Now that y'all have gotten past the picture, you are now free to read the post. :P
Years ago when I was a teenager, (and I do mean years - as in January Old Skool Joint years ago), I thought I was doing something by working 'security' at the 3rd Annual (YEP, I said it) Soul Train Music Awards. I wasn't doing anything but supposedly guarding Patti Labelle and Dionne Warwick's door (read: Gawking over Bobby Brown and Guy). It was there that I laid eyes on one of the finest men I had ever met, who was also on vacation, was in the Navy, and lived out in Los Angeles, who also happened to be doing 'security' at the awards show. He approached me and I gave him my number.
Our relationship didn't quite pan out to be boyfriend and girlfriend/but after our pillow talk died out, (hehe) we remained good friends.
In 1999, he became disabled and is now in a wheelchair (freak accident playing baseball). It was difficult for me to go see him at first, because I knew him to be one way, and then he was now another. It was another good friend of mines who told me "If you think it's hard for you, think what it must be like for HIM". That prompted me to see him.
We were IM'ing the other night, and I had my picture up. I haven't talked to him in awhile due to work, school, and other scheduling conflicts (men), but I had been thinking about him and wanting to see him. So I reached out to him. He told me that he is now driving. We continued on our little conversation, and he's telling me that my picture is taking his breath away, and that I'm looking good ((insert awkward stare here)). So, me being, me, I decide to turn on my web came (nothing sordid, y'all, just so that he could see me), and so once again, we are just continuing on with light banter, me asking about his kids (he's a single father), his parents, etc. Then the conversation shifts. (This is a condensed version below):
J: "So when are we going to go out?"
J: When are we going to go out. Let's go out.
P: "Oh, whenever, I mean it's cool, sure, we can hang out". (WTF else was I supposed to say?).
J: "Tuck your hair behind your ears".
P: "Ok." (I then do it). "Why, Big, J, you can't see my face or sumpin?"
J: "No, I'm trying to find the spot that I'm going to kiss"
((Insert WTF stare on my face, but trying to play it off because I'm on webcam)).
I wrapped up the conversation w/o really confirming a day and time, and that was that. I don't know why I was embarrassed by what happened, but I was.
Now, I'm not one for discriminating. I remember seeing this fine azz mofo at my school that was just ridiculous looking, and he was in a wheelchair. I was looking at him I ain't gone lie. I think I was intrigued as to what happened that landed him there.
But this, this is different. I don't have those kinds of feelings for him anymore. Not one bit. I didn't feel that way BEFORE the accident; I haven't for a very long time. He wants to go out, but I don't know in what manner, and I don't want to have to karate chop this boy. . .And I certainly don't want him to get the impression that I am turning him down because he is in a chair. But my thoughts have been of what his personal life must be like now, what may be going through his mind (his girlfriend left him about a year after all this went down - I don't know WHAT his dating life has been like sense) - I mean, y'all this man is PHOINE; he certainly had his issues of women beating down his door with a stick. . .And because of him, I've been more cognizant of folks that are in chairs, including the guy that I saw at my school, and I started wondering: How many beautiful girls and guys are in chairs and are overlooked/ignored? Are they date-able, desireable, attractive (sexually), and would I want to hook up with one (the male one). I don't have an answer to that, because I've never been in that position. I wonder what would have happened to me had he had this accident while we were together? As for me, and for him, right now, I'm simply not interested.
These people have beauty contests, marathons, dating services, driving, and hold productive jobs and contribute just as we do. It's not uncommon to see them in very good shape, sometimes even better than us!
So, the twenty thousand dollar question is:
Would you date a disabled person? (Whatever the disability may be). . .Would you give them some? Be honest or anonymous. . .