Buy personal concert tickets on your corporate credit card.
Purchase a brand new CLK when there is a grand total of 78K missing from the deposit slips when you were on shift each and every time closing.
Over the course of several years, get mad, say "I'm done, I quit", and then stalk off and leave and come back and say "I'm just playing, I'm not mad no more". (Sidebar: And GET mad when we (er THEY) term you out the system.
Break up with the guy in sales after he buys you a new pair of twins, and then wonder why he's so frustrated.
Steal money from the safe, indicating you have cancer, and then we check the records and find out you have full medical insurance, then admit you need the money for rent.
Play pocket pool in the lobby foyer of the corporate offices, pointing the "pool stick" at women who pass by.
Close the shop up for a few hours to go across the street to watch the playoff games, leaving a sign on the door indicating “If you need us, call ((insert bar name here))".
Buy the entire call center section that services your department (30 plus people) lunch and pass out “Jesus Loves You” buttons.
Go out on workers compensation, saying that your manager is racist against black folks without looking at the picture of her BLACK husband and BI-RACIAL children plastered on the walls.
Get Mad at your schedule, tell your store manager “Meet me outside in five minutes”.
Bring your wife and child in while you work on the weekends to hang out in the managers office, eat, and talking on the phone.
Borrow 1200.00 from an Executive, telling him you did-ent get your check, (when you did), and are nowhere to be found when it's time to re-coup the money.
Get free lunches from the cafeteria for yourself and your friends because you are the facilities manager.
Look up celebrities cell phone numbers and call them to see if it is, in fact, "Them".
Smoke the Sticky-Icky right before you come back from lunch.
Use the company-issued gas card to buy candy and treats at the local gas stations.
Pay your phone bill with a customer's credit card.
This is how you keep your job. Cocoa Girl on the job also gives you tips on how to know when you are going to get the boot.
What do you think about this list? Any interesting fiascos happen on your job that were the kiss of death for others - Maybe even you?
Live (and back, bitches) in LA, this is P, reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.