Monday, March 13, 2006

Co-Workers from Hell

I remember, on the Kings of Comedy, I believe, that DL Hughley said that there is always one co-worker where you are this close to whipping their a$$. Of course, considering that the audience roared with laughter, and he also mentioned "Well, if you're not laughing, you are probably the one that everybody doesn't like".

Yes, that co-worker. The crazy, deranged, coworker. The tattletale, the one that will throw you under the bus. The hoverer, the finger pointer, the resident kiss ass, and anything in between. You name it, we've got them. I've got a few that is this close to going on workers compensation with me.

Co-worker number one: She's an administrative assistant. She thunders down here on a regular basis, hoo-banging on either my supervisor, or myself. She constantly makes a mountain out of a molehill and tries to monopolize your time on a bunch of tomfoolery she can handle on her own. She is never at her desk, because everytime she needs something, she barrels down to the department in question and hovers at their desk until at least they give her a tentative answer. She generally doesn't deal with me unless absolutely necessary. She has told other people in and out of my department that I hate her. I do not hate her. I just don't respond to her hoo-banging, and she knows that.

Co-worker number two: The girl is a hot mess. She is classic for throwing people under the bus. I don't deal with her at all. One time, she asked where does a computer get returned to for a resigning employee. I referred her to the IT department. She then proceeded to rant and rave about how, because I work in HR, it is MY job to do this and that she shouldn't have to run around and figure this out. She cc'd my supervisor and hers. First off, I'm not IT, who do I look like, Dilbert? Second, you return old computers to the IT department. Third, just so all of you know, I'm not a big fan of cc'ing folks, unless they need to be included in the email for FYI purposes. Do not do it to CYA. The CYA IS your email. And if you think that cc'ing your supervisor and mines is going to make me jump you have another thing coming, I'm not intimidated by your supervisor or mines, so you can just forget that. I actually told my supervisor "You can respond to her, because I KNOW you don't want me to!" She has also been well documented (and J to the G) can testify to this, as to throwing her own department employees under the bust, getting them this close to being disciplined and/or terminated.

Co-worker number three: Chronic Complainer. Nothing is ever right for her. She is also an administrative assistant, who complains about her pay on a regular basis. She is upset that she is getting _______________ amount of money less than other admins. Look, you signed on the dotted line for your amount, and they negotiated for another amount. Is your department head REALLY supposed to up the ante on your salary nearly 20 percent (which is what she wants) because you don't like what you are getting paid. One, develop some more skill sets other than sashaying around the office talking about your pay. Then you will have the ammo to present a salary increase, instead of balking about your pay. That taints your character. Two, secure other employement if you are dissatisfied with your pay that much. Finally, what kind of precedent does she think that this will make if they just give her a 20 percent pay increase on GP? If that's the case, I want one, too.

Co-worker number four: He asks you these 'don't be afraid to ask dumb questions' questions, and then wonder why you are staring at him in disbelief. Such as "My bank won't cash my checks anymore because I put in the payroll system my nickname instead of my birthname", or "If employees get paid unlimited jury duty how many days is that", or "Why should I let my employees have a stress day off - Even though they were robbed at gunpoint, no one was hurt".

Co-worker number five: Sometime during the day, she will repeat something that you said where you KNOW you weren't talking that loud. Does it with you and everyone else. She also notices if she THINKS you have on something new, or if someone came in late, or if someone has been on the phone a little too much. Man, relax, go get some, do something, but stay out of grown folks bidness!

Co-worker number six: Passenger/Shotgun/Jailhouse HR Consultant. They attempt to recite what is going on in the HR world via the Labor Law Manual, or proceed to recite what they know out of the union book. Problem is, they conveniently leave out any caveats, or recite it improperly, but it sure sounds good to the lay person, who tries to use it as ammunition. Example Employee: "The union contract says that I get sick pay". HR (me:)"Yes it does, but if you have less than one year of service, the entire time is unpaid". Shut the eff up.

Had to be said, enough said.

So, who is your co-worker from hell, past or present? Do tell. . .

22 comments:

J. G. said...

GIRL I AGREE WITH THESE...BUT YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE CO-WORKER THAT THINKS SHE GODS GIFT TO EVERYONE!! THIS GIRL BUGS THE HELL OUT OF ME ITS TO BAD THAT I HAVE TO PACK ON THE LIP GLOSS TO KISS HER ASS SINCE SHE DOES SIGN MY CHECKS. SHE IS LOUD AND SHE ALWAYS HAS TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. SHE WORKS WITH THE DOOR CLOSED AND YOU CAN STILL HEAR HER!

Msnhim said...

I have you co-worker # 5 only she feels the need to buzz me every time she has to go to the bathroom..... why? I dont know. No one ever looks for her. so why she feels the need to let me know "just in case" is beyond me. LOL

Cool AC said...

I could not have read this post at a mor apporpriate time. One of my co-workers just asked me to do some stuff he really could do. I hate LAZY questions and LAZY taskers. He knows full well he could have done it himself, but he ask me to do it. And then tried to butter me up, like AC can you do me a favor? He is not THAT busy!

T. Cas said...

I got all of these at my job and let me add two:

The women who tries to flaunt her sexuality to get what she wants. I'm not Clarence Thomas. You can stop pointing your breasts at me.

People who leave work early and then complain about not having money. They come to me saying "why am I missing 8 hours on my check?" I be like, because you left early 4 days in a row.

Supa said...

In the famous words of P: Ewww, I don't like your co-workers!!!

Girl, you've got all the basic, twisted office personalities down. Sorry you have to work with the nutfucks, but I can't help ya. I've got my own nutfucks to deal with....

"tomfoolery" - hee! love that word.

lmao@ T. Casanova.

Paula D. said...

Well dayum! You nailed the descriptions of most of the people I work with. Is it Friday yet?

nikki said...

no stress day after being held up at gunpoint? what kind of idiot is he???

and i thought my co-workers were bad. after reading this post, i'm glad i'm not working where you at, cuz i'd have killed someone by now.

Dee said...

The one who stands in the doorway 2 my office and just stands!!!!

"what's up? do you need something?"

dumbass: wheres boss lady?(me and boss lady shared a tiny office)

"she's in a meeting"

dumbass: STILL STANDING THERE SILENT

"is there something I can do for you"

dumbass: nah STILL STANDING THERE

SO I JUST TURN AND STARE BACK AT DUMBASS!!!!

THIS ONE KILLS ME!!! They come in the office and sit at boss ladys desk and look at my monitor to see what i'm looking at!!!!! GO AWAY!!!!

I leave the office and come back someones sitting at my desk talking 2 boss lady............PLEASE GET OUTTA MY SEAT WHEN YOU SEE ME COME BACK!!!!! don't continue your convo while i stand there waiting for you 2 finish your bullshit story!!!!! unless this is offical biddness...........get your ass up!!!!!

Dee said...

ask janice how come I can't comment???? Is it just me????

That Girl Tam said...

Dang do you like ANYONE you work with other than Janice?

That Girl Tam said...

Oh...you like my boy Oscar...so basically, the Mexicans are cool...lol HAHAHAA

And how gay is it that everyone there calls you "PAT"??? I hate that!

P said...

@Janice: Janice - You know the deal and how whack it is with these fools.

@Paula Dee: Considering you work in HR - you will want to read the "A Day in the Life of HR" post fo sho.

@Tam: I don't even look like a Pat that's what whack about it. I'm too sexy for my shirt so sexy, yeah.

As for who I like. You would be about right.

Cocoa Girl said...

Girl, you know that I KNOW what you're talking about. I am glad to say, however, that I work with some pretty sane (read boring) folks. However, my boss is a little "I'll fight a black girl cuz I'm from Long Island."

Nice post...BTW, I LOVE Tomfoolery! Gotta cop that one!

Jaimie said...

The AP of my school. She has no people skills. She still lives at home with her parents and she's running a school. She wears fishnet stockings and stillettos to school. She looks me up and down, and then tries to play it off as a compliment. She follows the principal around like a puppy dog. I could go on and on.

P said...

Jaimie:

THE AP of your school sounds like my brother's ex wife!!

dpm said...

Yo. I used to work for an AIDS organization and I was like the st8 Black dude. Eveyone else was either a white girl or a gay male other.
I hated that shit. This one gay dude who sat next to me would have pin ups of dudes on the wall.
And I'm like, "If I did that shit, it'd be sexual harrasment."

In other words you forgot the gay alliance employee. I hated them all. Not because they were gay but because they just got on my damn nerves!

And to hear them gossip!? Damn N$@#&! Don't nobody wnat to hear that.

African girl, American world said...

the one that wants to tell you their same life story every single day!!!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

im lucky, i dont have too many co-workers, i guess we scientist have what ya cal peers - go figure , u had me rolling AGAIN

The Humanity Critic said...

Man, reading about your co-workers makes me want to go to work tomorrow and start beating some ass..lol

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

All of those you describe are TRUE COWORKERS FROM HELL, Damn!

Thank goodness I do not have any coworkers like that yet, at least not that I have noticed yet. I'm just approaching the 3-month mark so I have not figured everyone out.

Serenity23 said...

I have a co-worker right now who is new. Now I've been on the job only 1 1/2 months, so I'm new as well. He insists on asking me questions about everything, even when I tell him to ask the lady in charge b/c I'm new as well. He just doesn't seem to get it.

Whirlwind said...

Please refer to my archived post on my blog titled "My co-worker is a crackhead"

The girl was a straight up train wreck of a mess!

~W