Ugh. Go Away. . .
All of us have had them. That who you used to call friend, who is now more of an energy taker than a giver.
I'm so not feeling this chick no more.
Let me say from the onset, that I do understand the purpose and meaning of a friend. It's generally a win - win relationship. But often times, friends have to do what friends do, which is step in during the bad times for support and encouragement, or applaud and commend, and praise during the good times.
I have a 'friend' (herein referred to as 'L'). Well, I have been knowing L, since I was in the fifth grade. We lost touch for quite awhile and have been back in a regular routine for several years. She is divorced with three kids and is a schoolteacher.
I just cannot connect with this woman.
It's not because of her marital/children status. I must admit, she has overcome alot because of her childhood and anything (and I do mean anything) that you can think of that she has went through, she has been through it. . .
But because of that, she has created layers of issues, that, she even readily admits, pushes people away. I have dealt with it for years and years, but I am at my wit's end. Here are some examples.
L's thoughts and opinions of herself:
1. She constantly tells me how people marvel at her ravishing beauty.
2. She constantly tells me how she believes that the lighter complexioned sex hasn't had to deal with as many problems as others because of their complexion. (WTF?)
3. The next man she wants to me, she wants him to have no children (HUH?!?). Her current beau has three children, like she does, and she's always complaining about the time he has with them.
4. She constantly tells me that people think she is a brick house.
5. Her ex is a loser. She is alwasy griping about him.
P's thoughts and opinions of the aforementioned:
1. She looks okay by most standards. Ravishing. No. But I do know that she was the darkest person in her family, and her creole born and bred Southern grandmother used to mock that. But her grandmother was a psycho. I don't expect for her to have know that as a child, I just wanted y'all to know that. Her grandmother is someone that she used to live with because of her drug addicted parents.
2. She has color issues. Period. I think she has self esteem issues when it comes to the lighter side of our peeps. Bottom line. She always has. It's to the point of indignation. I have to tell her on a regular basis that there are innumerable issues that all have went through, and that it doesn't all trace back to color. See, I never had to deal with it either way. I'm brown complexioned, as you can see by my sexy legs perched atop my desk.
3. I'm not saying that she shouldn't keep the dream alive (sidebar: Big ups to Coretta) about wanting a man with no kids, but she is being unrealistic. I am not saying that it can't happen, but the poker chips are not stacked in her favor. Frankly, and I'm just trying to keep it real, if I were a brother, I sure wouldn't want a ready made family. As for her man now, she is just an attention whore who wants him all to herself. Stop being lame.
4. To keep it simple, I'm just saying, for the sake of fairness, that she is VERY er, slender. Yeah, slender. Brick house, yah, no. I'M THE BRICK HOUSE (hehe Inside joke at Tam & Mwabi)
5. Listen, I might alienate some folks here, but her ex husband ain't no joke, but she provokes him, I have seen it with my own eyes. I have know him longer than I have known HER! Plus, she saw the warning signs before she married him, that's nobody's issue to face but your own. And the warning signs were HUGE!
Furthermore, she is one of those friends, that uses the topic of conversation, to shift to something that's all about her. I'm almost afraid to answer the phone sometimes, because I know she is trying to get the pleasantries out of the way to get to her issues.
And about her issues. She makes trouble for herself. Things up to and including:
1. Showing up late two hours to her hairdresser, and getting mad because the hairdresser tripped and said that she couldn't take her until later.
2. Asking me would I participate in Career Day, and when I told her I would check my schedule (read: ASK MY SUPERVISOR), she calls back and says everyone is looking forward to me showing up for career day.
3. Calling me asking me can she pick me up and drive her other car home from the shop. Then when I get to her house, she tells me she and the kids are going to go to the mall down the street and get some cookies. Hello, can you get those after you take me home, so I'm not sweltering in your car?
4. I tell her that I'm cooking rice with broth and she says "White or Brown" and I tell her white and she says 'Girl, that has no nutritional value, you know we are not getting any younger!" All the while she's scarfing down Doritos on the other end. Not kidding.
5. Getting frustrated at her administrator because he marked her down for leaving early during minimum day. (Listen, teacher's have bankers hours as it is, okay, believe me when I tell you he prolly gave her an inch - and she took a mile).
She is very hyper sensitive, takes everything seriously, and you end up qualifying your statements to her before she calms down and realizes her error in judgment.
If you wonder "Why are you still friends with her?" Well, she does have her good sides. She loves music, as I do, she is funny when she can be, and she has an uncanny insight, and I love her oldest daughter to pieces. But that is overshadowed by all the issues she has.
We all have issues. Regardless of our upbringing. But she alienates people in her life, and she doesn't see how and why. In short, she is pure-dee getting on my last nerves.
I don't know if I should approach her with it, or just leave her by the wayside. I have actually discussed with her what I think is a developmental opportunity with her, and she concurs, she just doesn't act on it. I know that I am not perfect and have many flaws. But I accept and admit them. It's difficult to do that. But I can't move on until I do.
**EDIT** **EDIT** This is also a girl, who, after telling me that her boyfriend is less than endowed, he was sitting on the bed, and he wanted some, er, oral fun, and she said "Oh, this is fine, I should have no trouble with this". I repeat: "Oh, this is fine, I should have no trouble with this." I'm like McHello, that is rule #1 in relationship 101 why would she shoot him down like that? She said it was all in fun, I said (and pardon my french), that YOU don't mock or make fun of a man's DICK". Ever! Her boyfriend told her that she overanalyzes everything and that sometimes he doesn't want her to "Rubic's Cube" his question, he just wants a yes or no. She has friends that move out of state and do not call her anymore. I mean, I'm not the only one.
What I wanna know, is, do you have an L (no, not the "L" word, you phreaks) in your life that drives, or drove you nuts? What do you do about it?