Tuesday, May 30, 2006

K-PAT Songs of Seduction

I love music.

It moves me, soothes me, fills me, and also seduces me. There are some songs, that no matter how many times you hear them, they fill you with an intense desire to. . .participate in extracurricular activities.

What songs lull me to seduction? Glad you asked. Without further adieu, here are the songs that K-PAT FM enjoys listening to on the airwaves:

Don't Say Goodnight - Isley Brothers. Now, this is not Isley "Between the Sheets" or Isley Jasper Isley, or Mr. Bigg type of Isley Brothers. This is Isley from the T-Neck (what y'all know about that) years. These are the songs that many a child, I'm sure, was conceived on, present company prolly included. This particular song just reminds me of old school house parties that I was not allowed to attend, where folks was up against the wall grinding on each other. The way this song starts out just moves me to eroticism.

One In A Million - Aaliyah. What is it about this song that makes me want to get on a stripper pole, I dunno. But it starts off where you are dayum near taking off your shirt. I miss terribly the pureness of her voice and the fluidity of her lyrics.

Come Away With Me - Norah Jones. The lyrics of this are so haunting, yet so idealized, it puts you into a trance. It's a song that sings of a freedom that most of us do not have. She purrs about no one getting in the way of their love. They can live off the land, and she will write songs for him, and they don't have to worry about nothing and no one. You can hear in her voice the wanting, yet the knowing that it will prolly never happen.

No Ordinary Love - Sade. Now, I say this with a disclaimer. Picking one song from Sade is like asking a condemned prisoner to pick their poison. How can I choose? I love and breath Sade music like there is no tomorrow. But for the purposes of this, I chose this one. There have been many occasions where I have been frustrated, sad, and all I had to do was here the pulsating few seconds of this, and I was ready for anything and everything, usually at that point wanting to be seduced - that is what we are talking about, right, right?

Your Body's Calling - R. Kelly. I have always had a penchant for R. Kelly's music. But the yearning and longing in his voice that I hear when he sings sounds like someone who wants and needs to rescue someone from their agony of, well, being horny. This too, is a song that brings visions of wrapping my legs around a pole (pun intended), but definitely not around him, I'm like twenty years past his expiration date on females. By the way, doesn't R. Kelly look absolutely rithickulous on this picture?

Adore - Prince. Little known fact: This song was never officially released as a single. Was a B Side song that caught the ears (and captured the hearts) of MANY a fan, present company included. This song brings it to the table, you need not even deal with someone on this song unless you are ready to turn up the heat and be bout it, bout it.

I have hundreds more, (Lutha being one of them, but that was another pick your poison type of thing, and I got lazy) but these are the ones that come to my immediate forefront. But K-PAT wants to hear from you. I'm interested in what white chocolate soul is going to say.

What are some of the songs that heat up YOUR airwaves?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Wind Beneath Your Wings

I don't do new age.

Let me repeat myself for the sake of clarification. I.Don't.Do.New.Age and the catch phrases associated with them. I'm not into anything new. As a matter of fact, because I personally believe that there is nothing new under the sun. Now, I DO do progressive, that's an entirely different subject.

With that said, after numerous conversations with a good friend, concerning current issues with our friends, things we have experienced and felt (and still feel), I firmly believe in the connectivity factors one associates with finding your soulmate and/or twin flame.

I believe there is a difference between loving someone, being in love, and finding an incredible connection that exists spiritually, mentally, physically, and is dayum near sacred. The connectivity factor that exists without words, crosses language, ethnic (though P, like others, loves the dark meat). I full on believe that many, many, times, because of other factors that are in place (distance, economics, another spouse, children, etc), the relationship does not pan out. Often times people say, if someone is for you, then you will end up being with that person.

Not necessarily true, in my humble opinion. Here are some people from movies, that I believe, the couples demonstrated soulmate-like traits:

  • Same Time, Next Year
  • Love and Basketball
  • The Good Earth
  • Message in a Bottle (the end of this movie was wack. I was traumatized for days)
  • Forrest Gump
  • An Affair to Remember
  • The Notebook
  • Ghost
  • Jason's Lyric
  • Coming to America (hehe)
I can go on and on but you get the point. Don't you?

The point I am saying, is that I believe that there is this intense emotional, spiritual attraction that you have to a person that transcends the physical realm. You can't imagine what it was like NOT knowing them if you have experienced this, and if you haven't, you can't imagine feeling this way about ANYONE. You hear what they hear. You feel what they are feeling. You know what they are thinking. You know what to say, when to say it, and why to them, and vice versa. You wake up in the middle of the night and you know it has something to do with them. Sometimes you will tell them something or they will tell you something later and you're like "I knew that", or "Oh. . .That's why I felt that way". It's incredible. And sometimes overwhelming.

In our day to day relationships, the love that builds can become strong, comforting, and, to a point, more stable than the love we have for our soulmates (if, in fact, our mate that we have now is NOT our soulmate). However, there is that one, that feels when you feel, knows when you know. If you have seen any of the above movies, you will know how these feelings oft times transcend any and everything. Every wonder why you feel what you feel when you see these movies?

Do you believe in Soulmates? Do you have one? Are you with them? If not, do you think about them? Do you see or talk to them sometimes?

Due to the nature of this broadcast, K-PAT respects your privacy and will accept anonymous contributors. (But the suspense will kill me and the viewing audience).

Monday, May 22, 2006

AMW - Artists Most Wanted

This just in: After several years of struggling and digging for clues, we are requesting help from our listening audience. These cases have transitioned to our cold case files, and most of the evidence surrounding their disappearance are locked away at the record labels. But we believe that are best resource, the listening public, can help us crack these cases. In fact, "you can bet your last money, it's going to be a stone gas" when we get a break in the case.

Karyn White: This Superwoman, as she was known as, was last seen conducting a Secret Rendezvous with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. With Numerous cassettes milling around in people's Nissan Sentra's, Blazers, and Hyundai Excel's we expect a break in the case at any time.
B Angie B: One of the more promising singers, from the MC Hammer/New Jack generation, this gyrating, flamboyant singer once ruled the airwaves with her remake of the Emotions Classic "I Don't Want to Lose Your Love". Men lusted after her, women aimed to gyrate like her. We suspect she may be traveling with Oaktown's 357 .

Gregory Abbott: This crooner came to the scene during a renaissance of R & B Music. With his clean cut Reggie Theus/Philip Michael Thomas look, coupled with that light-skin green eyed look that was the rage in the 80's, he captured our hearts and minds with "Shake You Down". Listening audience should know that he was last seen hanging out a Miami-Vice era reunion.

SWV: Known for the strong vocals of their lead singer, COCO, "Es, Double You Vee" were the performers of the women's anthem "Downtown". They may be traveling under the alias "Sisters With Voices"

The Rude Boys: These Cleveland Boys, with their strong voices and equally strong good looks, had a hit on their hands with the Gerald Levert Inspired - Written All Over Your Face. They were last seen hanging out with Portrait and Lo-Key, searching for a new record label.

En Vogue - Literally and figuratively, born to sing, these girls were our future. Our living womanhood. Looks, Body and Voice, these triple threat women stirred the loins of every man, the admiration of every woman, and were the forerunners of a group that they could run circles around, Destiny's Child. A reliable informant indicated that were last seen trying to get out of their contracts with Denzil Foster and Thomas McElroy.

Jodeci: So much crack, so little time. As the record sales stacked up, so did their popularity. One of the more sexually charged groups of the nineties, the antics of the background player (Devonte), created as much energy as the lead singers K-Ci and Jojo. They were last seen doing a little bit of everything.

Guy: Another leftover from the New Jack Swing era of music, Guy featured the likes of brothers Aaron and Damien Hall, and producer Teddy Riley. After tickling our ears with the danceable - "Teddy's Jam", and "Groove Me", they equally surprised us with more low tempo songs such as "Goodbye Love" and "Piece of My Love". At least one of the band members, Teddy Riley is on the run, as he has sought shelter with Wrecks N Effect and Blackstreet.

A reward will be offered leading to the re-sign and release that these artists will drop. For further information, Please contact Democratic Representative William Jefferson.

If you, or someone you know has any information on the whereabouts of these artists, or any other missing artists, please contact P at KPAT-FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

And So We Commence

Aptly titled, this was episode that was the swan song, the final foray into the series that rescued sitcoms from the depths of despair, the Cosby Show. Needless to say, he should have waltzed off with Clair Huxtable into the sunset and kept his ass there, because now he's getting on our nerves the same way OJ Simpson does. Sit.The.Fhuuck.Down!

Usually, I don't delve into the social commentary sector. Not because I don't enjoy it or cannot express myself accordingly, I just leave it to the celeb-couture social commentary expert who has it on lock.

But this mutha fucka (thanks Phoenix for letting me borrow the term) is getting on my nerves. I want to break down his commentary as he gave the Keynote speaker address for Spelman College's graduation. The Title of the Speech (as interpreted by KPAT): "Black.Men.Ain't.Shit."

You know the routine - Black is Cosby, Pink is K-PAT FM.

"It's no time for you to play any more" (WTF? Who says that they ARE playing? Obviously they are not, if they are standing in front of you for a commencement exercise).

Instead, he urged them to become entrepreneurs, to fix what's wrong in their communities and to properly raise and protect their children. Fix is a bad, bad, word. It is not a woman's job to FIX anything. That's like telling the parent of a drug addict to fix the drug habit. It is the job of both women and men to seek out the help that they need in order to make a change on their own. Change comes from realizing your possibilities, and leaving the past behind you. The core of it comes from so many other variables. He all but said fix the socio-economic, anomie-strain issues that lie in the forefront of disadvantaged communities. SIDEBAR: That doesn't mean that everyone who is from a disadvantaged neighborhood can't make it happen, so spare me the details).

"I want you to spread the word," "It's your time. You can't back away from it." ? It's whose time. Why does there have to be a 'time' for anything. Does he believe that anyone that goes through the trouble of 4-6 years of a collegiate education is going to squander it? Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but exceptions prove the rule. Everyone talks about education, education, education, and if education is the key, and we are smarter than we ever were, why is the world worse off than it was socially fifty years ago?

African-American women college graduates, he said, have no choice. The continuing plight of black men makes it necessary for them to take charge. "Men as young boys are dropping out of high school, but they can memorize lyrics of very difficult rap songs and know how to braid each other's hair," Cosby said, drawing laughter and applause. It's nothing funny about this, so I don't know why this everyone laughed, and worse off, applauded. And why is he showing out in front of company? He all but sliced off a black man's balls with a machete, and ground them up in a Jack La Laine Juicer, and served it up to the graduating class of women, some who already have classist mentalities about our men.

Cosby's remarks echo others he's made around the country urging African-Americans to assume more responsibility for fixing the problems that plague their families and communities. (Fhuucck you, Dr. Huxtable. You need make sure you sweep up under your rug and handle your own current state of affairs)

With that said, let's talk about the elephant in the room.

I, by no means, am a male basher. Never have been. I would have to say that the generation of my fathers, in some respect, failed their families. For whatever reason. Whether it was machismo attitudes, drugs, violence, infidelity, irresponsibility, or any combination thereof, there are some things that were lacking and lost. But there were also men that were just that, men that didn't allow for excuses, and financial acumens, and other variables to take away from their manhood, and did the best they could with what they had. (James Evans, anyone?)

But what disturbs me about Cliff Huxtable's comments are that when he talks, I think about this child, and this one, and this one, and this man, and this one, and I know that some of our men are in a bad state. But MOST of them are not in prison. He didn't verbalize that right. There are disproportionate amounts of minorities in prison based upon the population percentile they occupy in society. That's a bold faced lie.

He talks too.damn.much. I don't see him opening any facilities that are dedicated to supporting and guiding the male to be in a leadership capacity. I don't see him contributing financially to:

- 100 Black Men
- Morehouse (Though he gave a substantial (20 million) amount to Spelman
- Boys and Girls Club

So, put your money where your mouth is, bitch, and run us some money.

(PS: My anger was actually triggered not by me, but from a discussion that I had with my friend, who agrees that he should have said it. Three years ago, she would have thought different, but now she has a hair up her ass and is 'graduating' from college in two weeks and thinks her sheeat doesn't stink). And any one who knows me personally, knows how I feel about THAT school!

Live, and Pissed from LA, this is P reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Trois - Update on The Itch Is Here!

As mentioned in a previous post, "John" was interested in having a threesome with his wife and another woman from her job.

K-PAT FM has just received word that the itch has been scratched. Now I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard it from me, BUT I figured that all of you would want an update on what occurred with "John".

Like to hear it, hear it goes: (Black is "John" - Pink is K-PAT FM)

I did it over this weekend - what we had talked about

Hmm. And your thoughts? You want to talk about it? How is everything?

:) :) :) Everything was and still is lovely. I could not make it in yesterday. WORK!!!! MAJOR WORK!!!!!! We did not stop until Monday afternoon about 2 o clock. We started out on Sunday night!

Hmm. Thats interesting. And you plan on doing this again?

Might be tonight - her and the wife are going to Vegas for a few days so she is staying the night over our house tonight. Because they fly out first thing tomorrow morning.

Do you think that they are going to be doing a little something something while they are out in Vegas? Has the missus ever did something like this before. Has the girl?

Yea they are planning to do a lil something down there. Nah she has not done anything like this. Nah the girl has not either (that's what she says) Oh yea everybody enjoyed it. We all talked about it and she made a lil comment on how it was a long night!

Was it an anything goes kind of night? If you know what I mean?


Which one said what's up daddy? Do you think ole girl is going to come back to the house with her?

Baby girl just did - not the wife. She MORE than likely will. She likes what I kicking! Boy if I could tell you some scenes of went down you might even blush! J JUST NASTY! I COULD NOT LOOK MYSELF IN THE FACE AFTER THAT! Man we went through soo many bottles of water up in there! It was MAJOR!

End of Email. . .

When I talked to him over the phone, he indicated to me that they went out and listened to some music, and then went out to dinner. Then they came back and was just 'kickin it' on the couch watching a movie. The wifey went into the kitchen to get something to drink and by the time she came back it was crackin. And so the story goes. And he is right, some of the stuff he told me messed my little virgin innocent unexposed ears up, so I will spare you the details.

End of story, right? Wrong. . .Thing of it is. . .

The 'other' woman keeps texting him, saying they should hook up on the side. She works with his wifey. He doesn't know what to do. And she keeps raving about his performance.

Sidebar: While his wife was in Vegas, he kept calling me at creepy hours of the night (2:30, 3:00 AM). Negro, please, do not get me caught up in your Trapped in the closet, part V.

**EDIT, EDIT EDIT** Just got an email that the mistress, or whatever you want to call her, sent him a card and some flowers thanking me for a fun night! She came over to the crib and was just chillin yesterday laying all over their bed. She told him she feels REAL comfortable around them. Also, on Saturday Night, when he and the wife and lil mama was coming home she told his wife: "Just have 'John' drop you off at the house first since you are tired and then have him drop me off last… "and the wife was like “ is you crazy!?!?!”

What do you think? Do you think this will ride (pun intended) into the sunset? Or has Pandora's Box been opened?

Live, (and feeling kind of sordid) in LA, this is P, reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Who We Be

Mother: 1 a : a female parent b (1) : a woman in authority; specifically : the superior of a religious community of women (2) : an old or elderly woman2 : 3 : maternal tenderness or affection.

Mother's day is not just for the obvious. It's also Happy Mother's Day To:

- Women who have given birth, either by natural, or caeserean

- Mothers whose children will never live to see the light of day

- Mothers who will never live to see their children in the light of day

- Women who have lost children through spontaneous abortion (miscarriage)

- Women who are barren with bodies unable to support children - Children that exist only in the heavens & their imagination

- Sisters who have stepped in an become mama-an adult in a child's body

- Babysitters/Nannies, and Child Care Workers

- Surrogate Moms

- Ladies that drink the babies (hehe)

- Childless by choice women who have made other children their priority

- Grandmother's who have taken in their grandchildren because of drugs, death, etc

- Girls who play with their dolls daydreaming of a happily ever after life

- Women who have escaped from the nightmare that was once a dream come true

- 'Step' Mothers who mother those children as if there are no steps

- Aunts/Sisters/Other who step in where the mother left off - or never was

- Mothers who are disabled and cannot have full charge of their children

- Nurses who stay up and hold the children that are terminally ill

- Volunteers who hold the children at orphanes when no one else will

- Women who ache for the child they lost long ago, through death, natural causes, or abortion

- Childless women who caretake and give advice to her friends and family on an on call basis

- Co-workers that take on a mentor to help them out

- The WCBH - and the X-Chromosome Factor

- Mothers who have lost their children to the streets

- Women of the spiritual order (Nuns) who have given up their material lives for others

- Mothers who are incarcerated

- Mothers with incarcerated children

- The teacher that gave the child money to go on the field trip, because their mother couldn't afford to

- Fathers whose children have no mothers

- Mothers whose children have no fathers

- Godmothers who spoil their godchildren

- Teenage mothers who don't know how the hell they ended up that way

- Mothers in Iraq unable to be with their children

- Mothers with children in Iraq

- Mothers of the civil rights movement

- Girls scared (and smart) enough to turn their children over to adoptive parents who will love them forever

- Women who are brave enough to adopt the child that a woman did not care for

- Women in law enforcement and other public sectors who look out for the best interests of children (Officer, Judges, Social Workers, Attorneys, Politician, Pediatrians)

- Women who have chosen to care for the health of a child (Pediatrians/Obstetricians)

All of that means:

Happy Mother's Day to YOU!

All of you, who have made a difference in someone's life!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

"I Know You Are, But What Am I?"

"And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient" (Romans 1:28)

4:45 am (Riiinnnnggggg!)

P: Hello


P: (In a semi-comatose voice) "Excuse Me?"

Family Stone: "P, I don't have time to play games with you, what is her cell phone number?"

P: "You don't call my house at 4:45 am drilling me, Beeach!" (BAM - hangs up the phone).

Well not really, "BAM", because cordless phones don't give you that type of effect, but y'all get the point. :P

4:46 am: ((RIIIINNNGGGG!))

P: The number is 555.1212

RIIINNNNNGG 7:00 am: Hi.

P: Hi, Ma:

Ma: Did you call the Family Stone a Name?

P: Yes.

Ma: Have you ever did something wrong before?

P: What does that have to do with anything?

Ma: You shouldn't call her names, she doesn't know what she is doing.

P: That's not my problem.

Ma: You're right. But what if it was an emergency?

P: What did she want?

Ma: A copy of her birth certificate**

P: That's not an emergency. Folks only call that time of the morning with bad news, usually death. So what's your point, Ma?

Ma: Just don't let her affect you. You are supposed to set the example by being a Christian.

P: Being a Christian has nothing to do with this. I have to go to work! She called and woke me up!

Ma: Just don't let her affect you, okay? I don't want you to get upset over this mess.

**Re: The birth certificate. For those of you that have not been reading long enough, my sister asks for her birth certificate at least half a dozen times a year. If you want to know the history of my sister, click on the links regarding her. Why the hell is she always asking for it?

The bottom line is, my mother is both wrong, and both right.

She is wrong in that she didn't say, at any point, that it was wrong for The Family Stone to call me at fo in the mo-nin. I felt like, she (and my father), were once again, making excuses for her. (that's another post).

She is right in that The Family Stone is not going to change. I have to change. Getting mad and calling her a bitch didn't change the fact that she called right back and I gave her the number anyway. I have to manage this, not anyone else.

I will tell you, however, that something in her voice triggers anger in me. You can read the previous post, but in June it will have been four years since she skipped off on her kids and has not seen them. Again, check previous posts for her profession and drug of choice. I did get mad because I see what it does and has done to them (they live with their father, which is okay, but he's two sandwiches short of a picnic himself).

This 4:45 phone call was different though. She sounded the same, but I could hear the streets in her. I could hear death and destruction. I could hear a life wasted. Her life has been spared so many times, but I think the cat's lives are running out. I am not sure if I'll ever see her alive again. That angers, and upsets me. My parents hold out hope, I'm sure her kids don't want to, but the streets own her.

She has to be accountable for her life. And so do I. Because of that, I can't get upset and try to make her not call. For as long as my number remains the same, she will call. She is a provoker, and instigator, a hooker, an addict. So, I have to transform myself. To be even keeled, unaffected, relaxed, and resigned to her fate. It's not easy, but I'm willing to do it, for myself. And divine intervention is needed for both myself and her. But for me, I will accept it. Whatever she does, that's on her. Trust me when I say I have NOT enabled her. I don't put money on books, I don't accept collect calls, and I don't hook her up. But I do get mad at her, but not anymore, not after today.

**Sigh** and y'all wonder, why I have issues bonding with the X-Chromosome.

Flying high in the friendly sky, Without ever leaving the ground, And I ain't seen nothing but trouble baby, Nobody really understands, no no, And I go to the place where the good feelin' awaits me, Self destruction in my hand, Oh Lord, so stupid minded, Oh and I go crazy when I can't find it, Well I know I'm hooked my friend, To the boy who makes slaves out of men. - "Flying High", Marvin Gaye.

Live and Sleepy from LA, this is P reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Faces of Death. . .


Before I start, wanted to give a shout out to J's little spot for showing love for the B-Ball players, especially in light of the playoffs. (Well, I'm obsessed with AI and Jordan, but the rest of the pics are worth looking at for aestetic value). I don't care for Lebron James I have enough of those in my life (hehe @ inside joke), plus he bites his nails and YOU know that I don't do bitten nails. Any way, for the ones that I do love, I wish I could play a game with them. I wanna play. Also, go by there and give her a little boost of encouragement - she could use it. But anyway, back to the ballers - I might even wanna get double teamed. Okay, that was the phreak in me I don't really mean that. (Little voice in me: You didn't mean that really, you nasty whore!?! Right? Right).

This is my fiftieth post. Ah, remember the good ole dayz when I was just commenting and not blogging?? It was that girl (hehe)that encouraged me to open up one, as there were a few that I could not comment on, because they did not accept anonymous comments.

Anywho, fifty (in the anniversary sense) is represented as gold. Gold is precious. Life is precious. And the thought of losing it, or being in the trenches, and the stench of death has sent me a-quivering many of days. I consider life a gift. But I also consider life an adventure. Nothing is promised, so my expectations of the future are everything, and they are nothing. I want to tell you about things that almost happened to me. Almost is the word. As Brandi says, almost doesn't count.

In short, I have had my share of being scared shi*less several times in my life. Don't worry if you chuckle at the second one, we all laugh about it, now.

Close Call #1 – Age 13

You know there was always the neighborhood liquor store where everyone knew the owner, or at least the cashier. There was a Vietnamese man who worked there that would always give me free things (I was 13) and ask where my sister was, his future wife, he would say. She was 18 at the time. He was very nice and always wore jeans and nikes to work. That day, I went over there and got some twinkies and a creme soda (yeah I know waaayy to much sugar). He talked to me for a little while, and I went back across the street home.

I was in the house not fifteen minutes when I heard "ambulampses" and fire trucks. So, me, being me, I walk across the street to see what's going on at the Milk Palace. There are police all around, but not in the area that I was in. There were way too many looky-loos (about 40) over there. The yellow line was up.

There were two people shot. One dead, one wounded. The wounded person was being treated and stabilized and was being transported. The other person was under a white blanket in the store, almost completely covered up.

Except for the Nikes.

The article in the paper, I remember it clearly, saying "Geung Suk Park, 34, of Long Beach, was dead on arrival of police". Based on the timing, I had just left the store not five minutes when the strong arm robbery occurred. A customer tried intervening and was shot, and Geung tried to fight back and was killed.

Close Call #2 – Age 16

It was after a basketball game at my high school. My girlfriends and I were walking home, and we saw this '64 that pulled along side us. Someone looked back at us; we just looked, and they kept rolling.

Once we turned the corner, the '64 was halfway down the street. The passenger leaned out the window, and aimed right at us with the biggest gun. The only way to describe it was the scene in Boyz in the Hood when they rolled by and killed those boyz that Killed Rickeeeyyy!

It was a surreal moment. All of us girls saw the gun coming at us at the same time. No one had to say.a.word. All of us (it felt like slow motion), turned around, hit the corner, and took off running. We could hear the car screeching down the street coming towards us. We ran three houses down and started banging on the door of our friend's house. Her mother answered the door (not the screen door, just the door). We yanked open the screen door and went tearing through the living room breathing very heavily all screaming and shouting different things. Want to know the punchline?

Her mother has never met us.

So we scared her half to death. Needless to say, our friend had already made it home, because she had went to the game, too, and we were able to explain (breathlessly so) what was going on. All good news, right? WRONG.

One of our friends was missing.

So now we are sweating bullets. We were NOT about to leave that house just yet and when we did (about thirty minutes later), we went back the same way looking for her.She said the hell with us. We found her hiding in the backyard of the corner of the house that we were on (we were at the corner when this happened). She decided to wait it out there. Not a bad idea!

I have more but I want to hear yours. Car crashes, near misses, drownings, or even being close to to the whispering, lingering, beckoning call of death. You name it. Holla at yo girl.

Have you had any brushes with death?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

You Betta Ax Somebody

Normally, I don't hoo-bang on folks, because I leave that to the experts more tamed in the sista girl art of telling it like it T.I.S.


A recent post that I read from time to time (a great post) by the way, always gave way to a blog war.

So, without further adieu, this is how it all went down. . . Blue comments-P, Black comments, other. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. (Myself). HAHA!


YAH, I'm first!

If you could only see my head right now, I feel like a bobblehead doll.

Whether or not what you said is positive or popular (and I think that it is both), hearing it from the horse's mouth is priceless. My name is not Cleo and I'm not a psychic, so I love hearing what men want.

And, I think this is simple enough and speaks volumes.

As for the cooking, I think that's especially good because you want to make sure that she cooked it herself, and knows what she is doing.

One dollop of sour cream, coming up!

Posted by:
P Wednesday, May 03, 2006 at 07:25 AM

good list of suggestions! Love that list for a potential mate...
Posted by: Wednesday, May 03, 2006 at 08:10 AM

I always love to hear what a man wants. Some of the things you suggested are not appropriate for the woman who is just dating, though. Nor is it appropriate for a non-married couple, IMO. I think #2, 6, 7, and 9, are great for dating. I think #1 & 4 should be saved for the monogamous relationship. I think #8, can’t be expected of all women. In this day and age some women just won’t/can’t/SHOULDN’T (you’d be better off if they didn’t) clean. #3, 5, and 10 are definitely a benefit of marriage/engagement/or life partner (for those that don’t believe in marriage). You shouldn’t be giving out freak pics to a man who may not be the one. If he’s not, then you can expect your pic to be plastered on every media forum when the shit hits the fan. “Dropping it off” is something that requires a lot of trust and stability, afterall the woman is completely giving of herself when she does something like this. Every man loves a little freak, but women need to protect themselves first and their innocence. When you find the right man you both will be a lot better off if you saved these activities for him alone. Buying a man draws, is like claiming your territory. If you’re not sure if you’d like to buy the property why start decorating it…LOL.
Posted by:
Wednesday, May 03, 2006 at 08:12 AM

I respect your comments - But I think that he is inferring what men want in a relationship. I think, we as women, tend to make things more complicated. I don't believe that if we were to put a list of things we want out of men, they would say "Well, no, I think this, that, and the other". They would be like "Is that what you want, Ok, cool".

If I want to learn how to cook, I'm going to ask Patti Labelle, Not Jessica Simpson. So, if I want to know what a man wants, I am going to ask a man, I'm not going to ask a woman who thinks she knows what a man wants.

Bottom line. This is not rocket science. I don't think many men (and again, I'm not trying to speak for them) would NOT co-sign to this list.

To me, this is spelled out better to me than wheel of fortune.

PS: Who says women are innocent? That's a social construct designed to make the male the predator and the woman innocent of all charges. Want proof? Look at the sentences these female teacher predators get for having UNLAWFUL SEX with children. Do you think that would happen to a man.

Look at what happens when a woman kills her children (she's mentally ill) versus a man (domestic violence)

As a matter of fact, I think you have provided me with the idea for my next post, so I thank you for that.
Posted by:
P Wednesday, May 03, 2006 at 09:38 AM

@P - I think your response to me is totally uncalled for. If a man lets me know what he would like from me, then I think it is only fair for me to voice what I am willing to do, and how I feel about what he wants. This is an open forum, to open up dialogue and exchange ideas after all. Who are you to try and quiet me? I didn’t claim to know what a man wants, I simply stated what I, as a woman, am willing and not willing to do. Please don’t put words in my mouth. If I, as a woman, put a list out there of what I want, I would definitely like to hear how the men felt about it; what they thought was great, and what they thought was outlandish. How else will I grow? If we were all ‘yes men’, coming up in here nodding our heads, and agreeing with each other on every point then we would have no dimension. The goal should not be to think alike, but to act in our common interests. I think your denial of women’s innocence and use of the current media coverage of a few depraved women to support that, demonizes all women. We are different (men and women), we have different roles in our current society, and we shouldn’t forget that.
Posted by:
Wednesday, May 03, 2006 at 10:30 AM

Your interpretation of what I said is incorrect.
Five short things:
1. I'm not going to engage in a blog war. Unnecessary.
2. I stated my opinions, and that is my right as well.
3. I'm not bitter about anything you said. (See number two).
4. I'm out.
5. You can comment after this if you want. I'm not interested in getting the last word.

This is K-PAT talking now.

Bitch, please. This is HIS interpretation of what a man wants. And, considering he IS a man, I think he is the expert in the field. Hell, no wonder why the brother is on the verge, all those directives you gave. Do this, do that. Do half of number one, do two thirds of number four, FUCK!

I JUST TOLD HER ASS that I respected her opinion. But I thought maybe I was stupid, so I decided to look up the word "Respect".

Respect: a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation; remarks having respect to an an act of giving particular attention : CONSIDERATION: high or special regard : ESTEEM the quality or state of being esteemed:expressions of respect or deference.

And who the hell is she telling folks what should and should not be said on their blog: Re: Um, I always love to hear what a man wants. Some of the things you suggested are not appropriate for the woman who is just dating, though. Nor is it appropriate for a non-married couple, IMO.

You dayum right IMO. Opinions are just like assholes, everyone has one. So why are you telling me what I should and should not feel about women. Too much Lifetime. Now, my approach with speaking with her was not to slash her down or clown her. I was just indicating that this is what a MAN said that A MAN wants from A WOMAN. I'm sure that all of the denominations are interchangeable. Hell it's like a FICO score, you win some and you lose some. Doesn't mean you have to do them all. The brother was just laying down some general criteria from a man's perspective. Take it or leave it. I chose to take it, she chose to toss it up like a salad. And that is her right. But DO NOT go hoo-banging on me over some bullshit, I gives a dayum this is some old school Southern Cali ghetto Comptonetta girl coming out of me.

You got me mixed up. You better ax somebody.

By the way, if in fact YOU, who seems to have a hair up your ass, decide to come by, take a detour and see how a genuine phoenix brings it to the table.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Itch is Here! What do I Do?

That was the recent title of an email from a friend of mines. The story of how we became friends (over ten years) is interesting. I met another guy who "John" was with years ago. The brother tried to spit at me, but he had a woman. So, he decided I was too nice to 'play' and literally handed over my number to "John" (who was with him when I met him).

"John" has tried to get with me for years. He ran off and got married about four years ago and cut off contact with me. I understand, though, his wife is pretty jealous, she is a prim and proper church going type of chick. (I go to church so I am NOT making fun of that, I just think she is that way in the strictest traditional form of it. Anyway, he found my old yahoo email (aquaboogi), and we resumed communication.

The following is a sequential order of communications that we had. Black is the brother, pink is P.

The itch is here! What do I do?
Hmm. What do you mean?
U know that itch… that u get here and there
I think that we all get it love. You just have to channel your energy and think in another direction

NAH! Man I gotta a story for you... but I don’t know if you can handle it!
You already know I can. I’m a ryda.

Man…. It’s crazy! My wife wants me to find a woman to join us in a lil something something!

RU Serious? I have a few questions? Is your wife bout it bout it? Do you think she is curious? What do you think about it? Do you plan on doing it? Did she approach you with it? After you tell me I will give you my opinion.

She is just curious on that level... She aint leaving me. I think it’s cool that she is comfortable with herself like that. I may plan on going thru with it. She approached me with the idea. We talk about our sexual fantasies... we real open like that. But NO other dudes will be in our lil thang thang!

Hmm. I beg to differ. Nothing wrong with role playing and fantasizing. But bringing another person into your sacred institution sounds like opening up Pandora’s Box. In my humble opinion. You DO know that that stuff is not one time only kind of thing. One you get started it’s like lays. Can’t eat but one.

Its all in control and moderation. If you have no control over yourself don’t step on the field to play ball. Kinda like messing with the happy leaf... if you can’t understand to do it and still be motivated to do stuff don’t mess with it. Especially if your soul is weak.

It's not going to happen once. Wait a minute. ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO THIS?!?

Nah! That’s all you have to say?!?!?! As long as you took to respond I figured u has a lil speech for me. But we know the girl and she is very interested but she does not have any YING or YANG feel me?!?!?! J she gotta a lil onion but no YING YANG and that’s my visual stimulant when I am doing my thang? Smell me?!

It’s not going to happen once.

Maybe a couple of times with the girl but after that …. No mas :)

It sounds like you already have this planned out, so why do you want to hear what I have to say?

I still to run it by a level headed person. Do have nobody to talk to about this.

"John", I love you. I have known you for over a decade. I am not judgmental because it is not my job to be. There are many blemishes and flaws in my life that require addressing and it is my responsibility and job to look over them and examine them. With that said, though the thought of bringing another partner into a relationship sounds incredibly appealing, I do believe the risks outweigh the benefits.

The institution of marriage is sacred. It is holy. And the laws of it should be upheld. That’s not from my perspective, that is what I get from Elohim, the Lord. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I must obey the Lord. Every time I haven’t (and that is a daily occurrence), I have had to pay the consequences of my actions.

Let me speak to you from a practical aspect.

You don’t know what you can control and master once you have reached within the Pandora’s Box. That’s like someone smoking crack, and believing they can be the one that does not end up hooked. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, spoke with a family focus group right before he was executed; he indicated that he was addicted to magazines and movies, and that at first he controlled it; then it controlled him.

When will enough be enough? Will you want to do it again with another girl (you can’t honestly say no). What kind of invisible tear will this be to your marriage? Marriage is hard enough without involving someone else in the equation. Will either one of you trust each other the same? How can something like that strengthen a relationship? Will it open up a bevy of other suggestions (you don’t know because you haven’t tasted it, no pun intended).

From a moral aspect:

You are responsible for the navigation of that household. The male sets the standard, the pace, and the course of the relationship. It’s your job to remain responsive, responsible, and logical even in the face of temptation. Any man can go astray, even in an open situation. But it takes a steady man, to stay true to what is. But I can’t measure that because it sounds like something you have already made your mind up on.

All money ain’t good money. All ideas ain’t good ideas.

You know if you run this by me, I am not being critical or judgmental. But you also know that I don’t give you what is the most positive or popular answer. I give you me.


Now that’s the P I know and love thanks for your words!

What do you think? Have you thought about it? Have you done it? You can post anonymously if you wish. . .