Corporate America Jargon

The language of corporate America is a big dance. It's roots lie in being politically correct, in an arena where what, who, and how you say something can reverberate around the entire company.

In short, it sucks.

What happened to the days of old, where the beauty and color of language was a determinant of your personality, where everything wasn't offensive and deemed litigious? Now don't get me wrong, the expectation that you should be treated, male or female, with respect and dignity should be in place all the time. But the lingo that exists now doesn't change the connotation of things, they are only catch phrases that sound more rehearsed than authentic.

In short, it sucks. These are some of the more common corporate terms that are used, and accompanying them is what is really met.

"Going forward, we will want to approach it this way"
"You effed up and did it wrong, and this is how we want it done from now on"

"We would like for you to spearhead this project"
"We are swamped, we don't want to do this, and if you say no it won't look good, so do it."

"Due to the changing needs of the business, we are re-organizing the department and your position has been identified as a surplus job"
"You are getting laid off"

"Let's table and revisit this for the next meeting"
"I don't know what to do. And I don't like your ideas, either"

"I'm just calling to touch base."
"You're taking too long to get back to me"

"How can we implement best practices within the organization to prevent a recurrence?
"We fucked up. I'm scared."

"Someone dropped the ball."
"Whose responsible? Because I'm not"

"How will this impact us from a business perspective financially?"
"How much is all of this sheeat going to cost?"

"I'm going to defer this to the marketing department"
"This is not my job and why did you come to me for it?"

"I wanted to make sure that you were in the loop on this"
"I want to either make sure you are not blamed for something, or I want you to be accountable as well in case something goes down."

"We're going to have to think outside the box."
"This shit ain't working and we have to come up with something else"

"We want you to develop your problem solving skills for this project"
"This project is in chaos and we don't know how to get out of it"

"You're on the fast track at this company"
"You are a brown noser who will step on anyone to get there and the CEO likes that"

"We are culturally diverse"
"We made our quota of blacks, Mexicans, Asians and women. A few Native Americans, too"**

Those are my lingos for Corporate AmeriKKA. If you don't work in Corporate AmeriKKA, be glad. If you do, be afraid, be very, afraid.

**Note re: Mexicans. That is how all many non people of color see Latinos. Don't get it twisted. They may go as far as Puerto Rican, but not too far.

Do you have any to share? Do you concur with these?

Live, this is P reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.