Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The Crying Game - **UPDATED**

Friend of mines. New to the internet dating scheme. He's been wounded in real life. In fact, it's THIS guy. Well, he met some 'chick' online, and they have been going at it (online and over the phone) for three months. Now, whether you've ventured into the internet dating scene yourself, or you know people you have, there is no gray ground. It either turns out to be absolutely catastrophic, or a happily ever after experience. (E-Harmony, anyone?)

Needless to say, he called me today to tell me that he has a number change due to some cell phone drama at his other provider. (Translation: Ran up his bill talking to ole girl). He also called to communicate that he has a new career opportunity, that would require him to train for five months in Houston, TX (He is from the "OC"). As painful as it would be for him to be away from his 8 year old son that long, he kept telling me that would be good, because 'his girl' lives there, and 'his girl' this and 'his girl' that. I finally asked him "Well, I don't talk to you much anymore, and you haven't updated me on ole girl, so what's up with y'all?" to which (condensed version), he says:

- I'm in love. She totally has my heart.
- I am going to marry this woman
- She is my soulmate. I have NEVER felt anything like this before.
- She's the one.
- We are getting married in the Virgin Islands. I want you to come.
- She has my heart. I'm hopeless.

Blog Fam: I have known this man for five years. I have NEVER heard his voice sound like this. EVAH!!!

Now, with all he said, I am thinking, at the same time:

- I've seen her pictures
- Her breasts look augmented
- She always shows from the waist up, and not the hips
- Pictures are bright enough to see, but dim enough not to see ENOUGH.
- It doesn't look like her apartment has any furniture in it.
- I think 'she' is a 'SHIM'.
- All of her pictures are profiles and not straight up looks.
- Her hands are large. As in "These look like a man's hands with acrylic" type of large.
- Email address is Nu Image (WTF?)

He is so far gone that I don't believe that anything I tell him will dissuade him. I believe that this is part of the ploy from Wong Foo. Get him down there so he won't want to look at your goodies, then, go downtown on him, pull a 68 you owe me one, and considering that this SHIM can probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose, that won't help matters much.

I don't want to sound like a spoil sport. However, I certainly don't want him to go down there blind and then come back crushed from some BS. I don't mind communicating the information to him; however, what if the chances are that the SHIM is, in fact, a SHE? Then I've communicated to him that I think his girl is a Ru-Paul rip off, he is going to be HOT, at the least, feeling hurt at the most.

I have considered just sending him an email of love, letting him know that in the world of dating, LET ALONE INTERNET DATING (which I have not tried, but I would assume,) is very easy to exhale. It's almost like folks that write you from jail - people are on their best behavior. They can create whoever they want to be. And to be careful and safe as he travels halfway across the country for love. I almost think that he HAS to go down there, and, if things do not turn out favorably, then that is a harsh, raw, lesson to be learned, and that he can move forward from there. I am hoping against hope that he hasn't met Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and I will certainly keep you posted.

Out of respect, I will not put the pictures up. I truly hope that he has found the woman of his dreams. I really hope that she is just an exotic, different looking kind of CHICK, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I would be the farm that this person is a MAN!

**UPDATED** I have a friend, who is a MASTER at all things internet related, including dating. I asked his advice about this as well (and showed him the pictures). He didn't necessarily agree with my pronouncement of her being a Wong Foo, but he did say, and I quote
: "I don't think this is a man. She looks OK, but something is not right. I added her to my IM and will try to see what the hell is up with this chick". And TRUSS! He will do it. . . He has NO shame :) THANKS, UNCLE B-LOVE!

What Should I Say/Do?


Aly Cat 121 said...

I'm such a nosy heffa of course I wanna see some dayum pics *shakin head*

And really maybe it's just your "gut" kickin in cuz ol' boy in love and ain't never, ever, ever laid eyes on or met in REAL life this person. How you in love and you cain't point the person outta a police line-up. Plus like you said, he ain't really trippin off the son but down for Texas.

Dayum now I wanna know what happens next. I told you I was nosy.

msdegrate1 said...

*smh* AND lmao...because I honestly think you should say something due to the fact that if things go wrong you better believe he will question you to death wanting to know if you knew something was foul all along...but you 'kilt' me with the man's hands w/ acrylic large LOL I'm sorry P this reeks of DISASTER and you have to let ol' boy know maybe drop just a lil hint

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...


I'mma need to message you about this one right here.

Hoo Lawd!

See what Uncle B finds out before you say anything.


Anonymous said...

This is too much! lol

I wouldn't say anything until Uncle B finds out something. Uncle B should just come right out and ask if she is really man. (you know act like that is what he's looking for).

Please keep us updated b/c like aly cat I'm nosy.

P said...

@ Aly: I'm lightweight nosey too (if there is such a thing), so I know where you are coming from.

@Msdegrate1: Yes, I want to say something, but dayum "your girl looks like a dude to me" WOW. I do want to warn him of the dangers and pain of internet dating. I mean hell I've seen enough Dateline MSNBC's to figure that much out.

@Harpo: Buhleeve me, Uncle B-Love will get down to the bottom of it, he has made that clear, especially if she accepts him as a friend, and like I said, he is a MASTER at all things internet.

@Southern Gal: I'll get him to post a comment on here if he finds out anything. I'm just as anxious as you. I just asked him does she has a myspace page so I can add her as a friend.

Aunt Jackie said...

having once tried internet dating i can say for certain that there's no way in the blue f*ck i would call myself in love with someone I'd been pillow talking with...

that's called fantasy land!

That Girl Tam said...

Nevermind that B-Love is a straight cyber-stalker, but yes...he WILL find the answers.

Damn shame @ SHIM. Almost mad you didn't post pics...could you at least SEND ME ONE? :D

I wanna see...

I've had my share of net dating while XL and I were separated and that shit ain't no joke. I had dudes hollerin love and it wasn't even LIKE that between us. People believe what they want to...and what you SAY versus what they HEAR are two totally different things.

Ick is she really is a he...

Rashan Jamal said...

Forget respect... Lets see the pictures. LOL

I'm mad that you got the whole scenario played out in your head already. 68 and I owe you one. LOL

Maybe suggest that he at least visit first before taking a job down there.

smoothie said...

you know BEING from Houston, it wouldnt take much for me to run a b/R on this person if you thought there was questions about them..

I can only hope things work out well for your friend.

Erica C. said...

Glory be da Jesus!!!

The only thing that comes to mind is Aerosmith's Dude Looks Like A Lady!

Wow, just wow!!!

That Girl Tam said...

Ok, because I asked nicely, I got to see a pic.

She ain't ugly or anything...but there's DEFINITELY something questionable about this ummm...chic. Hehehe...

Get to work B-Love...

Sha Boogie said...

Damn, I'm asking nicely like Tam!! I would say nothing, grown folk gonna do what they want regardless of what you say. He will think your hating..lol

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...



*laughing some more*

Whew Lawd!

Okay, the pic finally popped up! Dude is talking forever about a RuPaul-esque woMAN?

If it's TOO girly...it ain't one.

Aww Girrrl *sounding like Sugar from Ohio Players* (pun intended)

*feeling another giggle coming*

Sweet Jesus.

It's been a week. We need updates!

Carmell said...

yeah i think we need some evidence...

Nina MM said...

UPDATE on this please! This was hilarious. LOLOLOL

Disco said...

wow. not the "SHIM"! Well, P.... if you WANT to keep this person as a friend, I would step back and let fate play out, otherwise EVERYTHING negative will be your fault (in his eyes)..... and wait in the cut for ya boy to get his Columbo on..... :-) Please do an update when you have one! :-)