Monday, June 05, 2006

Burying the Hatchet - Open Letter to UOP

My personal friends and family all know I've got beef with the University of Phoenix. No particular reason, just one of those "It Was Written" moments of this is what I do and don't like about this or that.

Before I get started on my rants, I want to apologize for anything in advance I say to anyone who goes here. The opinions that are represented here are the views of K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network and are not necessarily those of Blogger and it's subsidiaries.

This weekend, I attended the graduation ceremonies of the University of Phoenix. The events leading up to and including the graduation only fueled my Death Wish of this school.

The event was at the Anaheim Convention Center , a humongous monstrosity of a complex. I drove up and HAD.TO.PAY.FOR.PARKING. I'm like ain't this a bitch. I was sweating bullets (literally and figuratively) because, I already KNEW that I had to pay for my ticket and had less than twenty in my purse, but I found this chick slanging tickets while I was trying to park in the sweltering parking lot - and I got it for three dollars off.

At the Anaheim Convention Center, if you don't get a parking spot close to your venue, you have to walk a full country mile just to get to your location. Me being me, wore these four inch high heeled BCBG pumps. (Hey, it matched the halter shirt, pants, and lip gloss it all went together okay?)

It was standing room only. I had to almost get the Teamsters union involved in getting a seat, jockeying with this Mexican chick who tried to hoo-bang on a half of row of seats, waiting for her family from Tijuana to arrive. I was like "Listen, this is the here and NOW, when they come I will move", and promptly planted my black ass right on the corner seat and looked at her like What. This only added fuel to my personal drive of taking the UOP down. The element of folks that was there was unbelievable. People shoving, yelling, slanging teddy bears and balloons for a million dollars a pop. The graduation ran by with the force of a sister running through the rain with no umbrella, hell if I would have blinked I would have missed it.

But through it all, I saw a friend, who has NEVER been able to finish anything that she started; a friend who went through one junior college after another, only to quit mid semester, and, at best, one semester. Granted, I am still not interested in the power-point laden, study group driven, real life experiences that the school offers, but this graduation was a BIG deal to her, and if it was a big deal to her, then dammit, it's a big deal to me.

Yes, the heat walking a country mile to and fro from my car wreaked havoc on my wrapped coiffure. Yes, I ended up scooting over to accommodate the girls family who finally arrived from Mexico. The man that I was sitting next to couldn't decide whether he wanted to watch the rest of the ceremony or look for my bluetooth. And it's all because of you, UOP. But for now, I am extending the olive branch. I have a personal vendetta against you, yes, and I rank you with the likes of Bryman and Barbizon (these are local schools, y'all). BUT, for my friend's family, to take pictures with her, to see other families who were happy and co-signing with their families, was well worth it.

Cost of Parking at the Anaheim Convention Center: $9.00

Cost of the Ticket at the Anaheim Convention Center: $7.00

Cost of a fourth a tank of gas going back and forth with air conditioner blazing: $15.00

Going to a school graduation that is publicly traded on the NASDAQ: Priceless.

Live from LA, this is P, reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

20 comments:

J. G. said...

LOL country mile, your the bes!!! What a day to remember everything was priceless! LOL.

The Phoenix aka ThatGirlTam said...

Hey P...did you know any former CHEERLEADERS that may have gone to Bryman or Barbizon??

Glad you're making peace with UOP! HAHAHAHAH!

P said...

@ The Phoenix.

You ain't funny, bitch.

chele said...

Oh what we will endure for the ones we call "friend".

T. Cas said...

I might have had to catch her at the after party, or at the buffet dinner. cuz you know we was going to have a big family dinner after the ceremony. Glad you made it through for you friend.

Miss Ahmad said...

So the shoes matched the breasts P?

That's hot!

I mean really hot!!

P said...

T Cas:

It was a hot mess.

Unruly Brown said...

Okay, why did I really stop reading at the shoes matched the breasts in a SINCERE effort to try to visualize how in the hee-zell that might go. Here is one of my scenarios I came up with and subconsciously decided to go with: The shoes had glitter things on 'em. The breasts had glittery lotion or maybe some regular lotion with some actual pieces of glitter flicked here and there. See, makes sense to meeeee!!

I feel you re: UOP though. But then imagine this: Colorado Tech and Kaplan are far WORSE AND cost more!!!

bunny said...

Awww P you's a good friend to go through all that madness, good friend indeed.

I'm still laughing @U sitting down and looking at her like WHAT?

nikki said...

lol@country mile...in heels? i'd be done walking for at least a week.

that's such a wonderful accomplishment for your friend. i guess that's what folk'll be saying about me when i finally get my degree...hopefully before dubya's grandchild takes office (cuz you know that's gonna happen, right/).

P said...

@ Nikki:

See.

I'm a different kind of nucca. I appreciate the celebration of a degree (I have one myself) but I don't measure people by that, because when it comes to matters of the heart, that has no value to me, and neither does money.

Life begins and ends with the soul. Reputation is what other people think of you; character is who you are, and no amount of degress can overshadow that.

You are a beautiful writer who writes as eloquently and full fledged as any degreed person I've ever seen, even above and beyond. That's a talent, and that cannot be manufactured.

Cocoa Girl said...

Girl...blogger ate my joint. LOL

Anyhoo... I feel ya on the country mile point. These NYC folks do not understand that there is a hellafied difference between a block here and a some sheyot in Ala.

Also, great point made to Nikki. Too many folks fail to realize such...self included.

DP said...

there is ONE bush left with a chance for the oval office...


The lil brown boy...Prescott.

After him...forget it...too many young folk who grew up in this nonsense to elect another bush.


as for UoP...i just cant imagine going to a school with no atheletic program...have you ever seen a UoP t-shirt?

I congratulate you though...Paper is Paper...and you got one...

now if i can just get the 4in BCBG heels out of my head..damn shoe fetish.

Supa said...

you kilt it with Bryman and Barbizon. Oh my....

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

I understand your frustation for UOP. I contact them once for information. One of the advisors called me back trying to get me to pay a fee and enroll that day. All I wanted was information. He didn't give me time to absord the info he gave me but wanted me to sign up right after he gave me the info. He called 4 days straight till I had to cuss his ass out. I let him know he ruined it by being so aggressive with the situation. Then after that every other week I got a call from them.

Last week my man contacted them. Just last Thursday, he had 5 missed calls from them. Then Friday other 3 missed calls.

UOP is a pain in the ass!

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

LOL, priceless in deed!

Sangindiva said...

I just love your blog and writing style...
It's like chillin' at your house having a bomb ass conversation!

Msnhim said...

LMAO.... 4 inch heels huh?

Me said...

hey hey lady !

The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

aww!! that's what friends are for right? good post...