"John" has tried to get with me for years. He ran off and got married about four years ago and cut off contact with me. I understand, though, his wife is pretty jealous, she is a prim and proper church going type of chick. (I go to church so I am NOT making fun of that, I just think she is that way in the strictest traditional form of it. Anyway, he found my old yahoo email (aquaboogi), and we resumed communication.
The following is a sequential order of communications that we had. Black is the brother, pink is P.
The itch is here! What do I do?
Hmm. What do you mean?
U know that itch… that u get here and there
I think that we all get it love. You just have to channel your energy and think in another direction
NAH! Man I gotta a story for you... but I don’t know if you can handle it!
You already know I can. I’m a ryda.
Man…. It’s crazy! My wife wants me to find a woman to join us in a lil something something!
RU Serious? I have a few questions? Is your wife bout it bout it? Do you think she is curious? What do you think about it? Do you plan on doing it? Did she approach you with it? After you tell me I will give you my opinion.
She is just curious on that level... She aint leaving me. I think it’s cool that she is comfortable with herself like that. I may plan on going thru with it. She approached me with the idea. We talk about our sexual fantasies... we real open like that. But NO other dudes will be in our lil thang thang!
Hmm. I beg to differ. Nothing wrong with role playing and fantasizing. But bringing another person into your sacred institution sounds like opening up Pandora’s Box. In my humble opinion. You DO know that that stuff is not one time only kind of thing. One you get started it’s like lays. Can’t eat but one.
Its all in control and moderation. If you have no control over yourself don’t step on the field to play ball. Kinda like messing with the happy leaf... if you can’t understand to do it and still be motivated to do stuff don’t mess with it. Especially if your soul is weak.
It's not going to happen once. Wait a minute. ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO THIS?!?
Nah! That’s all you have to say?!?!?! As long as you took to respond I figured u has a lil speech for me. But we know the girl and she is very interested but she does not have any YING or YANG feel me?!?!?! J she gotta a lil onion but no YING YANG and that’s my visual stimulant when I am doing my thang? Smell me?!
It’s not going to happen once.
Maybe a couple of times with the girl but after that …. No mas :)
It sounds like you already have this planned out, so why do you want to hear what I have to say?
I still to run it by a level headed person. Do have nobody to talk to about this.
"John", I love you. I have known you for over a decade. I am not judgmental because it is not my job to be. There are many blemishes and flaws in my life that require addressing and it is my responsibility and job to look over them and examine them. With that said, though the thought of bringing another partner into a relationship sounds incredibly appealing, I do believe the risks outweigh the benefits.
The institution of marriage is sacred. It is holy. And the laws of it should be upheld. That’s not from my perspective, that is what I get from Elohim, the Lord. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I must obey the Lord. Every time I haven’t (and that is a daily occurrence), I have had to pay the consequences of my actions.
Let me speak to you from a practical aspect.
You don’t know what you can control and master once you have reached within the Pandora’s Box. That’s like someone smoking crack, and believing they can be the one that does not end up hooked. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, spoke with a family focus group right before he was executed; he indicated that he was addicted to magazines and movies, and that at first he controlled it; then it controlled him.
When will enough be enough? Will you want to do it again with another girl (you can’t honestly say no). What kind of invisible tear will this be to your marriage? Marriage is hard enough without involving someone else in the equation. Will either one of you trust each other the same? How can something like that strengthen a relationship? Will it open up a bevy of other suggestions (you don’t know because you haven’t tasted it, no pun intended).
From a moral aspect:
You are responsible for the navigation of that household. The male sets the standard, the pace, and the course of the relationship. It’s your job to remain responsive, responsible, and logical even in the face of temptation. Any man can go astray, even in an open situation. But it takes a steady man, to stay true to what is. But I can’t measure that because it sounds like something you have already made your mind up on.
All money ain’t good money. All ideas ain’t good ideas.
You know if you run this by me, I am not being critical or judgmental. But you also know that I don’t give you what is the most positive or popular answer. I give you me.
Now that’s the P I know and love thanks for your words!
What do you think? Have you thought about it? Have you done it? You can post anonymously if you wish. . .