Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Life's Embarassing Moments

Okay, okay, we've all had them. We've seen people have them, and the same thing happens to all of us:

We get flushed
Can't concentrate,
Sight goes blurry just a little,
Can't really function on a normal level until you get your bearings about yourself.

I for one, have had numerous embarassing moments. So have my friends. I'm not going to bust them out on here, but I do have one that I will, cuz she don't read blogs, so. . .

She was 20 years old, and her family was having a gathering at her house. She decided, on her own, to go in her mother's bathroom, and take a bath. But not really take a bath, ifyouladiesknowwhatImean. The whole under the faucet running thing is a long standing way to partcipate in your own getting high on your own supply. Anyway, her mother's bathroom door does not lock, and well, y'all know where I'm going with this. . . Her cousin's wife came in and saw her stark naked in the tub, with her favorite part under the faucet going at it, to which her brother's wife promptly closed the door behind her. I asked what she did, and she said nothing, I waited a few minutes and finished up the job, she said why not I was already busted. She said her cousin's wife never said a thing about it. . .

As for me, I have had many embarassing moments. Like to hear it, hear it goes:

1. I was busted for cheating in my seventh grade English class. We were having a spelling test (Those words were HARD - she was French, so she would always have words like rendezvous, tete a tete, hors d'orderves - sheeat like that). I thought I was cute and had the words written in pen under my skirt. She came right over to me, in front of everybody, and told me to stand up and lift up my skirt. I was appalled. Initially everybody thought that she was being vulgar, but she just said, no, just a little bit. So of course, I did, and the words were written on my legs, and she said, "class, this is a lesson in what NOT to do if you want to pass this class".

2. I was in the tenth grade and I was walking down the steps in my Payless penny loafers coming out of my algebra one class. I saw my first love, my first major crush, the 12th grade quarterback, the man, Mr. Darren Hughes, passing by with his jersey on. I thought I was so cute with my shiny red lipstick I had on (I think it was a no. 7 that I got from the swap meet), and my little blue mascara and the blush that looked absolutely ridiculous. Meanwhile, I was so busy gazing at him, I broke Payless slippery - slope shoes #1 rule. . .Pay attention while walking at all times, because you might find yourself face down, which is exactly what happened as I barrelled down the stairs, trying to show off my blue black cellophane and feathered hair. I slipped and tumbled down three steps, and my pee-chee, and other folders and book items splayed all across the concrete. Nobody laughed more than they stared, including him. It was a spectacular pratfall, if I can say so myself. . .

3. I went to my prom with some friends, (I did not have a date, that's a long story), but I didn't want one. And for those of you who say, "Yeah, beeach, you prolly didn't have anybuddy to ax you", nope, not the case, can't you tell I'm a foxy mama by my legs? HAHA! But tinnyway, she and the other gals and dudes ended up leaving me at the prom (Lying beeach - later on she swears she couldn't find me, how are you going to miss a then 5'11" foot girl in all black with some satin pumps on to boot!), and by the time I realized she was gone, all my other homegirls were gone too, I had to call my mama to come pick me up from the LA Marriott Hotel at midnight (this is pre-cell phone era, y'all), so I'm coming back and forth out the lobby, cold with this one shouldered gown, looking for this narc-inspired chevy cavalier looking vehicle to drive up, complete with a black chick with pink sponge rollers in her hair, covered by a scarf.

4. I was at work one day, talking to this dude on a break. I was facing him and we were both sitting down. I worked at K-Mart Portrait Studio and I was just chewing the fat, and he said, "Looks like you had an accident down there" and lo and behold, Aunt Flo was permeating through my white bubble gum pants. Had to go home and change.

5. I sent a nasty jokey-joke to a bunch of friends while I was working (not here), and accidentally sent it to one of the principals of the company, who forwarded it to my supervisor. I was so busted. And it was nasty. And these folks were devout Christians. That has nothing to do with it, I wasn't supposed to be sending that kind of stuff in any work environment anyway, but that just made it worse to me, a fellow Christian. But hell, email had just became what was hot on the streets and we were all excited and stuff.

6. I didn't like the way my house looked when I was a teenager, (we were in tha hood and were having a rough time of it, and I told my friend's cousin to drop me off at another house, and when they dropped me off I walked around the corner to my house, and they had went back to ask me something and the lady told them that I didn't live there but I lived around the corner, and they came banging on the door looking for an explanation. They were not mad; but they were upset that I thought they would judge me.

**EDIT** ** EDIT** EDIT**

7: Reading Tam's comments triggered two more embarassing moments. I was working at my company for about six months. (I have since been here for five years). My cubicle was in a main walkway. I was looking for something in my purse and was fishing through it and was taking out stuff. I thought I had put everything back. I had a "U" shaped cubicle, and everybody who passed by, could see at least the back of the desk, if not 2/3rds of it. Anyway, I saw folks passing by me and then lookiing at me, but whatever, I thought it was because I was hot. Anyway, later when I turned to retrieve something from the back of the desk, I find, standing at full attention, was this:


Yes, ladies and gentleman, my bottle of FDS deodorant spray. I couldn't do anything but put it back in my purse. Later on, my coworker (who had been working at the company for less time than I had), said she, too, had saw, it but she thought I was one of those bra-burning, I am woman, hear my roar, you betta not say something kind of chicks, so she was like "Okay, least I know where to go when I get that 'not so fresh' feelin.

8. Years ago, my mom and I were on the way to church. (We ride together). I have this botanical oil called Design Essentials Silk Essentials - It's this wonderful silk product that I put on my hair. Well, my mother uses it too. She saw what she thought was the bottle and was like "Ooh, I could use some of this, and she promptly upturned the bottle, put a few drops in her hand, and was about to put it on her hair, I screeched "NOOOO!" and she was like "Whaaa?" And I told her, er, that's baby oil" She was like, "Ooh, chile, I'm glad you caught it." To which I said, silently, Yes, mom, I'm glad I prevented you from putting K-Y Jelly drops in your hair. The label had come off and it just looked like a plain, clear bottle.

Who left dat in my car?

Okay, I have many many more, but I'll leave the rest to you.

What are some, or one of your embarassing moments? Will (or CAN you) share with us?

13 comments:

Msnhim said...

LMAO!!!!! I did the skirt thing in junior High as well...but I didnt get caught.

ddsprncs said...

--how are you going to miss a then 5'11" foot girl.

my 2 yr old's doctor told us yesterday that at her hieght it should put her at 5'11. I'll have to get some tips from you seeing as I am olny 5'3.

I will have to think about some of those embarrsing moments... I am pretty good at being on the DL at least I think I am.

I remember One time I piled my hair slopply on top of my head and held it with a pick (I was cleaning) by the way I have alot of hair, you know, crazy mixed girl hair and I mostly keep it curly, and so (almost everyone in my church is white)I forget about my hair, seeing as it is outta my way and go to a meeting AT CHURCH! I did not realize until someone said "nice hair" I playd it off like I meant to do it that way, but I felt pretty stupid!!!

Ps I left you a response on the music comment you left me.

That Girl Tam said...

Lemme think...I do so much stupid shit that it's hard to keep track...ok, I got two...

OOH OHH! Ok, everyone has what SOME people call a "ho bag" - I look at it more like a goodie bag of essentials! Well, when I was in college, I kept a small denim duffle bag in the trunk of my car with stuff like extra panties and pads (this is PRE-sexual activity - hehehe). Well, I was rushin to pick up my boyfriend and make it to class on time...I was on my period and took a pad out of the duffle and tossed it into the backseat (I had a hatchback at the time). After class was over we jumped into the car so we could go grab food...this fool reaches back in my backseat and starts pattin his forehead with the pad - asking, "Damn, is it hot in here os is it just ME?" I almost crashed my car...I had forgotten ALL ABOUT the MAXIPAD sittin in my backseat...lol...duh...

One time I was like 8...I spent the weekend over at my cousin Tommy's house...they lived in Anaheim and at the time, the area (and his friends) were mostly white. They had been treating me kinda funky the whole time...not only was I a GIRL...I was a little BLACK girl as far as THEY were concerned. So anyway...they're all on their skate boards (and I don't know the first thing about skateboarding) and I called myself trying to do something COOL...so I did a cartwheel (like I was trying to impress them) and mid-flip...I farted. LMAO! It wasn't funny to ME...but they sure got a kick out of it...

SuniStar said...

LMAO...this brought back memories...the curlers...:)
Anyone remember way back when(20+ years)...your parents(mom) would pick you up from parties at midnight...curfew??? Well my mom would show up exactly at midnight(yes, I felt like Cinderella)...wearing either her house coat, bedslippers, and yes those infamous rollers...not the sponge ones, the hard multicolored, different sizes, beauty salon ones...

My mom would then proceed to walk through the party looking for myself and/or my brothers...memories...LOL

African girl, American world said...

I'm too tired to think of some good ones...every now and then I'll have some Jessica Simpson moments and really not know what everybody else knows...my poor husband.

I had a mean 1st grade teacher and was too scared to ask to use the bathroom so I peed myself.

That Girl Tam said...

Ok, I finally remembered the one I wanted to tell...lol...

When I was about 14 (during my last weekend visit EVER at my father's house) I snagged a few of his porn mags and took them home. SO WHAT, I was CURIOUS! HAHAHA!

Anyway, I kept these mags under my daybed mattress. Well...I guess over the years it never came to mind to THROW THEM AWAY. When I was 18, we MOVED from L.A. to Harbor City (where my mom still lives) - as my uncles were taking my room apart, they found my stash of magazines as they lifted up the mattress *GASP* and then told my PARENTS about it (after they razzed me a bit). I was MORTIFIED...

The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

oh hell naw...boy your funny....comical...good post..

Dee said...

I don't really get embarassed cause hell i'm 2 silly!!!! I laugh at myself!!!!!

Who keeps K-Y in the car??? PHREAK I tell ya!!!!

I remember pee chee folders and penny loafers ooohh chile couldn't tell me shit!!!!

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

Girl I'm LMAO!!!

Tam and thta damn pad is too damn funny. I would have died!

I can't think of anything right now either. Hmmmmmm...

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Closet Owner said...

Shyte I aint giving that up here.

Jaimie said...

My bikini top came off when I came out of a wave. I was on a class trip. Oh my God that was embarrassing.

Me said...

ok ok this is nasty but here goes -

I was getting some much needed attention from my man ..oral attention ( hint hint) and i passed gas HAHAHAHAH..


Oh and one time I got sooo drunk at a club i peed on myself waiting in line in the ladies room - and then mopped it up.. ( yes there was a mop in the bathroom in the corner ) OMG embarrasing .. havent been back to that club since !