Thursday, February 23, 2006

Open Letter to the Married and/or Parents

As some of you may or may not know. I'm unmarried and childless. I'm not a homely handmaiden, nor a jezebel looking to seek and destroy marriages. I'm just a regular, somewhat goodlooking (or so I think) chick with some cute shoes.

Most of my friends are married. Most of my friends are married with children. But I still love then to pieces.

Have I been proposed to before - YES - 2 Times. Have I been pregnant before - YES, but I didn't know it.

- I am not a male basher, I love men, prolly too much,
- I do not hate children, I'm like Trick Daddy, I luv the kids.
- I am not in a rush to do either, you know what happens when you do that.
- I am not some progressive free salt of the earth thinker that doesn't believe in marriage or children. I believe in both, if in fact that is the directive your life takes.

I just have not gotten married yet. Or had children, yet.

I would like to go through some of the spiel of things that I hear from time to time. Perhaps you've said them, perhaps you've heard them a time or two. Enjoy it, it's all in good fun.

"Girl, don't have kids". Why not? You had them? I thought you just finished telling me in another breath not too long ago that having kids was very rewarding. Are you telling that to make me feel better? Because I don't feel bad, but now I'm looking at you like you're crazy.

"Girl, if you were a mother, you would know how tired I was". That doesn't mean that I am not human. Does that mean that that I can't express emphathy or sympathy for you? I too, have been tired. Yes, as tired as you.

"Girl, don't get married". Why Not, you did?

"Girl, these layoffs are coming up. I can't afford to lose my job, I have kids!" Frankly, I don't think anyone that holds a job can afford to lose their job, single or not. For myself, I am not bulging at the pockets with $$$, either, so I cannot afford to lose my job, either. Furthermore, if in fact I do lose my job I have no one to turn to. I cannot get relief assistance for women and children, nothing like that.

"Girl, why don't you have any children yet?" Well, I don't know. Maybe I can't walk and chew gum at the same time. OR just maybe because I have a preference to put the cart before the horse and be married first. That is not to say that I turn my nose down at those who have not, (see paragraph 2 - it almost happened to me)

"Do you have a desire to get married?" I don't know isn't this a 'pick your poison' kind of question. About as much as you want to be single, I suppose.

"Girl, if you plan on getting married, you'd better hurry up?" And do what? Get married and end up being a divorcee? Or a single mother stressed out all the time? Or be married and miserable because I picked the wrong time/and or person?

"You don't understand. You don't have any children". I also do not know any victims of Hurricane Katrina, 09/11, the Space Shuttle Challenger, and the Vietnam War.

"Girl, I don't know if it's safe to leave you with my baby" Okay.

"My husband gets on my nerves!" And you prolly get on his, too because you don't shut your piehole.

"You become unselfish when you become a parent." I didn't know I was selfish.

"Have you ever watched children before?" Sure. That's my voice on the movie, saying "Have you checked the children?" (HEHE) Seriously, human children, or pets? Yes, I know how to take care of children. I have 12 nieces and nephews, all of which I have taken care of for long periods of time. I have been an aunt since I was ten. Two of which call me MaAuntie, instead of My Auntie, because I took care of them so well. I know how to hold them, change them, feed them, watch them, deliver medicine to them, clothe them, mix formula, warm bottles, mash up food, feed them, burp them, lay them, nuture them, etc. But in terms of watching them. No. I don't do that, I'm not a perv. Take care of them, YES. I can do that.

"It's different when you have children, though." It's also different if you are hearing imparied, or have bad credit. That doesn't mean that those who can hear can't read close captioning, and those who have bad credit can't buy a car. Which means that I still understand.

"You're always so busy. What do you have to do?" Nothing really, except sit around and watch Celebrity Fit Club, Pimp My Ride, and My Super Sweet 16. I guess I could do other things, too, such as pay all the bills, work, fix everything around the house, figure OUT how to pay everything and still save a little. Cook, clean, shop, study for school, work, run errands, wash cars, deal with my family (I do have one, you know). You know, kind of the same stuff you do.

In closing, generally the intent of it all is all in good fun. Don't get all excited or anything, I'm not chiding you. I know your intent is not to offend, and for me who hears these things all the time I'm not offended, I'm amused. I expect to be married and maybe children w/n the next two years or so. But if I don't don't get your panties all riled up in a bunch, because then they'll get all messed, up and you know a woman can never have enough panties.

Live from LA, this is P reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

Breaking News: Supa wants to see the most recent shoes that I've purchased. Here they are. . .


Supa said...

First bitcheesss!!

Ha ha.

Pat - I loves you like a play cousin, and I hardly even know ya.

Do what you want, when you want, however the FUCK you wanna do it.

I've been married, single, separated, with kids, without kids, etc and can give you the pros/cons on each scenario.


Now. On to the important stuff. Girl, show us your cute shoes!

Closet Owner said...

Hmmm...I feela ya. But i think them is women issues. I taint never had convo about so other brothers kids, wife, on the personal. Men know better than to go there.

Only convo I ever give single men is
What is hers is hers.
What yall have together is hers.
And what you have is hers.

Msnhim said...

You are too funny!!!!

By the way Im with Supa Sister... lets see the shoes!

P said...


Isn't being first the best-est?

Two. Inglewood aint' the real wood, it's Lynwood.

Yes, I know Lynwood sounds wacker than Inglewood, when in fact it is, but I still have to represent.

Supa: I have reposted with a picture of the shoes.

P said...


Personally, I think it's because brothers have a better handle/perspective on it. They think about other things besides being married and chirren.

Supa said...

OH! Those are hot!! Wedgies are the bomb!!!

And WHO tole you Lynwood was the original WOOD? Sorry they lied to you, sweetie. *smh*


J. G. said...

First off let tell you I prolly heard every single one. I will admit I used the one don't get married before, but now let me explain that was because my evil mother in law was making my youngest sister in law (she is only 18) get married in order to move out. Well she took my wonderful advise and took her chances and left her house without getting married and she thanks me for it! (Thank you very much!!)

No let me share one with you that just bugs the hell out of me:

Why haven't you had children yet you have been married for over a year now you would think you'd be knocked up?

Let just say that me and my husband have been trying but I have what you call PCOS, and it is very hard to get Preggy! Some bitches in my husband's family think that just cause you got married you have to spit children out like its no one's business, hello I want to enjoy my marriage! P you know what I'm gong through so you can just imagine how I feel when I'm being cornered about this!

I had to stop going to family functions for awhile cause I was losing it and I really think I would hurt someone if they'd ask me one more time.

But I'm much better now and they don't ask anymore!

P-Love the shoes!!!!

P said...


I forgot to mention the "Married with No Children" bit. You don't really know why, so be careful what you are asking, yanno.

Maybe you can do that as a post, J.

Me said...

thats funny - I have a daughter and was married - and sometimes I wish i knew what it is like to be childless in my twenties..but I'll never know .. if I could do it over again I would have waited or heck maybe not done it at all .. who knows

One good thing about your position is if and when you do have children at least you got to be an adult without them and learn yourself and what you like..shit I didnt even know who I was before I had to teach my daughter how to be a woman

dpm said...

"My husband gets on my nerves"
And you prolly get on his...

Hilarious. I actually think men have a higher tolerance in that area.

African girl, American world said...

hilarious EBD!!

I had to cut some females off that did that once I got it goes both ways.

I got a lot of gurl you wouldn't understand from my single friends and I was like did I lose my brain after I said I do? Did I understand last week when I was not married? And all of a sudden I couldn't give my 2 cents on dating stuff....

Dee said...

YOU KILT with the cute shoes part!!!!

I have been married and have TWO kids and gurl it aint all it's cracked up to be!!!! LOL

One of my bestest gurls is 35 no kids never been married and sometimes I am sooo jealous!!! Her ass is ALWAYS on a plane!!!!! LOL

I never make remarks to people like that!!!!

Good for you for tell them!!!! Cute post!!!! CUTER shoes!!!!!

Carmell said...

all i'm gonna say it be ready when you do it. cause if i could do it all over again i would have spent my twenties kickin it and having fun single and childless!!! i don't know what i was thinking. young and dumb. i'm selling a few crumb snatchers if you want one... lol
see i can't even buy shoes like that cause 1. no where to go, 2. i gotta tote 2 ton around. see what you got!!!

NegroPino™ said...


SO right on many accounts..People think I got fat pockets because I dont have kids neither. THey say LUCKY ME!!!!I can't afford to lose my job like the next person becuase Im all I got....I am not ready for taht added responsibility just yet. Im digging those shoes

GOod POST!!!!!Have a good weekend.

That Girl Tam said...

You's a fool...and since I'm on the phone with you now, no need to leave my comments, you already heard them! HAHAHAHA...

My favorites:

"Girl, don't have kids". Why not? You had them? I thought you just finished telling me in another breath not too long ago that having kids was very rewarding. Are you telling that to make me feel better? Because I don't feel bad, but now I'm looking at you like you're crazy.

"It's different when you have children, though." It's also different if you are hearing imparied, or have bad credit.

"My husband gets on my nerves!" And you prolly get on his too, because you don't shut your piehole.

African girl, American world said...

right Dee? my lil sister always on a plane..I couldn't even begin to imagine being on a plane much less an airport with my boys!!!

Miss Ahmad said...

okay first of all that is the funniest most poignant truth. being single without kids in my thirties makes half of my family think i closetly date white boys, or women. both of which are pretty damn funny because seeing single mother's has been my best birth control...

i don't have kids 'cuz i'm lazy and can't do it by myself!

that's gonna be my new T-Shirt!


you gots good taste!

D- said...

Great post! I can definitely relate, as I have no kids yet, either. I always say to them that I am waiting to have children until I am married, but people still kind of look at you strangely.

jen said...

THANK YOU for this post! I don't know why people feel they need to ask all the single childless women the same questions. I am also waiting for the *right* one to come along, not the first one who's willing to be with me and have children. I am not gonna end up on my ass divorced or unhappy for the next 60 years. Screw that, I'd rather be single for another 10 years then deal with that.
For some reason a lot of women with kids think that because we have not had another person crawl out of our vagina that we can't understand the complexities of being a parent. I have eyes, I can see all this shit. I'm not blind, I see you are busy, but just cause you have kids doesn't mean that your busy is any busier than my busy. They always pull that, 'you just don't know until you have kids'. No, I understand the concept of busy, and I understand the concept of kids. You shouldn't have had kids if they are such a bother to you!
And Miss Ahmed, I can totally relate to your situation. I constantly get asked by my family if I am dating someone seriously. When I say no, they think I'm a lesbian. If I were a lesbian, I'd admit I'm a damn lesbian! Get off my back!

Love the shoes, too cute!

Whirlwind said...

hala-fuckin-jula hala-fuckin-jula hala-fuckin-jula hala-fuckin-jula hala-fuckin-jula hala-fuckin-jula hala-fuckin-jula!!!

I too am childless by CHOICE! And a great CHOICE at that. I work 45-55 hours a week and that makes me tired...don't need kids to make me tired...I do just well on my own!

I have a great job that if I lost it, well...let's just say I would be snuggling my cowboy in my sears refriderator box under I-25......

My favorite line is this one:
"You wouldn't understand, you don't have kids"....Like I'm stupid. Like I can't fathom or even use my brain enough to know that you can't use your "Four letters" in front of the young...pssst! WTFE! But what I do get to this...

"I can't believe you can go out durring the week, and check out your new Tiffany's necklace, how did you afford that?".......