Monday, November 13, 2006

Trouble Standard

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I have always expressed discomfort with double standards. Not because I am this "I am woman, hear me roar", but because I have always believe that it is damaging to both genders. I think women utilize them even more heavily than some men do, often times selectively choosing the standard that is appropriate for their needs.

I feel bad for some of the brothers! They don't know if what they do is seen as overly aggressive, passive, or anything in between, based upon the variance of attitudes that women have (liberal, moderate, conservative). As for the 'fairer' sex (hehe), sometimes we can't feel out way through, seeing one thing and then hearing another, or vice versa.

I couldn't think of a fancier way to say this, so here are some of the double standards that get on my nerves: Those that are not fair to EITHER ONE OF US. I have a lot of the ones that are unfair to the guys in there, because I think they catch a lot of flack from this as well, but it's indoctrinated in our cultures, effecitively psychologically castrating them. Might not go that far, but using the phrase 'psychologically castrating' makes me appear to be somewhat intellectual. So, without further adieu, like to hear it, hear it goes:

If a woman has custody of her children, then nothing of it. If a man has custody of his children, then something 'really' must have been wrong with the mother, (versus him just being the more appropriate one to rear the child).

If a man takes care of a woman and showers her with gifts, he is taking care of business and keeping his woman happy. If a woman does it, she's stupid and being taken advantage of (as if someone can MAKE you do this).

A woman cheats; its emotional; a man cheats, it's purely sexual.

If a man is agressive in the work force, he has a take charge attitude; if a woman does it, she's overly ambitious and a bitch, to boot.

A man opens the door for you, he is a gentleman. But if he encounters a "I am woman hear me roar" woman, she thinks he is being condescending. So, he doesn't open the door for a woman, and then he's considered unthoughtful. (Poor guy can't win).

A girl wears a "Boys Are Dumb" t-shirt; folks laugh; a man wears "Girls are Dumb", he's sexist and ran out of town.

A man sleeps with a lot of women - well, that's da MAN! A woman does it, she's the freak of the week!

If the woman seeks alimony, well, hell, she should, all that she had to put up with. If a man seeks spousal support, he's a pussy, whoremongering gold-digger.

A man dates a younger woman; he can't handle a 'real woman'; a woman dates a younger man, then she's just exploring her options and meeting a mate compatible with her sexual energy.

Woman tries to get in an all male academy - well, she SHOULD be let in, why not? Man tries to get into an all-female academy, well, he's up to something, just trying to make a point, and THIS SHOULDN'T BE TOLERATED!!

If a man is angry, something must have really made him mad; if a woman is angry, she must be PMS'ing.

If a man keeps a woman 'in check', he's controlling. If a woman keeps a man in check, she's being strong, or keeping him in line (or, she could be married to Doug Christie)

Guys 'get' a girl pregnant. (Like he's a sexual predator or something).

Brokeback Mountain? UGH! Beyonce starring in a lesbo movie w/Eva Longoria? Well, that's another story!

Speaking of sexual predators; if a teacher has an affair with an underage girl and get's her pregnant, he's a sick bastard that deserves to be put under the jail. If a teacher (female) does it to an underage boy, then she's bipolar (with a husband named Vili).

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Whether or not I AGREE with any of these is NOT THE POINT HERE!!!! (hehe). I'm just sayin. . .

So, Ladies, and Gentleman, boys and girls. . .

Any double standards you've experienced? Have you thought/used/been a victim of any of the above? Open Forum!


Miz JJ said...

I definitely get the bitch one at work. Dudes at my work are rude and call out in meetings cutting off our female senior manager. Let a woman try that and she is pushy and a bitch. It sucks.

P said...

@ Miz JJ.

Personally, I get along better with male managers.

Sometimes, I wonder does a woman cross the line between agressive and bitchy, which don't have to be the same things.

Also, sometimes I wonder if a man crosses the line between being sensitve and a pussy.

I'm just sayin.

chele said...

Alot of these are based on the old school rules ... holding the door open, men showering women with gifts ... etc. I like some of them.

However, I don't appreciate being characterized as a controlling shrew because I date younger men. I'm just saying!

P said...

@ Chele:

Everything on here doesn't mean that I agree/disagree with it, so what you say makes sense,

Hey. . .Is Chele trying to get her groove back. . .


Terry said...

Hang on while I drag out my soapbox.

"If a woman has custody of her children, then nothing of it. If a man has custody of his children, then something 'really' must have been wrong with the mother, (versus him just being the more appropriate one to rear the child)."

This one makes my skin crawl. The Ex and I decided that our Son should stay with me for logistical reason. It was what was best for everyone. The Ex is an absolutely outstanding Mother and she and my Son are extremely close. For years it was assumed that either she couldn't or wouldn't take care of our Son simply because he lives with me. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Folks need to stop making assumptions. As you said, sometimes it just makes more sense for Dad to take care of the housing situation.

Okay, I'll put my soapbox away now.

T. Cas said...

I'm all for perpetuating that double standard about the Beyonce/Eva lesbian movie. Can I get a bootleg? LOL

But seriously, your list is pretty much all encompassing. I can't think of anything else.

P said...

@ the Cas.


Hay: Whatchoogonedowif the bootleg copy. . . :P

African girl, American world said...

P I'm still steaming from an incident that happened over 10 yrs ago. The husband (boyfriend at the time) joined a gym together. 2 accounts. The owner of the gym turned my name into a collection agency when they screwed up putting it through my bank acct (which they screwed up in the process). Same thing happened with my husband and don't you know they didn't as much as give him a phone call just because he was an athlete associated with the University!!!

P said...


You're triggering an incident that is bringing on another post. . .

Stereotyping. . .Man, has it happened to me like you couldn't imagine.

Peach said...

If a woman has custody of her children, then nothing of it. If a man has custody of his children, then something 'really' must have been wrong with the mother, (versus him just being the more appropriate one to rear the child).

this is unfortunately usually the case. It is ROUGH for a man to get full custody, he HAS to prove the mother unfit. OR if the mother hands over their kids...witch i could never willingly do. So most of the time, something terrible happend with mama.

everything else was ON POINT lol

Genesis said...

im maaaaad late with this comment, but i had 2 add my 2 cents.

black man dates light skinned, white or anything but black woman...he's a self hating negro.

when a black woman dates a white, light or anything but black dude...dont nobody say nothing then.