Monday, February 13, 2006

A Different Spin on Cupid. . .



This post, was in part, inspired by an email I received from a friend of mines yesterday while checking my emails. . . It reads:

Hi my friend,
How are you doing? I thought I would email you and wish you a Happy Valentines Day. You know Valentines Day is not just for lovers. Its also for friends. So how are you doing? As for myself. School and work are keeping me out of trouble. I do have to brush up on my writing as far as term papers go. I really do have to do better on my skills. As for Valentines goes. I do not have a Valentines this year. And I pray that one day GOD will bring my way that special someone. Well write me back when you can.

I got to thinking: This is a woman who has a desire to meet a mate and get married. I know she will find that special someone, but when, and where? She will be busy on Valentines Day because she has to work and go to school, but what will she be thinking about?

It also triggered so many thoughts in me, that include:

This year's Valentines Day marks the 10th (whew!) anniversary of my friend's dad's death. He was only 48 years old when he passed and when I tell you it seems like yesterday it literally only seems like yesterday that he was here with us. He was the neighborhood father that we all loved. He loved us when we were fatherless, when we were needy, and everything in between. He went into the hospital for routine shoulder surgery of February 3rd, and subsequently complications emerged (we later found out he was overmedicated during surgery - has since been taken care of through the courts.). When his daughter (my friend, his only child, whom he raised alone) went to pick him up, his speech was slurred and he was slightly drooling). He was put on life support on February 5th, and he never left the hospital. To this day, Valentines day is an extremely difficult day for her. She is married with one child now, but I don't think Valentines day brings on the same significance for her as it does to others, at least not in the context that V-Day represents. I hope, maybe one day, she will realize that this international day of love can be a way for her to realize the love that she had for him can be symbolized - and celebrated, on this day.


I think about when I fell in love at first sight on February 12, 1997, as I was picking up a card for my friend, telling her that I would remember her on the first anniversary of her father's death (same one from above). He was there, and we talked. We talked the next two nights for five hours straight, each night. . . He came over on a Saturday, and brought me one yellow rose. (Other roses followed, but considering we had known each other for only two days, one was appropriate). He also brought me a card, thanking me for coming along at the right time. It was an incredible experience, and I love him for that to this day. Sidebar: He has since turned out to be a bigger whore than anyone on the Moonlight Bunny Ranch ever could be, has more kids than the law allows, rolls a fat bomb ass Lincoln Navigator (with a questionable income to boot), and can't settle down. (MINOR details as to why we are not together to this day) but 'tinnyway, He was pimp with his, and was always nice to me, hell at that time I was feeling the SOS band - Just be Good To Me. Okay, that was another life so on to other news. . .

I think about my first love, "J", and what he must go through on Valentines Day. This is by far, one of the most physically gorgeous men I have ever known. He is a single father who has custody of his two daughters. Their mother, who was never really a large factor in their lives, was killed by her husband in 1997, I believe. He had custody of them prior to that, but that's not the point. One day, late in August of 2000, Jemal was playing baseball. He was on first base, and attempted to steal second base. Trying to slide head first into second base, the second base player blocked the base. Jemal crashed headfirst into his knee, and was knocked unconscious. When he woke up, Jemal was a quadriplegic. He has since regained some movement in his arms, but not very much in his hands. At that time, he was in a standing relationship with a woman for approximately one year, but I think she could not hang after awhile and left. I remember what it was like for him the first year. I remember him telling me he couldn't look at his old pictures; that he was going to 'beat this', that his mind said 'get up' but he just could not. I also remember him kissing me a few times in the rehabilitation center he was in for a year. I let him. How could I not? (Plus, he is phoine!). But anyway. . .Who is his Valentine, I wonder. . .

I think about the people that have loved, and lost. Perhaps they are in the midst of a breakup. Perhaps they are holding on, which is very hard to do when love is gone. . .(what y'all know about THAT song). Perhaps, this is the beginning of the end. Maybe there are those that have never known love, maybe they are mateless, childless, Godless, or any combination thereof. Perhaps they don't understand that Valentines Day is not just couples. It is an expression of emotion, devotion, and love, for whatever it is that you do love, including pets.

By the way, the literal day of Valentines Day, I personally do not like. I think restaurants OVERBOOK, I think flower shops OVERPROMISE and UNDERDELIVER, and I think that it's just a comeuppance day for many who feel pressure to deal with it. For the men, it's a never ending "Deer in the Headlights" saga, trying to figure out what will please the missus. For the woman, the subconscious measurement of what you got to another. And the office flower shop biz, that's a painful sight to witness!! WHO GOT THE BIGGEST BOUQUET - AND THE SMALLEST?

The significance of Valentines Day, however, DOES matter - it stands for love, and our commitment to it, the everlasting knowledge of experiences either eros, erotic love, phileo brotherly love, or agape, unconditional love. I full on believe that it should be acknowledged, and celebrated as such, and with that said, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, readership! Have a wonderful day!

How do you feel about Valentines Day? What have been some of your experiences? And what are your plans? Any bad mishaps you want to share? Any 'Best of' Valentines Day? Anything goes!

21 comments:

Supa said...

Heeeey, I'm first! :) Those are some deep stories, P. Thx for sharing.

Don't know why, but Valentine's day seems to be so hyped this year! Is it just me? I'd rather give/receive love and good feelings throughout the entire year, bump the "one day" madness. Just like every other holiday, V-day is just so much commercialism and hype...

P said...

Supa:

Isn't it fun being first. . .YOU KNOW yours, at least, is going to be read :P

It is hyped. Like I mentioned, I do believe celebrations of love should be cherished and acknowledged on a day because there's nothing better than love!

I just think that it should be done in the proper context. Love should not be commercialized and the pressure is enormous:

1. For guys, trying to figure out if they are doing enough, or the right thing. . .

2. For gals, trying to measure what they got against so and so.

I'm not saying any of YOU do this, but this is REAL TALK.

Msnhim said...

I will be blowing off V-day this year... it just doesn't hold the same meaning for me as it did before. I've never really had a valentines day that stood out.... they were all pretty much the same. Flowers, jewelry and a card..... same shit every year.

D- said...

Jubb and I are definitely going to do something. I'm just not sure what it will be. I feel lik ethis may be the first year that I feel to be busy to be focused on V-day. I'm with ss...I'd rather receive special love every day of the year instead of just receiving love on one day of the year.

That Girl Tam said...

Well Mack has to work tomorrow night, so I'll be home with the kids...loving them as usual! Mack and I are going on on Wednesday AFTER the rush of crazy people.

I remember one year...the Valentine's Day BEFORE we got married...he took me to work that morning nad picked me up nearly an hour AFTER I got off of work. I was the only one left. A girlfriend and her husband waited with me til he showed up...yall know I was pissed!! I had this big ol meal planned. So I get in the car and I'm FUSSIN...even more mad that he WASTED $50 on a basket that prolly took $15 to make (I wasn't being an ingrate, but the money coulda been spent more practically). We get home, I've got the food cooking, the wine chilling - and this fool won't get up for dinner - talkin 'bout "I havea headache...can I eat it later?" I popped open that wine and drank the entire bottle BY MYSELF - I was pissed off, drunk and had lost BOTH of my contacts (so much for trying to take them off without a mirror and in the dark). Needless to say my husband is V-Day challenged...

But he's getting better...

P said...

By the way.

I will prolly be at home too. My sweetie has bronchitis, a cold, allergies, and a partridge in a pear tree. But I don't mind being home on V-Day. I don't like crowds, AT ALL, and that particular day is way too stressful, plus I could be at home watching Good Times.

Cool AC said...

I was in an accident on Valentines Day in 2001. And when I called the guy I loved so much to tll him about my accident he told me he had another valentine. Yeah, v-day is not one of my favorite days. I just want it to be over.

P said...

Cool and Tam:

That is super wack what happened to y'all on Valentines Day. . .

J. G. said...

Well I think that V-day is so over rated, I think of it as just another day. I don't need a speacial day to tell my husband that I love him and I don't need a special day to wear something that he's gonna take off in less than a min. Yes we all like the flowers and so on but I agree with girl tam the money that was spent could of been used for something better!

For some reason my dear husband is making this day a big deal and I'm like yeah ok whatever...I sometimes think that I'm a guy stuck in a girls body but its all good. See this is our second V-day married and last year he bought me roses he made a trail from the front door all the way to our room as I picked up the roses I was scared to actually open the door but when I did he had our room all lit up with white candles then he came out of the closet (not like R-Kelly) with another dozen roses and said I love you!

So that is what my last V-day was like.

P said...

Janice:

Don't get it twisted. . .

Even though I do think the day is overrated. . .

THAT IS SOME BOMB SHEEAT YOUR HUSBAND DID FOR YOU!!

That Girl Tam said...

Ok, I'm hatin on Janice AND her husband...

YES LADIES...I AM A HATER!!! But at least I'm cute!

P said...

@ Tam:

Ugh. . .NOT! Mack purring in your ear tawlking about how fine you are while he's bringing it to the table does not kwalify you to be cute!

I GET IT!!

When you are telling Devon and Ryan "You're so CUTE!" You're not talking to them, you're talking to YOURSELF! Pulling those positive reinforcement Tony Robbins type mental pump-ups!

Carmell said...

girl i haven't even finished reading yet..all i wanna know is where did you find that picture!??

P said...

KB:

I called myself trying to put some urban type of Cupid on the site, so I searched for Black Cupid.

That was one of the ones that came up. . .

Dee said...

Thanks for sharing gurl!!!

I usually take my boys out to dinner and buy them gifts!!!! The last 4 or five years this has been my routine cause they are the loves of my life!!!!

When I had a husband LOL it was nice i guess.........last year me and the liar were fighting the year before he was out to sea so it was me and my boys!!!!

I usually buy my gurls that don't have mates gifts and cards but not this year.........my baby graduates in June so a sista is on a serious budget!!!

It is sooooo freakin commercial now anyways.........

Me said...

Valentine day for me is ok.. I dont have to celebrate it - but if I do its cool too - celebrating this year - i think its become too commercial though

Thanks for sharing the stories. I hope your friend does get to the point where she the celebration of her fathers life is more prominent than the mourning of his death. I lost both parents when I was 15..so I know its hard

Me said...

oh forgot - I'm taking my man to the spa and then out to dinner - he does so much for me everyday that i figure i can turn the tables on V day

The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

i never really considered v-day until i got married...i was single and not looking for a girlfriend....didn't want a girl (i was in the "A")..ratio 20 to 1...all my life i had 2 girlfriends...my first girl...(bad experience, trying to be too nice) and now my wife...i try to make it special...i think i'm going to steal that idea from homeboy with the roses.....good post

ddsprncs said...

I always make sure everyone has their stuff, but I always get jipped, maybe I am a brat! I just wish I could fimd some one who loved holidays as much as I do!

NegroPino™ said...

My "first" real official Valentine's Day was last year with my beloved. I never look forward to it, just another day for me , but he was so adamant about making it a special day for me. What's more he didn't want the night to end. And this year, Cupid was very good to me.

Happy Valentine's day P....:)

jen said...

V-Day, ugh. Even when I had a boyfriend I thought it was a ridiculous idea! I let the people that I care about know it every day of the year, not just not one day!
My biggest V-Day memory... I have some stomach problems and at the height of the doctors appts, I had to go home from college and go to the dr. in a town about 3.5 hours from where I went to school. So, I just went home. Well, the day before VD rolls around and I call my boyfriend and ask him to come home (he was from the same town) cause I wanted to spend the day with him and I couldn't go back down there cause I had a dr.'s appt early in the morning on the 15th. Well, he hemmed and hawed over it and ended up not coming home.
When I tried to call him on VD itself he was mysteriously missing from about 7-2am. Come to find out he took some other girl out for Valentine's. We had been together about 7 years at the time.
So, I was pissed, and to make me feel 'better' he told me that she wasn't very much fun anyway.
He was such a fuck.