Monday, February 27, 2006

Thanks, for Holding it DOWN!

As we wrap up black history month, (so to speak) it's time to send the shout outs to those that have made it possible for us. Those that have held it down, both nationally, personally, and in blogland. You all know the basics in black history - the loves (King, X, Wheatley, Drew, Tubman), and the embarrassingly (Clarence Thomas, Simpson, Jackson (Jesse, Michael), Sniper, Whitney, etc. So, like to hear it, hear it goes.

By the way, this is only a sample. We are so brilliant in what we do, I had to stick some GP stuff in here. After all, it's all good in blogland. . .

Isaac Murphy - He won the Kentucky Derby three times. His winning percentage of 44 percent in all races that he has won, has yet to be matched. He also earned, during his time, ten thousand dollars a year, which was ten times the annual salary for white men. They only began to disappear because of resentment of white racers. Also, did you know that blacks won the first 15 of 28 Kentucky Derbies (Yeah, that's right, we rode horses). That was one of the first skills that we learned as slaves, how to manage and maintain stables. Isaac, thank you. Without you and your trailblazing, we would not have a Marlon St. Julien.

Friday: The Movie - This is some Negro MustSeeTV. Cube: Thanks for giving us a movie to watch, whether it's a date movie, kicking it movie, bored movie, or even being down. We know that this is a place that we can go for some real talk, for some hella laughter, and classic performances by all involved. For that, we thank you.

Madame CJ Walker. My She-Ro. My sista, my sista, thanks for hooking it up! A friend to all black women in need. We can't say enough about her. The woman who revolutionized hair care products. First black millionairess. But most importantly, how in the hell would we be looking without your vision!

Ebony Magazine - The beginnings of being in the know with black celebs. Our blog versions would be Crunk and Disorderly and Dallas Penn . By the way, Crunk and Disorderly is the winner of the 2005 Black Web Blog Award for Best Entertainment Blog. A true guilty pleasure! And DallasPenn, well y'all know those are a group of Crunk and disorderliness on their own right. Theirs is not so much of a guilty pleasure more than it is they are like family. At least hear at K-PAT, we luvs them. But, we would have never been able to serve up the dish without the Beloved John H. Johnson of Ebony Magazine. No Vibe, Vixen, Source, XXL, Dallas Penn, Essence, or anything in between would not have been possible without this trailblazer paving the way. See that picture of Pam Grier (AKA Friday Foster), well that was when the Ebony Magazines were REAL Big (dontacklikeyoudontknowwhatimtalkingbout)

Lorraine Hansberry - A modern day playwright. Wrote the screen play to A Raisin in the Sun. . .Another Negro MustSeeTV movie. . .She no doubt had obstacles in her way, being both black and a woman 40 plus years ago. But she made it happen. She no doubt had support along the way. But she was the initiator. Now, without her and those behind her (considering I KNOW there were many black women screenwriters who tried and failed, not because of their merit, but because of the sign of the times), we would never know and love SupaSista, brilliant author extraordinaire, screenwriter, humorist, future Oprah book of the Month author, and fellow blogger.

Lutha: Lutha, Lutha, Lutha. Somebody on here has slow danced to him, done tha durty durty to his, chilled to this, got blazed on this, stopped what you were doing to this, amongst others. I'm not talking about LUTHER. I'm talking about Lutha, and you know the difference. Nothing compares.

Malcolm X - Not so much for his deeds - but for who he was during the time we needed him - A tall glass of water in an oasis. A breath of fresh air. The man that would talk about the pink elephant in the room. The one that would let us know what the deal was, whether or not it was positive or popular. From that, we get much needed voices such as DPM's On the Verge of Dating White Girls. . . A respected, honest, fresh insight into what a brother has to deal with, realistically, on a daily basis. This, too was also a featured as a noteworthy blog on Six 24. Brother, we need you. Keep it coming, and keep it moving.

Romare Bearden - He developed an artistic reputation that probably surpasses any other modern African American artist. He loved being an abstract expressionist. And abstract art and creativity is difficult to task. He has an exceptional talent for mixing colors, particularly with abstract art. Everyone has gifts and talents, all are not the same, but when we are fortunate to experience bloggers such as Tamra, showcasing art that delivers three dimensional, color blended spectrums tailored to your specifications, then we have truly dived into the world or Artsy Fartsy Creations.

And as for all of you. You all have something to contribute. You have to me, and for me. So, in the immortal words of Al Green "Let's Stay Together"

Live, reporting to you from Los Angeles, this is P, from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Open Letter to the Married and/or Parents

As some of you may or may not know. I'm unmarried and childless. I'm not a homely handmaiden, nor a jezebel looking to seek and destroy marriages. I'm just a regular, somewhat goodlooking (or so I think) chick with some cute shoes.

Most of my friends are married. Most of my friends are married with children. But I still love then to pieces.

Have I been proposed to before - YES - 2 Times. Have I been pregnant before - YES, but I didn't know it.

- I am not a male basher, I love men, prolly too much,
- I do not hate children, I'm like Trick Daddy, I luv the kids.
- I am not in a rush to do either, you know what happens when you do that.
- I am not some progressive free salt of the earth thinker that doesn't believe in marriage or children. I believe in both, if in fact that is the directive your life takes.

I just have not gotten married yet. Or had children, yet.

I would like to go through some of the spiel of things that I hear from time to time. Perhaps you've said them, perhaps you've heard them a time or two. Enjoy it, it's all in good fun.

"Girl, don't have kids". Why not? You had them? I thought you just finished telling me in another breath not too long ago that having kids was very rewarding. Are you telling that to make me feel better? Because I don't feel bad, but now I'm looking at you like you're crazy.

"Girl, if you were a mother, you would know how tired I was". That doesn't mean that I am not human. Does that mean that that I can't express emphathy or sympathy for you? I too, have been tired. Yes, as tired as you.

"Girl, don't get married". Why Not, you did?

"Girl, these layoffs are coming up. I can't afford to lose my job, I have kids!" Frankly, I don't think anyone that holds a job can afford to lose their job, single or not. For myself, I am not bulging at the pockets with $$$, either, so I cannot afford to lose my job, either. Furthermore, if in fact I do lose my job I have no one to turn to. I cannot get relief assistance for women and children, nothing like that.

"Girl, why don't you have any children yet?" Well, I don't know. Maybe I can't walk and chew gum at the same time. OR just maybe because I have a preference to put the cart before the horse and be married first. That is not to say that I turn my nose down at those who have not, (see paragraph 2 - it almost happened to me)

"Do you have a desire to get married?" I don't know isn't this a 'pick your poison' kind of question. About as much as you want to be single, I suppose.

"Girl, if you plan on getting married, you'd better hurry up?" And do what? Get married and end up being a divorcee? Or a single mother stressed out all the time? Or be married and miserable because I picked the wrong time/and or person?

"You don't understand. You don't have any children". I also do not know any victims of Hurricane Katrina, 09/11, the Space Shuttle Challenger, and the Vietnam War.

"Girl, I don't know if it's safe to leave you with my baby" Okay.

"My husband gets on my nerves!" And you prolly get on his, too because you don't shut your piehole.

"You become unselfish when you become a parent." I didn't know I was selfish.

"Have you ever watched children before?" Sure. That's my voice on the movie, saying "Have you checked the children?" (HEHE) Seriously, human children, or pets? Yes, I know how to take care of children. I have 12 nieces and nephews, all of which I have taken care of for long periods of time. I have been an aunt since I was ten. Two of which call me MaAuntie, instead of My Auntie, because I took care of them so well. I know how to hold them, change them, feed them, watch them, deliver medicine to them, clothe them, mix formula, warm bottles, mash up food, feed them, burp them, lay them, nuture them, etc. But in terms of watching them. No. I don't do that, I'm not a perv. Take care of them, YES. I can do that.

"It's different when you have children, though." It's also different if you are hearing imparied, or have bad credit. That doesn't mean that those who can hear can't read close captioning, and those who have bad credit can't buy a car. Which means that I still understand.

"You're always so busy. What do you have to do?" Nothing really, except sit around and watch Celebrity Fit Club, Pimp My Ride, and My Super Sweet 16. I guess I could do other things, too, such as pay all the bills, work, fix everything around the house, figure OUT how to pay everything and still save a little. Cook, clean, shop, study for school, work, run errands, wash cars, deal with my family (I do have one, you know). You know, kind of the same stuff you do.

In closing, generally the intent of it all is all in good fun. Don't get all excited or anything, I'm not chiding you. I know your intent is not to offend, and for me who hears these things all the time I'm not offended, I'm amused. I expect to be married and maybe children w/n the next two years or so. But if I don't don't get your panties all riled up in a bunch, because then they'll get all messed, up and you know a woman can never have enough panties.

Live from LA, this is P reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Breaking News: Supa wants to see the most recent shoes that I've purchased. Here they are. . .

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The First Time. . .

Ladies and gentleman before we get started let's give a big warm round of applause to Janice, my co-worker. She is new on the blog scene and just recently set up shop. She is good peeps. Hey gurl!

I was listening to "Tonight is the Night", by Betty Wright. And I started thinking about mine. I wish it had went that smoothly, but yet in still, it was the typical "First Time" sit-chi-ashun (as JJ would say on "Good Times).

I was the tender age of ____ (numbers are irrelevant, dontchathink?) And I was hopelessly in love with Darren. Hey, you know Darren, don't you. Darren is the very guy that I was gawking at and did a straight pratfall in my life's most embarrassing moments post. So anyway, no Darren wasn't a phreak fawning over some ninth grade chick. He waited until later. (Sidebar: He actually was my first kiss as well, later on in high school). But anyway, he called over my friend Leslie's house, because she was talking (hehe remember that word 'talking) to his buddy Patrick. Darren was, at that point, a sophomore in college, and had not seen me in a few years. Darren knew my entire family. Reason being is that the city that I was raised in is like Mulberry/St. Olive, Cheers type of environment. Everybody knew everyone. So, him calling me was no big deal.

So Patrick and Leslie were going out that night, and he wanted to take me out as well. He called himself serenading me over the phone with a Ready for the World song (Let me Love you Down). Y'all, I was honey booming all over the place after he did that you could not tell me NOTHIN. So, they took us out to eat (like at Coco's or something), then we got back into his 5.0 Mustang and was listening to Candy by Cameo oh my goodness was I in seventh heaven or what! So, we finally drove up at the letom (HAHA, whatyouknowaboutdat). I don't know about you ladies, but I tell you what, pulling up into the letom back in the day (the few times I did hehe) was just highly embarrasing - I felt so exposed!

Now, meanwhile, Darren does not know I am a virgin. So, we are all hanging out in the room together playing quarters. What the hell quarters was I did not know. I was soon to find out, though. Quarters is a game where, you literally flip quarters into a cup, and if you miss, then you have to drink. Me being the non drinking, equilibrium challenged chick that I am, I kept missing the shot (no pun intended), so I was getting shots of Bacardi and Coke (in hindsight more Bacardi than Coke). So needless to say, I also found out that night what the word buzzed meant.

So, Patrick and Les left the room to do the dayum thang, and then me and Darren started fooling around. For me, it was more mechanical because I was definitely inexperienced in so many ways. Me being the naive chick I was at that time, I didn't really think anything was going to 'happen' happen. (nowadays these fass a$$ girls would have saw it coming, but I didn't). He was never pushy, he was very kind, and very relaxed about the whole situation. But oh, my goodness, when the rubber hit the road (pun intended), I felt like I was going to pass out.

Finally, it happened. He popped the cherry. (Don't ack like y'all didn't used to say that!) But I felt like he was the Space Shuttle Challenger and I was the cloud being penetrated. No matter how slow he went (and he did) and how gentle he was (and he was) that sheeat hurt like a mofo. Aahh! Just thinking about it is making me cringe. I don't know if at that point if he knew, or thought that I had a Supa P that was hella tight. So finally, the copulation occurred, and it wasn't bad, nor was it good, it just happened. And no, I was not moving, I didn't know what to do. (Memo to fass a$$ girls, you shouldn't know what to do, and I didn't).

So afterwards, I was cuddled in his arms (I guess that's what you could call it), and if it were left up to me, we would have gotten married that day. So that's when I confessed that it was my first time. I felt his muscles tense, then. I think he may have suspected that because I am telling you it was a major event trying to tap it - me telling him was no doubt was a confirming. Maybe he was tense because he had never 'broken in' (hehe) a virgin, or he thought I was going to be a bug-a-boo, I dunno. BUT I do know that he was still very polite, and kind to me. And when all was said and done, he followed Patrick back to Leslie's house and dropped me off there, kissed me and called me from time to time (he didn't live out here, he was on campus in Utah - which was MAAAD weird at that time, a brotha in Utah?). We hooked up a few times after he got back. We just kind of moved on from each other. Darren was always polite, and never dissed me. For that, I am grateful.

Grateful that he unleased the dragon. . . :)

Okay, readership. Your turn.
Good, Bad, Disastrous?
Somewhere in the middle?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Random Acts of Kindness

In this oft-corrupt world, I think about how selfish and self absorbed people can be. Violent, even. But many times you can believe that there are Angels that step in and intercede for us, helping and guiding us.

I have been helped on at least three occasions by Angels right here on earth. Random acts of kindness, (which, if you really think about it, are not so random), where, by grace, I was assisted and helped, and as a result, significantly altered the course of my day, and or immediate future. But before I do, I just want to let the blog community know that this was a LONG TIME AGO, I don't want y'all to think I have this much drama going on now. 1994-1995 was a very trying time for me. With that said, three angels that immediately come to mind (two in one day!), are:

Angel One

During my 'right after college', no money, getting laid off here and there life (10 years or so ago), I had headed to Lynwood, California, to pick up some information from a friend. Getting off the freeway, my car started sputtering. I had been having some car problems lately, but considering the fact that both myself and my mother had been laid off, and then had just had our jobs reinstated, money was VERY tight. So, I coasted as far as I could, turned off a side street, and landed in front of a house. This was pre-cell phone era, so I had to find a phone booth to walk to, to call someone to help out. Normally, I keep a AAA club card at the ready, but, due to $$$ issues, it had lapsed. I had NO IDEA how I was going to get this car back home. It was the summertime, and outside it was hotter than a hooker in church. Before I made the trek to the phone booth, I knocked on the door of the house that it had coasted under, to tell the tenant what had happened, and to let her know I will have the car picked up as soon as possible. She asked me to come in, gave me a glass of lemonade, and not only let me use her phone, but insisted I use her AAA card to get the car home. I tried to pay her (with what little I had), but she refused. While looking around her house, I noticed the pictures of her children. Her son (and my first child crush) was my fourth grade baseball coach! How cool was that! I got her address and sent her a thank you card in the mail. What are the odds of me coasting right in front of her house, on that street, and the car petering out right there. There were no odds, because now, I know, that my God and the Angels, guided that car, not me. Thank you, Mrs. Dorsey.

Angel Two

After I (finally) got the car home, I was talking on the phone with a girlfriend of mines, I had helped her out a time or two when she was going through a rough time. Nothing major, forty bucks here and there. She never asked, I just did it because I saw a need and because I loved her so. I was expressing to her how frustrating is was with all the drama going on with my car. At that time, we had been friends for about seven years and talked daily. She had had a rough life but things were turning around for her. She started asking some pointed questions, such as "What's wrong with the car?" (I don't know, L), "Weren't you planning on getting another one?" (Yes, but I don't have enough down). I'm not really one to put my personal drama out in the streets, and was kind of uncomfortable answering all her questions, but I knew she meant well and was concerned. After talking to me for awhile, she told me she would call me back later. She called back about 1/2 and hour later and told me that there was $1000.00 waiting for me at Western Union, and to do what I wanted with it. I think this is worth repeating: She told me that there was $1000.00 waiting for me at Western Union and to do what I had wanted with it. No questions asked. I was able to put down on another car, trade in that one, and had a few $$ to boot. Her only request was that I never bring it up again, and it was because she loved me. Okay, I'm getting emotional thinking about it now, so on to other news.

Angel Three

I (near around that time) like to pride myself on my hair, nails, feet, etc. But during that time, I had to let a lot go. Hair was pulled back, nails were ragged (which I took off, yes I wear acrylic French manicure, so NOW!). When I finally did go back, I had to decide: Nails, or feet? Considering I always wore sandals, I didn't want to look like I had been kicking rocks and dirt, so I decided on the feet. When I went, the owner hugged me and told me she had missed me coming in (it had been about six weeks). She asked was I getting the whole treatment, and I said "Nah, just the feet". She looked at me but didn't say anything. While the pedicurist was hooking me up, the owner was looking at me. I tried to turn from her so she wouldn't see my hands. Finally, after she got down with her client, she came over to me and lifted my hands. She went back to her table, got her equipment, and started working on my hands, gave me brand new set, French manicure, AND a charm. (Yes, I know charms are played, but this was backhandedly). I did come back and pay her some $$$ about a month later, when I got back on track, it was the least I could do.

I can only pray to the Lord that I am in a position like that one day in life, where I am poised to help someone, no questions asked. And for those of you in readership that have done this a time of two, trust when I say, you will not be forgotten.

Have you done random acts of kindness? Have you been the recipient of them? Would love to hear your stories.

Live, from LA, this is P reporting to you from KPAT-FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Monday, February 13, 2006

A Different Spin on Cupid. . .

This post, was in part, inspired by an email I received from a friend of mines yesterday while checking my emails. . . It reads:

Hi my friend,
How are you doing? I thought I would email you and wish you a Happy Valentines Day. You know Valentines Day is not just for lovers. Its also for friends. So how are you doing? As for myself. School and work are keeping me out of trouble. I do have to brush up on my writing as far as term papers go. I really do have to do better on my skills. As for Valentines goes. I do not have a Valentines this year. And I pray that one day GOD will bring my way that special someone. Well write me back when you can.

I got to thinking: This is a woman who has a desire to meet a mate and get married. I know she will find that special someone, but when, and where? She will be busy on Valentines Day because she has to work and go to school, but what will she be thinking about?

It also triggered so many thoughts in me, that include:

This year's Valentines Day marks the 10th (whew!) anniversary of my friend's dad's death. He was only 48 years old when he passed and when I tell you it seems like yesterday it literally only seems like yesterday that he was here with us. He was the neighborhood father that we all loved. He loved us when we were fatherless, when we were needy, and everything in between. He went into the hospital for routine shoulder surgery of February 3rd, and subsequently complications emerged (we later found out he was overmedicated during surgery - has since been taken care of through the courts.). When his daughter (my friend, his only child, whom he raised alone) went to pick him up, his speech was slurred and he was slightly drooling). He was put on life support on February 5th, and he never left the hospital. To this day, Valentines day is an extremely difficult day for her. She is married with one child now, but I don't think Valentines day brings on the same significance for her as it does to others, at least not in the context that V-Day represents. I hope, maybe one day, she will realize that this international day of love can be a way for her to realize the love that she had for him can be symbolized - and celebrated, on this day.

I think about when I fell in love at first sight on February 12, 1997, as I was picking up a card for my friend, telling her that I would remember her on the first anniversary of her father's death (same one from above). He was there, and we talked. We talked the next two nights for five hours straight, each night. . . He came over on a Saturday, and brought me one yellow rose. (Other roses followed, but considering we had known each other for only two days, one was appropriate). He also brought me a card, thanking me for coming along at the right time. It was an incredible experience, and I love him for that to this day. Sidebar: He has since turned out to be a bigger whore than anyone on the Moonlight Bunny Ranch ever could be, has more kids than the law allows, rolls a fat bomb ass Lincoln Navigator (with a questionable income to boot), and can't settle down. (MINOR details as to why we are not together to this day) but 'tinnyway, He was pimp with his, and was always nice to me, hell at that time I was feeling the SOS band - Just be Good To Me. Okay, that was another life so on to other news. . .

I think about my first love, "J", and what he must go through on Valentines Day. This is by far, one of the most physically gorgeous men I have ever known. He is a single father who has custody of his two daughters. Their mother, who was never really a large factor in their lives, was killed by her husband in 1997, I believe. He had custody of them prior to that, but that's not the point. One day, late in August of 2000, Jemal was playing baseball. He was on first base, and attempted to steal second base. Trying to slide head first into second base, the second base player blocked the base. Jemal crashed headfirst into his knee, and was knocked unconscious. When he woke up, Jemal was a quadriplegic. He has since regained some movement in his arms, but not very much in his hands. At that time, he was in a standing relationship with a woman for approximately one year, but I think she could not hang after awhile and left. I remember what it was like for him the first year. I remember him telling me he couldn't look at his old pictures; that he was going to 'beat this', that his mind said 'get up' but he just could not. I also remember him kissing me a few times in the rehabilitation center he was in for a year. I let him. How could I not? (Plus, he is phoine!). But anyway. . .Who is his Valentine, I wonder. . .

I think about the people that have loved, and lost. Perhaps they are in the midst of a breakup. Perhaps they are holding on, which is very hard to do when love is gone. . .(what y'all know about THAT song). Perhaps, this is the beginning of the end. Maybe there are those that have never known love, maybe they are mateless, childless, Godless, or any combination thereof. Perhaps they don't understand that Valentines Day is not just couples. It is an expression of emotion, devotion, and love, for whatever it is that you do love, including pets.

By the way, the literal day of Valentines Day, I personally do not like. I think restaurants OVERBOOK, I think flower shops OVERPROMISE and UNDERDELIVER, and I think that it's just a comeuppance day for many who feel pressure to deal with it. For the men, it's a never ending "Deer in the Headlights" saga, trying to figure out what will please the missus. For the woman, the subconscious measurement of what you got to another. And the office flower shop biz, that's a painful sight to witness!! WHO GOT THE BIGGEST BOUQUET - AND THE SMALLEST?

The significance of Valentines Day, however, DOES matter - it stands for love, and our commitment to it, the everlasting knowledge of experiences either eros, erotic love, phileo brotherly love, or agape, unconditional love. I full on believe that it should be acknowledged, and celebrated as such, and with that said, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, readership! Have a wonderful day!

How do you feel about Valentines Day? What have been some of your experiences? And what are your plans? Any bad mishaps you want to share? Any 'Best of' Valentines Day? Anything goes!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Life's Embarassing Moments

Okay, okay, we've all had them. We've seen people have them, and the same thing happens to all of us:

We get flushed
Can't concentrate,
Sight goes blurry just a little,
Can't really function on a normal level until you get your bearings about yourself.

I for one, have had numerous embarassing moments. So have my friends. I'm not going to bust them out on here, but I do have one that I will, cuz she don't read blogs, so. . .

She was 20 years old, and her family was having a gathering at her house. She decided, on her own, to go in her mother's bathroom, and take a bath. But not really take a bath, ifyouladiesknowwhatImean. The whole under the faucet running thing is a long standing way to partcipate in your own getting high on your own supply. Anyway, her mother's bathroom door does not lock, and well, y'all know where I'm going with this. . . Her cousin's wife came in and saw her stark naked in the tub, with her favorite part under the faucet going at it, to which her brother's wife promptly closed the door behind her. I asked what she did, and she said nothing, I waited a few minutes and finished up the job, she said why not I was already busted. She said her cousin's wife never said a thing about it. . .

As for me, I have had many embarassing moments. Like to hear it, hear it goes:

1. I was busted for cheating in my seventh grade English class. We were having a spelling test (Those words were HARD - she was French, so she would always have words like rendezvous, tete a tete, hors d'orderves - sheeat like that). I thought I was cute and had the words written in pen under my skirt. She came right over to me, in front of everybody, and told me to stand up and lift up my skirt. I was appalled. Initially everybody thought that she was being vulgar, but she just said, no, just a little bit. So of course, I did, and the words were written on my legs, and she said, "class, this is a lesson in what NOT to do if you want to pass this class".

2. I was in the tenth grade and I was walking down the steps in my Payless penny loafers coming out of my algebra one class. I saw my first love, my first major crush, the 12th grade quarterback, the man, Mr. Darren Hughes, passing by with his jersey on. I thought I was so cute with my shiny red lipstick I had on (I think it was a no. 7 that I got from the swap meet), and my little blue mascara and the blush that looked absolutely ridiculous. Meanwhile, I was so busy gazing at him, I broke Payless slippery - slope shoes #1 rule. . .Pay attention while walking at all times, because you might find yourself face down, which is exactly what happened as I barrelled down the stairs, trying to show off my blue black cellophane and feathered hair. I slipped and tumbled down three steps, and my pee-chee, and other folders and book items splayed all across the concrete. Nobody laughed more than they stared, including him. It was a spectacular pratfall, if I can say so myself. . .

3. I went to my prom with some friends, (I did not have a date, that's a long story), but I didn't want one. And for those of you who say, "Yeah, beeach, you prolly didn't have anybuddy to ax you", nope, not the case, can't you tell I'm a foxy mama by my legs? HAHA! But tinnyway, she and the other gals and dudes ended up leaving me at the prom (Lying beeach - later on she swears she couldn't find me, how are you going to miss a then 5'11" foot girl in all black with some satin pumps on to boot!), and by the time I realized she was gone, all my other homegirls were gone too, I had to call my mama to come pick me up from the LA Marriott Hotel at midnight (this is pre-cell phone era, y'all), so I'm coming back and forth out the lobby, cold with this one shouldered gown, looking for this narc-inspired chevy cavalier looking vehicle to drive up, complete with a black chick with pink sponge rollers in her hair, covered by a scarf.

4. I was at work one day, talking to this dude on a break. I was facing him and we were both sitting down. I worked at K-Mart Portrait Studio and I was just chewing the fat, and he said, "Looks like you had an accident down there" and lo and behold, Aunt Flo was permeating through my white bubble gum pants. Had to go home and change.

5. I sent a nasty jokey-joke to a bunch of friends while I was working (not here), and accidentally sent it to one of the principals of the company, who forwarded it to my supervisor. I was so busted. And it was nasty. And these folks were devout Christians. That has nothing to do with it, I wasn't supposed to be sending that kind of stuff in any work environment anyway, but that just made it worse to me, a fellow Christian. But hell, email had just became what was hot on the streets and we were all excited and stuff.

6. I didn't like the way my house looked when I was a teenager, (we were in tha hood and were having a rough time of it, and I told my friend's cousin to drop me off at another house, and when they dropped me off I walked around the corner to my house, and they had went back to ask me something and the lady told them that I didn't live there but I lived around the corner, and they came banging on the door looking for an explanation. They were not mad; but they were upset that I thought they would judge me.

**EDIT** ** EDIT** EDIT**

7: Reading Tam's comments triggered two more embarassing moments. I was working at my company for about six months. (I have since been here for five years). My cubicle was in a main walkway. I was looking for something in my purse and was fishing through it and was taking out stuff. I thought I had put everything back. I had a "U" shaped cubicle, and everybody who passed by, could see at least the back of the desk, if not 2/3rds of it. Anyway, I saw folks passing by me and then lookiing at me, but whatever, I thought it was because I was hot. Anyway, later when I turned to retrieve something from the back of the desk, I find, standing at full attention, was this:

Yes, ladies and gentleman, my bottle of FDS deodorant spray. I couldn't do anything but put it back in my purse. Later on, my coworker (who had been working at the company for less time than I had), said she, too, had saw, it but she thought I was one of those bra-burning, I am woman, hear my roar, you betta not say something kind of chicks, so she was like "Okay, least I know where to go when I get that 'not so fresh' feelin.

8. Years ago, my mom and I were on the way to church. (We ride together). I have this botanical oil called Design Essentials Silk Essentials - It's this wonderful silk product that I put on my hair. Well, my mother uses it too. She saw what she thought was the bottle and was like "Ooh, I could use some of this, and she promptly upturned the bottle, put a few drops in her hand, and was about to put it on her hair, I screeched "NOOOO!" and she was like "Whaaa?" And I told her, er, that's baby oil" She was like, "Ooh, chile, I'm glad you caught it." To which I said, silently, Yes, mom, I'm glad I prevented you from putting K-Y Jelly drops in your hair. The label had come off and it just looked like a plain, clear bottle.

Who left dat in my car?

Okay, I have many many more, but I'll leave the rest to you.

What are some, or one of your embarassing moments? Will (or CAN you) share with us?

Monday, February 06, 2006

A Letter from the Family Stone. . .Er, Addict

Guess who wrote my mother a letter?! (Drumroll, please!) The Family Stone. As previously mentioned in another post, this woman has ruined her life, and traumatized her children. Here is a copy of the letter for you to read.

She is currently in the Las Vegas Clark County Detention Center for some unknown offense. Our guess is solicitation.

You may wonder - why are you posting? For anyone who deals with someone like this, no explanation is needed.

Blue is her text - Red is my comments: (Don't worry about laughing at my comments or the letter, I did, too).

Hello Mom, thanks so much for the letter, I appreciate it so very much. You just don't understand how it feels to receive mail in jail. I was ashamed to tell you because I didn't think you would accept me. (Why not, you always tell her when you are in jail, what's different now? Plus, is being in jail different from abandoning your children 3+ years ago??)

Those pictures are beautiful and it really helped me tremendously, because it is very boring in here. (My mother sent her some pictures, letting her know that everybody was there at Christmas except for her-I didn't really agree with that, my mother thinks that guilt trips are going to bring her back, in June it will be four years she hasn't seen her children, what does she think a picture will do. As for my sister, what the heasy is she talking about very boring in here, she acts like she is away at Summer Camp!) Thanks so much!

As for my children, I wrote them and I know they haven't seen me and I know they hurt but never doubt that I love them and think about them every day. I'm not actually in the situation to have them in my life; (I don't know quite what she means by have them, their father won't give up custody over his dead body after everything she's done) it's going to take some time but I'm going to work it out. (????)

Mom, please stand by me, because I've never really had a close bond with you, (Brakes screeching - SCCCHHH! Bold Face LIE!) that's what I know how Monique (her 15 year old daughter, who is affected the most - She has a 21 year old son that lives with my dad who she doesn't even speak of. She had custody of him until he was five. I had him from 5-7, his father had him from 7-13 and my dad took him after that) feels, and the rest of them. (Everyone has issues with their parents, but overall, I think that she has gotten more of her fair share of prodigal daughter treatment, and if you think that you quote/unquote "didn't have a close relationship with your mother", then why are you repeating the pattern? My kids are very important to me, I think about them everyday of my life, but you don't understand I went through some emotional stuff with Jimmie. (That's the children's father - they did have a very tumultuous relationship, but that's not the kids problem, fault, or concern).

Anyway, Mom, I don't know where to start. I don't even know if Jimmie would let me see them or be with them. (BOLD FACE LIE. The times she did come to see them, or called, he has let her talk/see them each, and every time) I'm very confused, really, I am! You were right, this is Sin City! (My mother's conservative and everything shocks her, and that's what she calls Las Vegas. But then again, she calls all drugs "Dope" "That Stuff", "Hair-On", she calls STD's "VD", and she calls Diabetes "Suga", so, you get the point)

I love you mom, and I miss you very much.

(NOW, we getting down to tha nitty-gritty. Ah, there's the rub. . .) Please mom, put some money on my books, I really need hygiene more than anything. (They don't supply personal hygiene products in the pokey?? - By the way, she told my auntie that she needed $$$ for food because she was starving to death, what my sister really wants is cigarettes and treats) "Money Order Only" Made Payable to Inmate Trust Fun. Put my name and ID on the money order, and please, please send my birth certificate (WTF?? Okay, first things first, this BC is a never ending saga for her. One, why does she need her birth certificate RIGHT NOW?!? Two, my mother has sent it to her a minimum of three times, I myself, even dropped it off to her while I was in Vegas at the little establishment or whatever she was staying at. I walked up there with my male friend, who had a shank, and I had a baseball bat, but she didn't answer the door I think she saw me, but I left it with the manager).

Love your daughter,
The Family Stone

PS: I haven't told the children I'm in Jail, okay? Don't tell them. (Who does she think my mother is, the town crier?)

The problem I am having with that my sister lacks accountability. She doesn't apologize for her behaviors, doesn't ask how my parents or anyone else is doing, doesn't have a game plan, it's just ridiculous.

I haven't decided if I am going to write her or not. Because of this, I do not speak with her at all.

Should I or Shouldn't I? And if, so, any suggestions? I am not trying to give her a guilt trip, but pretty much, I don't want to hear anything she has to say unless she has made a demonstrated effort to change. This is fifteen years in the making, y'all.

By the way, this has nothing to do with my Christian values. The Bible talks about cutting folks off if they don't' "ack" right.

Live from LA, this is P-Town, reporting to you from KPAT - FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

"Friends" How Many Of Us Have Them?

Ugh. Go Away. . .

All of us have had them. That who you used to call friend, who is now more of an energy taker than a giver.

I'm so not feeling this chick no more.

Let me say from the onset, that I do understand the purpose and meaning of a friend. It's generally a win - win relationship. But often times, friends have to do what friends do, which is step in during the bad times for support and encouragement, or applaud and commend, and praise during the good times.

I have a 'friend' (herein referred to as 'L'). Well, I have been knowing L, since I was in the fifth grade. We lost touch for quite awhile and have been back in a regular routine for several years. She is divorced with three kids and is a schoolteacher.

I just cannot connect with this woman.

It's not because of her marital/children status. I must admit, she has overcome alot because of her childhood and anything (and I do mean anything) that you can think of that she has went through, she has been through it. . .

But because of that, she has created layers of issues, that, she even readily admits, pushes people away. I have dealt with it for years and years, but I am at my wit's end. Here are some examples.

L's thoughts and opinions of herself:

1. She constantly tells me how people marvel at her ravishing beauty.

2. She constantly tells me how she believes that the lighter complexioned sex hasn't had to deal with as many problems as others because of their complexion. (WTF?)

3. The next man she wants to me, she wants him to have no children (HUH?!?). Her current beau has three children, like she does, and she's always complaining about the time he has with them.

4. She constantly tells me that people think she is a brick house.

5. Her ex is a loser. She is alwasy griping about him.

P's thoughts and opinions of the aforementioned:

1. She looks okay by most standards. Ravishing. No. But I do know that she was the darkest person in her family, and her creole born and bred Southern grandmother used to mock that. But her grandmother was a psycho. I don't expect for her to have know that as a child, I just wanted y'all to know that. Her grandmother is someone that she used to live with because of her drug addicted parents.

2. She has color issues. Period. I think she has self esteem issues when it comes to the lighter side of our peeps. Bottom line. She always has. It's to the point of indignation. I have to tell her on a regular basis that there are innumerable issues that all have went through, and that it doesn't all trace back to color. See, I never had to deal with it either way. I'm brown complexioned, as you can see by my sexy legs perched atop my desk.

3. I'm not saying that she shouldn't keep the dream alive (sidebar: Big ups to Coretta) about wanting a man with no kids, but she is being unrealistic. I am not saying that it can't happen, but the poker chips are not stacked in her favor. Frankly, and I'm just trying to keep it real, if I were a brother, I sure wouldn't want a ready made family. As for her man now, she is just an attention whore who wants him all to herself. Stop being lame.

4. To keep it simple, I'm just saying, for the sake of fairness, that she is VERY er, slender. Yeah, slender. Brick house, yah, no. I'M THE BRICK HOUSE (hehe Inside joke at Tam & Mwabi)

5. Listen, I might alienate some folks here, but her ex husband ain't no joke, but she provokes him, I have seen it with my own eyes. I have know him longer than I have known HER! Plus, she saw the warning signs before she married him, that's nobody's issue to face but your own. And the warning signs were HUGE!

Furthermore, she is one of those friends, that uses the topic of conversation, to shift to something that's all about her. I'm almost afraid to answer the phone sometimes, because I know she is trying to get the pleasantries out of the way to get to her issues.

And about her issues. She makes trouble for herself. Things up to and including:

1. Showing up late two hours to her hairdresser, and getting mad because the hairdresser tripped and said that she couldn't take her until later.

2. Asking me would I participate in Career Day, and when I told her I would check my schedule (read: ASK MY SUPERVISOR), she calls back and says everyone is looking forward to me showing up for career day.

3. Calling me asking me can she pick me up and drive her other car home from the shop. Then when I get to her house, she tells me she and the kids are going to go to the mall down the street and get some cookies. Hello, can you get those after you take me home, so I'm not sweltering in your car?

4. I tell her that I'm cooking rice with broth and she says "White or Brown" and I tell her white and she says 'Girl, that has no nutritional value, you know we are not getting any younger!" All the while she's scarfing down Doritos on the other end. Not kidding.

5. Getting frustrated at her administrator because he marked her down for leaving early during minimum day. (Listen, teacher's have bankers hours as it is, okay, believe me when I tell you he prolly gave her an inch - and she took a mile).

She is very hyper sensitive, takes everything seriously, and you end up qualifying your statements to her before she calms down and realizes her error in judgment.

If you wonder "Why are you still friends with her?" Well, she does have her good sides. She loves music, as I do, she is funny when she can be, and she has an uncanny insight, and I love her oldest daughter to pieces. But that is overshadowed by all the issues she has.

We all have issues. Regardless of our upbringing. But she alienates people in her life, and she doesn't see how and why. In short, she is pure-dee getting on my last nerves.

I don't know if I should approach her with it, or just leave her by the wayside. I have actually discussed with her what I think is a developmental opportunity with her, and she concurs, she just doesn't act on it. I know that I am not perfect and have many flaws. But I accept and admit them. It's difficult to do that. But I can't move on until I do.

**EDIT** **EDIT** This is also a girl, who, after telling me that her boyfriend is less than endowed, he was sitting on the bed, and he wanted some, er, oral fun, and she said "Oh, this is fine, I should have no trouble with this". I repeat: "Oh, this is fine, I should have no trouble with this." I'm like McHello, that is rule #1 in relationship 101 why would she shoot him down like that? She said it was all in fun, I said (and pardon my french), that YOU don't mock or make fun of a man's DICK". Ever! Her boyfriend told her that she overanalyzes everything and that sometimes he doesn't want her to "Rubic's Cube" his question, he just wants a yes or no. She has friends that move out of state and do not call her anymore. I mean, I'm not the only one.

What I wanna know, is, do you have an L (no, not the "L" word, you phreaks) in your life that drives, or drove you nuts? What do you do about it?