Sunday, September 23, 2007

There's Something About Mary

Recently, I had went over to one of the blogs where I am just generally a silent lurker, James Manning. He talks about top tens all the time: Top ten comedians, top ten actors/actresses, etc. etc. This particular time, the post was titled "The Top Ten Celebrities I'm just not feeling".

I was ROLLING! I didn't know which was funnier - HIS comments or other peoples commentaries. In any case, it had been something that I had been thinking about for awhile but never really put the post into manifestation, not wanting to sound like a player hater regarding the people that just get on my nerves (which coincidentally, Playa HATER also corresponds with the initials to my name). In fact, one of my other favorite reads, the artist formerly known as T-Cas, used to go on his various rants and raves regarding these folks, one of which was the singer Joe, to which he has readily admitted that he has no valid reason not to like him. . .

There are innumerable celebrities, that, even though I am by no means BFF's with ANY of them, that there is just SOMETHING about them that I can't put my finger on, that just annoys the hell out of me. Not annoying to the point where I'll put up a blog in the name of extinguishing them from all public rememberance, but just annoying enough where I'll have a comment or so periodically regarding them. You know, annoying, like a chalkboard screech or someone smacking gum. So, without further adieu, here's my Ten Spot, my "There's Something About Them" that works my nerves. True enough these people will forever have more money in one day than I make in a calendar month, so who am I to say anything? I'm P, that's who. Also, my irritation is an equal opportunity employer - you will find a spread of men and women, black and white, Jews and Gentiles.

Kathy Griffin. I don't like this chick. She's not funny, nor is she entertaining. I don't understand her brand of humor and I don't think it's because she's not black. And YES, I felt this way before she made it known that she was a militant atheist and told Jesus to "Suck it" at the Emmy Awards (thought that certainly didn't help her cause). Her faces looks contorted and she just looks mean spirited. Not a fan at all.

Erykah Badu: I expect to get some flack and lose some cool points from this one, no doubt one of them being from Sha-Boogie. I never got into her 'neo soul, sticky-icky, you have understand what she's saying to feel what she's saying hidden meaning shit' that she does. I just never bought the whole Africana Soul sister number one cutting her hair, philosopicizin way about her. Personally, it's annoying. There are a few songs that I like from her, (two, at best, three - Tyrone, Next Lifetime, and some other one I don't feel like remembering). Baduizm: Not for me.
George Clooney: What's up with this guy? He's CORNY. I can't even look at him without thinking about him being on the Facts of Life. He's running on a bunch of hot air to me. Plus he looks like an asshole. At this point, I know my post is sounding like I'm a hater, but I just don't like the cat. He does NOTHING for me.
Eve: She ALMOST didn't make make my list. I KIND of like her so we will just asterick her, kind of like Barry Bonds home runs and the first San Antonio Spurs half season championship win. . . .BUT. . .Something about her smile is really sinister. And, even though I know she grew up stripping and freaking, I think that Hollyweird has really took her by storm, and I don't think she is as soulful as she claims to admit. And the whole glossy gloss appeal makes me do nothing but, well, look at her gloss. Granted, you have to dot your eyes and cross your t's in this industry, and keep with good company - otherwise you'll end up a disgraced owner of Bad Newz Kennels; however, she just weirds me out for no full authentic reason.

Will and Jada: Just a personal thing. He's weirded me out since Fresh Prince. He scares me and I don't know why. I also don't think he's a very good actor. I think he is an OK actor. I think he is even less of a comedian and an above average rapper. She, Jada, Wicked Wisdom Jada, producer extraordinaire Jada, was two snaps and a twist away from a life of oblivion, with notable movies such as "A Low Down Dirty Shame" AND "Woo" before she was rescued by Will. I also think that both of them are freek-a-leeks, but that might me just OD'ing on too many gossip blogger sites.

Aisha Tyler: I'm not sure where she fits in in the scheme of African American actresses. I don't like the 'sister girl' attitude that she tries to reflect. It's inauthentic. I don't like the way she wears her makeup, either it looks ridiculous.
Rosie O'Donnell: I would suppose this is a given; although I know that many people are Rosie fans. I can only say that I think that Rosie is a very, sad, unhappy, bitter individuals that disguises that pain into political and personal rants and raves. I also think that her sexual preference gets inserted in there at will and she also uses that as a tool to ignite unnecessary controversy. I believe that, even though she has very vocal opinions, ANY opinion that is unlike her own is invalid to her, and thus, subject to a round of Rosie Rants.

Justin Timberlake. He lost his card after the Janet Jackson debacle. He's not cool. But he, and the listening audience seems to think so! And he didn't bring Sexy back, even Prince said so! :). And, I just don't like that "I'm Justin Timberlake" look that he has on his face all the time.

Rachael Ray: How many effen times can you make something in thirty minutes (or less) that involves Chicken Stock, and a little bit of EVOO? I don't know how she manages to cook meat and pasta, dessert and a little bit of anything else in the course of that time and everything turns out "YUMMO!". Eew. No thanks.

So, again, even though these people have obtained obscene amounts of money and fame beyond what can imagine, these people, are in fact, on my warm close personal list of "There's Something Not Quite Right" about these folks. I could be as far off as Michael Vick having a chance in hell in getting elected to the hall of fame, or I could be SPOT on.

What Celebrities are YOU just not feeling, and why? Any honorary mentions to add to the list??


Erica C. said...

Let's see:
1)Beyonce' the weave scares me.
2)Does George W. Bush count?
3)Brittany Spears
4)Lindsey Lohan

That's all I can think of at the moment. Great post!

P said...

@ Erica:

Course The President counts. . .He's a celebrity, for all intents and purposes. Hey, he was even on a documentary, Farenheit 09/11, so YEAH!! :)

Rashan Jamal said...

I love this post, I might have to steal it...

First off, back off Erykah and Aisha. I think I put them on the list of celebrities I would stalk last year.

I feel the exact same way about Will Smith, Jada doesn't really make my radar as a celebrity, she's like an accessory to Will these days.

My List (besides Will Smith)
1. Joe (I just don't like him, no reason why.)
2. Fifty Cent (I tried to like him, but he just makes me embarrassed to be a hip hop head)
3. Carson Daly (the corniest dude in America and his talk show is embarrasingly bad)
4. Halle Berry (I personally think she is the worst actress to have a sucessful career.)
5. DL Hughley (I used to think he was funny when he was doing Comic View. Too bad he tells the same jokes 15 years later.)

I'll stop there because you know I'm a world class hater, and I could keep listing people I'm not feeling for days.

Rashan Jamal said...

Oh wait, I have to express my extreme hatred for Tyler Perry. I hate every movie, play, and tv show I have ever seen from him. Especially that damn TV show. LOL

P said...

@ Rashan Jamal:

You know what, actually believe it or not, you are also one of the inspirations for this post. . . When you were the artist formerly known as TCas, you would always get your clown on with folks, and if I can remember, one of the people that you used to clown was JOE.

As for your comments:

Fiddy is okay, he is just a walking time bomb if he keeps having these beefs with folks.

Halle: I didn't want to put her on the list because I would have had to go into the laundry list why I think that, beauty aside, that she is a neurotic nut, very needy, and very bitter against men.

@ DL: I did like him. He has been a bit painful lately, but I do still like the cat. . .

As for your peeps Erykah Labu (which is what I call her) and Aisha, way too over the top for me.

smoothie said...

Excuse Me, but Im about to start flaming catz on this...

RJ and P
Halle ??? C'mon, Halle? Really?? Halle??? At her absolute WORST, I'd drop everything and tell her everything ME.. Maybe im blinded by all things HB, but even if I were to at 10% agree with the knock on her perosnality, her acting, looks and perserverance (sp) more then make up for it.

P, for the most part your list agrees well with me . 2 in particular you nailed Perfectly. Eve and Jada. Eve looks as though there's something up her sleeve at all times. Jada was going no where superfast and in a hurry up until will showed. WOO, was she serious taking that role??

Here are some of my notables

1. Dog the Bounty Hunter.( Looks and sounds like barefootin'tobacky chewin' Mullet wearin reddie I know he is.)

2. Al Sharpton and 3. Jessie. (The blackfolk batman and robin have finally been exposed for the frauds they are..) Holy halfhearted hand shakes fatman..No prob Jessie

4. Ray-j. After Brandy's career faded why didnt his? There's 5 minutes of fame, and then there's 5 seconds ...He's milkin his walkin stick...I aint gay, im just sayin.

5. Bill O' Reilly. To easy...

P said...

@ Smoothie:

I'll let you slack off on all things Halle re: Her looks but I am NOT going to let you slide on her acting and perseverance - whatever that means. But I don't expect for you to give a dayum what I say when it comes to her and your little fantasies about her or whatever. :)

And YOU know I love Duane "Dog" Chapman! Leave my lil homie alone. He caught Andrew Luster!!!

Y'all leave batman and robin alone, ain't nobody else took the flag and ran with it. . .Leave the Press and Curl/Perm Duo alone, yo!!

Ray J: If he was talented it probably wouldn't be an issue, but seeing him around is pre-tteee embarras-kin.

Bill O'Reilly. Interesting you mentioned him. He is also one of my honorable mentions, as well as Steve Harvey - I just had to weed down the list. . . .However, he tries to always act so pious and self righteous, when it fact, not even a decade ago he was hosting the sleaze magazine Inside Edition - PLEASE! And I'm supposed to take him seriously?

smoothie said...

Steve Harvey..How could I have possibly forgotten about him..You on point with this one..

I like how he was tryin to tell peepz that he was infact a much better comedian then Bernie..He COULD NOT have been serious with that one. Ive maintained that The Original K.'s O.C. shoulda been B-Mac and Ced. The other 2 shoulda been honored to have the privi of sharing the same stage. (Or simply replaced with Jaime and C-Rock..)

Also, you know I had to nail Dog. That was a given.

Anonymous said...

I feel you on the list except Erykah Badu and Will & Jada. They are friends in my head. But you nailed this about Erykah: "'neo soul, sticky-icky, you have understand what she's saying to feel what she's saying hidden meaning shit'".

My list would include

Gail (Oprah's friend)- something just isn't right with her

Jennifer Aniston - her and her hairstyle irks the hell out of me

Snoop Dog(present)- I was cool with the early 90s Snoop Dog, but the ponytail, showing up to awards with two women on the chain Snoop, I don't like.

I could go on and on and on. You gave me some inspriation for my next post. lol

smoothie said...


check your email..

also, All things ESPN...

P said...

@ Southern Gal:

HAHAHAHA Re: Gail. . . You know, exactly what is it that she does for a living. :)

Jennifer Aniston: Overrated. Completely. I mean I can't knock her hustle, but totally overrated. And Becky's LOVE being like her. . . .

Snoop Dogg: LMAO! But you're right. How did he go from the super duper face of Thug Rap to being this quasi pimpalicious guy using 'Izzle' with every other word?

LMAO re: Will, Jada and Erykah being friends of yours "in your head"

Aunt Jackie said...

Terrance Howard although I still wanna do it to him. Something about him is just plain irksome!

Lil Kim cuz she ruined her face and then her career.

Foxy Brown cuz she needs to go to rehab or find Jesus or something that might get her back right!

Star Jones for perpetrating a fraud on soo many levels.

nikki said...

star jones - why she wait until the book to confirm what everybody already knew? made her look like a attention grabbing opportunist.

tyler perry - how come folk are putting him on 'sexy black men' lists? he's GROSS.

jennifer lopez - i was so glad when she got married and disappeared. i've always felt she was a user. when she wanted to get 'street cred' for her music career, she dated puffy. when she wanted to get a way into acting, she dated ben. now she wanna get back with her hispanic folk and mark anthony fits the bill.

newest entry is ben stiller - how many times can dude make the same movie? he and adam sandler need to just stop for a minute until they get some fresh ideas.

P said...

@ Aunt Jackie: At least the people that you are not feeling, you have VALID reasons behind them. Me? hahaha, I just have my OWN method to my madness reasons.

Terrence Howard: It's all in the eyes, baby. Suspect. All the way.

Lil Kim: Beautiful girl. (Was). Now she has went and destroyed her face, which always looks like about a 1/3 of it is missing.

Foxy Brown: This girl has been to hell and back, she has been extended UNMERITED favor by her hearing being restored and is STILL cutten up!

Star Jones: WTF is up with her?

Nikki: Why erry-boddy be banging on Tyler Perry? Y'all be clownin.

JLo: Never really been a huge fan of hers. I think she is less attached to her culture than she admits, not as authentically attatched, as say, someone like Rosie Perez. Marc Anthony ain't no joke, though, he seems like he can keep her under some realm of control, so to speak.

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

1) Star Jones- I liked her better when she was fat.
2) Beyonce- We know she can't speak English well, but do we HAVE to hear it in her songs? 'Cuz you was untrue? Da hell?
3) Fiddy- Never liked him. Everytime he opens his mouth, I like him a lil' less.
4) Nancy Grace. She could be right as rain, but phug it all up with her mouth. My momma always yet if you gotta loudtalk somebody, you must be losing control.

Miz JJ said...

I gotta co-sign with Miss A on Terrance "Baby Wipes" Howard. He's a punk. Can't stand him. Who says that in an interview. He is believing his own hype. He was sexy in the Best Man and it has been downhill ever since he was rocking that ridiculous press 'n' curl in that misogynistic, piece of crap pimp movie. Foolio.

Taye Diggs. Now it is not because his wife is white. Although he keeps saying how black women don't like him because his wife is white. Errr...rewind...that's not it Taye. It's because you are corny as fuck. Corny motherfucker!

Oprah. She's cool and she does good stuff, but she has no idea what regular folk go through. None. "Ohhh that sweater is only $75. That is so cheap." No Oprah. That is not cheap. Maybe for you because you are a billionaire, but not for regular folks.

I could not find your e-mail on your site. Send me an e-mail when you get a chance:

Aunt Jackie said...

yea i'm not feeling oprah either. she's what the old folks called too uppity and there's something strangely insincere about her to me.

Aly Cat 121 said...

okay your list was hella funny. I was rollin at your explanations. lol

Anonymous said...

I had to come back because I forgot about this person till I saw her on my tv screen:

Eva Longoria. I know I missed up her name but I don't care. She is very irratating. The media hyped her beauty up. She is pretty but I've seen prettier. And it should be against the law to be a size 0.

Sha Boogie said...

WHY P?! WHYYYYYYY!?!? Not my Erykah! Not my Rachel Ray!!!! heart is breaking..broken..*tears* I like that Erykah is random, she does nothing consistant and its hilarious, much like me!haha.. And Rachel Ray just makes cooking look fun, she smiles to dang much, but how you can you hate to EVOOOOOO?!

chele said...

Gosh, I really like some of the folks that you listed. I agree on Rosie and Kathy. But Rachael? George? C'mon!!!!!!

Anyway, I cannot stand:

1. Barbara Friggin Walters
2. Sean Friggin Combs
3. Brandy Norwood
4. Brangelina ... seriously, WTF
5. Rhianna or is it Ciara ...
6. Beyonce
7. Kimora Lee Simmons ... she drives me crazy.

Sheletha said...

feeling you on almost all except the erykah badu and rachel ray...

Peeps in the game I cant respect.

Michael Baisden - he cheats 'nuff said.

I may be the only one in the world that isn't feeiling Alicia Keys new song "one"

Any song with "one" in the title, remember MJBs last song on The Breakthrough album? It was called One and I didn't like that either.

Isaiah Thomas....and all this time i thought he was just as sweet...

Any chick that was on Flavor of Love...(oh they are not celebrities, so they dont count)

The Rock - I think hes sexy in an eerie type of way. If I saw him face to face I would prolly faint.

iphone and Voyager - can i just get a phone that rings and works in the most obscure places

i should be able to think of more later...

AR Gal said...

I lurk more than I comment but I just had to have my say on this one.

1.George Bush- when I say I can't stand his ass...I mean it. Notice I didn't call him by his offical title, I have no respect for him.
2.Beyonce and her armpit poses
3.The media and their incessant need to try and "look over" news of real importance (queue Jena 6 please)
4.Halle Berry-I agree with the other poster on this one. This chick has alway seems one short of the kukoos nest to me. I still haven't figured out why she got that Oscar.
5.Golden Brooks- Why is it that everytime we see her she looks like she just dumped a couple of cups of flour on her face,smeared on red lipstick, and didn't bother to come out that weave.
6. Our favorite gorilla in the midst lookalike 50 cent who has since been downgraded to 1 cent in my book.
7. Any celebrity who gets married only to divorce less than a year later.
8.Izzy on Grey's Anatomy
9.BET! BET! BET! Especially for removing "In Living Color" from it's programming.
10. Anything regarding Crank Dat or Soulja Boy.