations? I know a friend of mines, their child (11) keeps getting into trouble (talking and performance) at school. Punishment is inflicted, yet, but I don't think they are penetrating the punishment where it will hurt. Meaning, this child excels at one particular sport. I mean HE EXCELS at it and adores it. To the point where he is enrolled in classes, (to the tune of 100.00 bucks a month) separate from his school curriculum, as well as summer camp for the sport. The punishment that has been inflicted upon him is no TV, Playstation, Etc, for a weekend. But then he still goes out to play basketball! Listen, if he can't keep up with his academics, then certainly he shouldn't be allowed to keep up with the sports segment of his life. Yet, he is constantly taking weekend tournament trips, not to mention inundated with new video games. This is no fault of his own. He doesn't have a boundary. By no means am I saying that he should not engage in his craft (of sports), but certainly not at the expense of academia.

Most of what a child remembers growing up is not what you gave them. They don't remember something if it was the biggest, baddest toy on the block. They remember the feelings. They remember the time. And they remember the love?

Are parents overindulging their children? Do kids now have a sense of entitlement?

Freek-a-leek

I used to date this guy that had a foot fetish.

Now, I know all brothers say they don't want a woman whose feet looks as if they have been kicking rocks. I also know that in classic Boomerang fashion, that the fascination with feet escalated to an all time high.

But this brother was on some different kind of sh**.

This guy had a foot fetish that beats all foot fetishes. I used to work with him (broke working rule 101), and he actually said that he intially saw me from behind. Now, normally, if brothers see you from behind, they tend to look at, well, YOUR BEHIND.

I should have known something was rotten in the state of Denmark when this mofo when he said the first thing that he looked at was the heels of my feet.

The first time that we went out (it was to a coffeehouse). My legs were crossed in the direction that was not facing him. He actually made a special request for me to uncross my legs, and cross them in the other direction, so that he could SEE my feet at a better angle. I didn't think anything of it then, I just thought he wanted to check out the french tip. Later on in the relationship he told me when he was a little boy, that his mom's friends would come over, and they just thought he was the most obedient, friendly child. He said he was just happy because they would come over with sandals on.

Run, Forrest, Run, right? Okay, the dude was fine and at that time I was pretty interested in giving his goatee a protein shake.

ANYWAY. . .Needless to say, after we became involved, and we would participate in, 'extracurricular horizontal activities', the first thing on deck for him to do would be for him to give me an intensive, lengthy foot massage. Now, ladies, I know this is Heaven on Earth, and I agree wholeheartedly. However, it became increasing disturbing that he was getting an equal amount of pleasure (which is okay) in doing this, but he seemed to delight in it maybe even more so than I was!! Even to the point that he would appear irritable if I wasn't particularly ready, or interested in him rubbing my feet AT THAT POINT.

He was (I believe) harmless, and, after all he could throw that "D". Did I mention that he was phoine?!?! However, things started getting out of hand when he would email me and ask me what kind of shoes I had on.

Y'all stop laughing.

This wasn't necessarily the downfall of our relationship (not at all), we just went in separate directions. Not to mention that his increasing requests and unquenching desire for all things feet was starting to supercede his other attributes and quickly became, well. . . ANNOYING.

He eventually married a few years later, and much to his (and her) chagrin, he's been caught looking at women's feet, and, sometimes, confronted with printouts of women's feet (which, in his opinion, the more ORNATE with jewelry, the better) that he has found on the internet.

The boy needs help. But I don't believe he wants it. I think he revels in his sickness. Also in classic boomerang style, he has out and out said that he wouldn't date a woman, no matter HOW FINE she is, if her feet were unattractive.

Now, I won't go as far as saying (in public - hahaha) that I have any fetishes. Now, some folks I would consider having some serious fetishes are people like Marv Albert , who likes to take a bite out of crime when it comes to women, as well as trot around in their panties, and Rachael Ray's husband is just NASTY. What I DO enjoy looking at though, is a man's hands. They don't have to be perfect; because if they are I'm prolly going to get freaked out and think he has a case of bitchitis. But what I don't want, is someone that bites their nails down to the quick. Eew. But on the inverse, I do NOT want someone whose nails on their hands are longer than mines. That's a little too OG pimp Bishop Don Magic Juan for my taste. I also believe that no matter whether or not a brother is blue collar or white collar, your hands don't have to feel like you're a field slave, so I definitely enjoy them to be relatively smooth. Not so smooth whether I question if the brother has ever even changed a TIRE, but also hands not rough enough to cut diamonds, either.

Had to be said, enough said.

Do you know anyone that has any peculiar fetishes? Do YOU have some? Anonymous Posts ROCK!!

Big Brother

At the beginning of my eighth grade year, we read the short story (tween) version of George Orwell's 1984. This book is no "Are you there God? It's Me, Margaret."

1984 scared the shit out of me. (NOT.TO.MENTION it was 1983 when we read it!)

The book, written decades before, talked about a new world, where your thoughts were limited to what the gub-ment only wanted you to think, and, in fact, the "Thought Police", as they were called, were there to monitor your thoughts, and know your intentions, and even more so, your greatest fears. You were watched by an all invasive "Big Brother", one who was never named, but was technically, representative of all acts that were invasive upon your (unexistent at that point), basic human rights.

What about now? Even if you never read 1984 - Most of you have seen the "Minority Report", which does on or around the same thing. I do want to say, though, I love technology. HELLO, I'm using it right now. I hardly carry cash, I love bill pay/online payments, and if you saw my cell phone you would know that it's has anything and everything on it. Now that that is out of the way, I also want to tell you that I also am a CON-Spiracy theorist and sometimes I get to philosophicizin and, so read at your own risk!. :)

We are living in a culture and where there are consistent breakthroughs in the areas of technology, the sciences, health, and education. Equally as such, these very same breakthroughs are what are enabling our technology to put a microchip in your animal to locate it, (and DON'T THINK children are not going to be next), or being instructed to take cervical cancer shots as a mandatory procedure. We are living in an era where your Ralphs Club card, Visa Debitcard, and all other things electronic track your every pleasure, whim, and even fetish. There is a new machine out that is supposedly able to track what your INTENTIONS are (Minority Report, anyone?). And as for viewing/reviewing your purchase taste, you can't even GO into a department store without them asking for your name/phone number and "Would you like to be on our mailing list?" spiel. Going on Amazon will give you a "Hi Patricia, here's what we recommend for you. . ."based on your previous visits to the site. NOT TO MENTION the Gub-Ment wanting to access your library records of what you have read, under the auspices of operating under the "USA Patriot Act".

And then there is Gmail. Email on steroids. Email squared. Mail that, puts advertisements in your inbox that are comparable to what you have searched for in Google if you remain signed in after you leave Gmail. Even our love/hate BFF Blogger, required you to retain a Gmail address in order to even UPGRADE to the "New and Improved" blogger.

Let's not forget our beloved You Tube. In an increasingly video-hungry society, our thirst has become unquenchable. Whether it's side splitting humor, or the death of dictators, our video on demand taste has reached infinite status and we have, indeed, reached the point of no return.

So, the next time you're enjoying your GPS Navigational System, or whizzing through the pump via Speedpass, or even trolling through the internet. . .Take another look and tell me, Whose Zooming Who?

But hey, what do I know. I thought that Tony Blair was the Antichrist.

What do YOU Think? Big Brother is Watching, or P's Crazy as Hell?

Friends With Benefits

Monday, a friend of mine, Tuesday, we played a game, Wednesday, you went away, Thursday, things weren't the same, On Friday, you came back, I wanted to kiss you On Saturday, On Sunday we made love Now what are we gonna do - "Seven Days" - Mary J. Blige

I have had innumerable conversations with both men and women alike on the subject of whether or not they believe men and women can be friends. I have received different replies, many of which are resounding "YES!". And for those who do say "NO" - equally as resounding, they always do list exceptions to the rule, such as a childhood friend and/or a good friend of the family.

Now, we are not talking co-workers here, or my sister's BFF, or my brothers best friend cousin. We are talking about ongoing, lasting, and fulfilling relationships, non sexual, between a man and a woman.

There are those that take the stance that men and women, for the most part, cannot be platonic friends. They argue that, even though there are onesie and twosie examples of the exception to the rule, exceptions prove the rule. There is the belief system that for the most part, an opposite sex relationship comes from: An initial attraction that dissipated quickly (from one side) and the people continued to remain friends, OR, a situation where one pines (secretly) over another person, and continues to be that great BFF until they either think a lightbulb is going to shine in the head of the other person, or that they will have an opportunity to, for lack of a better word, penetrate the best friend from a romantic standpoint. That, male/female relationships are just one person seeing the other one as 'just a friend' and the other person, knowing that they are seen in the eyes of the their BFF as someone that is strictly a confidant, takes the relationship for what it is, and continues to develop the relationship, and enjoy the person, for how they can have them. But BOTTOM LINE, if the opportunity presents itself because, the underlying attraction is there, at least for one. . .

For the argument that takes the stance that men and women CAN be friends, they cite that communication, connectivity, confidance, and comfort break gender barriers, and you cannot help who you feel most comfortable with, sharing your deepest, (and sometimes darkest secrets). THIS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND, MAKE NO BONES ABOUT IT. This is the person that understands you, and can even provide you advice from the gender perspective that you are looking for, particularly if you are looking for relationship advice. They are the people that know about that someone special first, and are equally the ones that hear about the drama, and the pain as well about anything and everything in your life. Yes, even their arms you feel secure in, and so what if there is some underlying attraction there; the platonic relationship is valued so much more, you would never want to cross that line. And that there are truly Will and Grace's of the world.

Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

Or Do You Believe This is A Pretense?

What's in a Name?

There are many things that happen when a couple becomes lawfully wedded. They move in together (if in fact, they have not put the cart before the horse already), decided who is going to take the lead in certain areas (finances, etc), and they start the conversion process of becoming one unit.

The initial purposes of a blended family name came from initially the woman adopting the customs of the home that she has been welcomed into. It was a show of solidarity and uniformity. Don't quote me, but I also know that it was also (at least with tribes) a way to idenfity certain tribes/groups of people.

With that said, with an ever-evolving change in (Western) culture and civilization we are seeing a number of different things evolving behind surnames. Here are the options. For the purposes of neutrality, I will reserve my opinion about how I feel about this until all people have commented.

Traditional - Female Surname Change: This is the most common practice of most people for many reasons - religious, historic, tradition, fairy tale-esq. Also utilized for purposes of as to not 'confuse' things, to keep in solidarity with children, and to fulfill, what is often times, a lifelong wish of many women to 'change their last name'.

Modern - Female Blend and/or hyphenation. Often times, linguistic things are lost (ethnic, only child last name) become lost in the shuffle when a woman transitions over to the husband. In a show of solidarity to the marriage, as well as recognizing keeping her heritage intact, she will elect to substitute her middle name for her maiden name, or hyphenate her last name for that reason.

Post-Modern - Keeping the Surname. Most people who do this is for innumerable reasons, many of which I could never support here. It seems prevalent in the workplace with women who work outside the home who have longstanding histories with their employer/line of work, or those that don't align their philophies with a patriach - type structure. Or, they just never got around to it.

Metrosexual - Husband changing their last name. It's becoming more and more popular, either by name change, or blending of the last names. Our very own mayor is one of those people who did this. A girlfriend of mines also indicated that her dude's brother opted to hyphenate his name because the children's names were hyphenated, and he didn't want to be 'left out'.

I have a few male readers - I would like for you to openly express how you feel about this and your reasons (if any) behind the feelings that you do have.

Females - please also feel free to express yourself. I will post my opinions after most have commented.

So you tell me, What's In A Name?

I Wanna Sex You Up

"Though your girlfriends a friend of mine

Here's my number and a dime, call me anytime. . ."

Skyy - Call Me.

Recently, a girlfriend of mines (who is a lurker but not a commenter) confided in me about an incident that happened with a good friend's husband. In the interest of keeping track of things, we will assign names:

Michelle: My friend
John: her dude
Becky: Her friend
Mark: Becky's Husband

What had happened wuz, my girlfriend and her dude had an overnight visit to Becky and Mark's house. Mark, Becky's husband, had a little too much likka in him. Michelle and Becky crashed in one room; Mark and John in the other.

Becky sleeps very very hard and Mark knows this. Without going into all the sordid details out there like that, Mark approaches Michelle at three thirty in the mutha fucken mornin drunk as all get out, commences to attempt to feel her up in her SLEEP (her breasts) and then tells her he has been desiring her for years and wants to perform on her in every way possible. He tells her that he thinks she is incredibly sexy and that he knows she is a freak, because he KNOWS she is. She is appalled, shocked, angry, everything in between. Most of all, she is sleepy, and this is almost surreal for her. She told me that he was looking at her in 'that way' that a man looks at you. He was BEGGING her to let him copulate her. What happened after that is irrelevant to the topic (for the record, she DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM), just put it this way: She ain't one to phuck with. Her father will blast anybody who messes with her, and her uncle lives not too far from where it happened, and if she told him, would come by and I quote "snap a nigga's neck and keep it pushing". She handled her business, case is closed.

In any case, this incident triggered a lot of memories of similar incidents that have happened to me.

The first one was when I was in the eleventh grade. My friend was going out with this guy that we all grew up with. Since we all grew up together, we all had each other's personal information/addresses, phone numbers, etc. Well one day we were all on the three way (remember this was the S**** back in the day!!!!) , and she had to get off the phone. So me and dude, we kept talking. Long story short, he went on to profess his feelings for me, and asked me could we hook up on the side for some fooling around. I was authentically shocked! It took me a long time before I confronted my friend with this, who in turn confronted him. He denied it. Our relationship was strained for awhile, but after that, we resumed our friendship. She even went to the prom with that cat. Incidentally, a year later we (me and the guy) ended up scrapping over some bull****, no doubt because of the tension of all of this. In this case, I think she believed me; she just chose to get back with him.

The second incident was more on the ADULT SIDE with my friend's 'baby daddy' about ten years ago. . .I went to elementary school with HER, but I went to high school with HIM. When he was trying to reconcile with her, he was coming at her STRONG. One day he called me expressing her feelings to her about me (remember, I knew HIM before SHE did), and then suddenly there was a shift. It went from talking about her, to it's late why don't you come on by here so I can break you off, considering I had a crush on you and your big booty way back when. FURTHERMORE, he indicated that no one had to know, that we could keep in on the down low, and wouldn't that arrangement be great if he got back with her???

((insert crazy look here))

I was floored. I didn't tell her and this was why. . . Everybody had told her about that fool (and he was one). At that time, she was so blinded by him it was unbelievable. See, he had scorned her before and all she was concerned about was losing him. She had received phone calls from others (friends, strangers and Ex's) warning her of his indiscretions. She went on to five years of marriage and two more before she was truly sick and tired of him.

I have had both male and female friends indicate to me similar incidents. I know for sure, that one of my male friends had some of his girlfriend's WOMEN try to approach him on the DL because she was bragging on him being a freak-a-leek, (a definite rule breaker in my book), so she went all out on a smear campaign AGAINST HER OWN GIRL to try and get it on the DL.

Has this happened to you before?
Have you done/thought about this?
(Anonymous posts are okay)