Sunday, September 23, 2007

There's Something About Mary

Recently, I had went over to one of the blogs where I am just generally a silent lurker, James Manning. He talks about top tens all the time: Top ten comedians, top ten actors/actresses, etc. etc. This particular time, the post was titled "The Top Ten Celebrities I'm just not feeling".

I was ROLLING! I didn't know which was funnier - HIS comments or other peoples commentaries. In any case, it had been something that I had been thinking about for awhile but never really put the post into manifestation, not wanting to sound like a player hater regarding the people that just get on my nerves (which coincidentally, Playa HATER also corresponds with the initials to my name). In fact, one of my other favorite reads, the artist formerly known as T-Cas, used to go on his various rants and raves regarding these folks, one of which was the singer Joe, to which he has readily admitted that he has no valid reason not to like him. . .

There are innumerable celebrities, that, even though I am by no means BFF's with ANY of them, that there is just SOMETHING about them that I can't put my finger on, that just annoys the hell out of me. Not annoying to the point where I'll put up a blog in the name of extinguishing them from all public rememberance, but just annoying enough where I'll have a comment or so periodically regarding them. You know, annoying, like a chalkboard screech or someone smacking gum. So, without further adieu, here's my Ten Spot, my "There's Something About Them" that works my nerves. True enough these people will forever have more money in one day than I make in a calendar month, so who am I to say anything? I'm P, that's who. Also, my irritation is an equal opportunity employer - you will find a spread of men and women, black and white, Jews and Gentiles.

Kathy Griffin. I don't like this chick. She's not funny, nor is she entertaining. I don't understand her brand of humor and I don't think it's because she's not black. And YES, I felt this way before she made it known that she was a militant atheist and told Jesus to "Suck it" at the Emmy Awards (thought that certainly didn't help her cause). Her faces looks contorted and she just looks mean spirited. Not a fan at all.

Erykah Badu: I expect to get some flack and lose some cool points from this one, no doubt one of them being from Sha-Boogie. I never got into her 'neo soul, sticky-icky, you have understand what she's saying to feel what she's saying hidden meaning shit' that she does. I just never bought the whole Africana Soul sister number one cutting her hair, philosopicizin way about her. Personally, it's annoying. There are a few songs that I like from her, (two, at best, three - Tyrone, Next Lifetime, and some other one I don't feel like remembering). Baduizm: Not for me.
George Clooney: What's up with this guy? He's CORNY. I can't even look at him without thinking about him being on the Facts of Life. He's running on a bunch of hot air to me. Plus he looks like an asshole. At this point, I know my post is sounding like I'm a hater, but I just don't like the cat. He does NOTHING for me.
Eve: She ALMOST didn't make make my list. I KIND of like her so we will just asterick her, kind of like Barry Bonds home runs and the first San Antonio Spurs half season championship win. . . .BUT. . .Something about her smile is really sinister. And, even though I know she grew up stripping and freaking, I think that Hollyweird has really took her by storm, and I don't think she is as soulful as she claims to admit. And the whole glossy gloss appeal makes me do nothing but, well, look at her gloss. Granted, you have to dot your eyes and cross your t's in this industry, and keep with good company - otherwise you'll end up a disgraced owner of Bad Newz Kennels; however, she just weirds me out for no full authentic reason.

Will and Jada: Just a personal thing. He's weirded me out since Fresh Prince. He scares me and I don't know why. I also don't think he's a very good actor. I think he is an OK actor. I think he is even less of a comedian and an above average rapper. She, Jada, Wicked Wisdom Jada, producer extraordinaire Jada, was two snaps and a twist away from a life of oblivion, with notable movies such as "A Low Down Dirty Shame" AND "Woo" before she was rescued by Will. I also think that both of them are freek-a-leeks, but that might me just OD'ing on too many gossip blogger sites.

Aisha Tyler: I'm not sure where she fits in in the scheme of African American actresses. I don't like the 'sister girl' attitude that she tries to reflect. It's inauthentic. I don't like the way she wears her makeup, either it looks ridiculous.
Rosie O'Donnell: I would suppose this is a given; although I know that many people are Rosie fans. I can only say that I think that Rosie is a very, sad, unhappy, bitter individuals that disguises that pain into political and personal rants and raves. I also think that her sexual preference gets inserted in there at will and she also uses that as a tool to ignite unnecessary controversy. I believe that, even though she has very vocal opinions, ANY opinion that is unlike her own is invalid to her, and thus, subject to a round of Rosie Rants.

Justin Timberlake. He lost his card after the Janet Jackson debacle. He's not cool. But he, and the listening audience seems to think so! And he didn't bring Sexy back, even Prince said so! :). And, I just don't like that "I'm Justin Timberlake" look that he has on his face all the time.

Rachael Ray: How many effen times can you make something in thirty minutes (or less) that involves Chicken Stock, and a little bit of EVOO? I don't know how she manages to cook meat and pasta, dessert and a little bit of anything else in the course of that time and everything turns out "YUMMO!". Eew. No thanks.

So, again, even though these people have obtained obscene amounts of money and fame beyond what can imagine, these people, are in fact, on my warm close personal list of "There's Something Not Quite Right" about these folks. I could be as far off as Michael Vick having a chance in hell in getting elected to the hall of fame, or I could be SPOT on.

What Celebrities are YOU just not feeling, and why? Any honorary mentions to add to the list??

Monday, September 17, 2007

Bet on Black

Modern Day Jim Crow. Any town that still uses the word "Parrish" versus town (which, Lou-see-anna is the ONLY state that continues to do this) is borderline suspect, anyway. Though the appeals court has spoken, reversed the decision on one of the boys, Michael Bell (and the prosecutor suddenly refiled with some other trumped up charges), it's not over.

You can't throw a bone to dogs that are looking for prime rib. Bow wow wow yippe yo, yippe yah.

People get ready. We're on our way to Jena, Louisiana.

We are coming by the busloads. Ready. For JENA. And we're ALL coming. . . .Older people who witnessed the disparities of days gone by, who will NOT let this continue to happen; Younger people who cannot believe that this STILL goes on (they don't call it the 'dirty' south for nothing). Wealthy people who are putting their money where their mouth is, donating their time, efforts, and YES, money for buses so that those who are unable to pay, can come along for the ride. (PS: Oprah: WTF re: Jena. You have Fred and Kim Goldman on your show talking about some "If I did it" BS where the bonghead you got hiding somewhere?

Jena, this will not go away. You can't pick and choose what you want to proscecute. Stuck in a time warp no more, we are coming to polarize, mobilize and immobilize all that your community emcompasses. WE DON'T CARE that you're trying to pull a Jedi mind trick on us, vacating Mychal Bell's case thinking that we won't continue in our quest for justice. You are NOT about to throw our black, brown, and even our white boys down the drain who are socio economically disavantaged, under the premise of the good old boy network. Kiss our ass.

You're NOT going to to distract us with breaking news on THIS ONE, with his foiled attempt at a so called 'sting' operation in Sin City. Nope.

You can play all the games and put all the cards on the table you want, Jena, Louisiana. But guess what.

The get out of jail free card has already been pulled.
We are about to Go Fish.
I Declare War.

As for me, I bet on black.

On Thursday, September 20, 2007, join everyone nationally who support the Jena Six by wearing all black, as they will, as a show of solidarity.

See link for additional information, and how to support these boys, please visit the Justice for Jena Site

This post is dedicated to the Jena 6.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Hell Date

Tall.Dark.Sexy.Professional Ball Player. The guy who approached me in the mall several years ago. And although the "my knee got messed up and I couldn't play in the pros for the NBA so now I'm playing overseas" line is kind of played right now, it was still cool back in the nineties.

Needless to say, the brother got a date. Not because he was a ballplayer, but because he was cute, not to mention he had nice hands, and I've got a thing for nice hands on a man. Nothing effiminate, but if you are going to be rubbing on me, I would prefer that you don't bite your nails to a quick and give me any more marks that I received roughhousing as a little tyke.

We decided upon everyone's faux-pas Mexican restaurant, El Torito. Upon arriving there, he starts patting his pockets, similar to the way a man would if he was trying to find his keys. After about half a minute, I offer the obligatory "What's Wrong?" comment, to which he says:

"Dammit, I forgot my ATM Card!"

(Insert black stare here)

I don't know what kind of new fool he thought I was, so I asked him "Well, do you want to go back and get it?" He said naw, and that he would have more than enough cash on him. Meanwhile, he's still patting himself down like he's doing a self check for the LAPD.

As we approached the front door, he was beckoning me towards sitting in the bar area. I said no, and he wanted to know why. I told him: For one , I don't drink, and for two, there is plenty of seating available in the regular section. Then all of a sudden, he looks at me with this incredulous look on his face and says:

"What, you don't want no WINGS?? No chips and Salsa?? I got me a taste for some WINGS!"

He must be smoking that good sh**. He doesn't want to pay for a dinner, and he is trying to get us to sit down and have some appetizers to substitute FOR that. After going back and forth with him, I gave into his wing tantrum and went into the bar area, STRICTLY BECAUSE I WANTED THIS DATE TO BE OVER WITH. Needless to say, my appetite was GONE - but NOT his. . . He proceeded to eat those hot wings, chips and salsa like he was one of the children from the Christian Children's Fund. I went through about a thirty minute torture session with him trying to reach over and rub my arms, to which, I gave him frequent dirty looks.

I was totally disgusted. Not because of the appetizers or because I am high maintenance, but because he tried to PLAY ME. And thats not cool. So, anyway, when we get back to his house (I had driven my car over there and we rode together to the restaurant), he pulled up in front of my house, and asked me did I want to come in. Assuming that he wanted me to 'cum' in and not come in, I respectfully declined. He then started rubbing on my legs. I moved his hand away. Then he asked to see my feet.

Hells Bells, why not. Do you know this fool reached over and started sucking my toes??

((Insert appalled look here))

I yanked my foot out of his mouth and grabbed my shoe, and slammed the door on him, never looked back, and didn't lose any sleep over him.

Well, that's not exactly true. . .

About six months later, I left the television on one night, and the show "Change of Heart" came on. You remember that show, don't you? A couple would come on, trying to salvage their relationship, and then they would go on separate dates to see if they still wanted to hang with each other. In my groggy, slob induced sleep, I hear HIS name and HIS voice. I jumped straight up, scared that he was inhabiting my dreams like Freddy Krueger. Needless to say, he was on there, and guess what else.



Tell us AboutYOUR Hell Date? Anyone you know been on one? Are YOU a hell date?