So, without further adieu, like to hear it, hear it goes. Here are the things, that will NOT get you any airplay on K-PAT FM. (For the purposes of this, we will have the FM stand for fuckometer).
Bad Breath - You can't even call that breath, you have to call it bad bref. You are NOT going to get to first base with me. How am I supposed to concentrate on anything else when you're humming commin at cha? You cannot tell me someone that is kicking butt and taking names with their breath can't smell it in their throat, or wisps of it permeating in the air and surrounding about them. If there are some hygienic issues, then go take care of that. We won't even go there with teeth, that's non negotiable.
Bad Shoes/Watch: A brother can manipulate his wardrobe accordingly. Often times a brother may have a job that requires him to be more casual than dress, and vice versa. With that said, keeping your wardrobe tight is a must. You don't have to P-Diddy yourself out, but you MUST keep the kicks and watch looking good. Turned over shoes and a Timex makes Jack a dull boy.
Indecisive Mofos: How I am to entrust you as my Captain, the head of the household, if you are sweating bullets about what to do? I'm not expecting for you to have all the answers, and even not to be concerned, but when it comes to decision making (whether it's as simple as making plans to go out, a repair in the home, or as intricate as a divested portfolio, or whether we should upgrade to a new home), I want you to value my opinion and honor me, yes, but don't turn to me like a beaach talking about "Babe, what we gone do?" Take charge of the situation, be the man that I need you to be, in order to bring out the best in me, and so forth. Stop being a punk!
Bad/Sloppy Kisser: Eew. Learn the dance. Rock with me. Lead the way, be dominant, passive, passionate, sensual, soft, rough, any of those variable. But don't jam your (sometimes cold) tongue down my throat, or have a juicy mouth before you even start. The sweetest kisses are sometimes the most powerful, but I'm not Vanessa Del Rio and this is not Porn/Tonguefest 2006.
Ugly Hands/Grooming: Now, let me qualify my statements: I don't want some beeach azz heteroquestionable mofo grooming his hands more than I do, but I do expect for the nails to be clipped (NOT bitten to the quick CLIPPED bitten nails signs of a serious nervous problem you need to handle), lotioned (we're not sharecroppers anymore, it doesn't take much $$ to do this) and groomed. I have a hand fetish, and I understand that men are more manual with their hands, but ugly hands on a wedding picture, as well as and in and around me creep me out.
Talking too Much: You are going to break the mood with "did you like this?" "did you come yet?", 'how do I make you feel?". Too.many.questions, this is not a quiz show. Be authoritative in your stance with me and let me know what YOU are going to do, HOW you are going to do it, and HOW much of it more do I like, and if I'm NOT nice (or naughty, however you want to role play it), then I'm NOT going to get it anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's Ok on occasion to ask do I like it, and how does it feel, because I want you to know what I like and what I want, but not to the point of distraction, and it causes me to break my concentration. Then I have to start all over again, y'all know what I mean.
I think we all have some of the same issues or variances thereof. So tell me:
What Puts you Out Cold?