Co-Workers from Hell

I remember, on the Kings of Comedy, I believe, that DL Hughley said that there is always one co-worker where you are this close to whipping their a$$. Of course, considering that the audience roared with laughter, and he also mentioned "Well, if you're not laughing, you are probably the one that everybody doesn't like".

Yes, that co-worker. The crazy, deranged, coworker. The tattletale, the one that will throw you under the bus. The hoverer, the finger pointer, the resident kiss ass, and anything in between. You name it, we've got them. I've got a few that is this close to going on workers compensation with me.

Co-worker number one: She's an administrative assistant. She thunders down here on a regular basis, hoo-banging on either my supervisor, or myself. She constantly makes a mountain out of a molehill and tries to monopolize your time on a bunch of tomfoolery she can handle on her own. She is never at her desk, because everytime she needs something, she barrels down to the department in question and hovers at their desk until at least they give her a tentative answer. She generally doesn't deal with me unless absolutely necessary. She has told other people in and out of my department that I hate her. I do not hate her. I just don't respond to her hoo-banging, and she knows that.

Co-worker number two: The girl is a hot mess. She is classic for throwing people under the bus. I don't deal with her at all. One time, she asked where does a computer get returned to for a resigning employee. I referred her to the IT department. She then proceeded to rant and rave about how, because I work in HR, it is MY job to do this and that she shouldn't have to run around and figure this out. She cc'd my supervisor and hers. First off, I'm not IT, who do I look like, Dilbert? Second, you return old computers to the IT department. Third, just so all of you know, I'm not a big fan of cc'ing folks, unless they need to be included in the email for FYI purposes. Do not do it to CYA. The CYA IS your email. And if you think that cc'ing your supervisor and mines is going to make me jump you have another thing coming, I'm not intimidated by your supervisor or mines, so you can just forget that. I actually told my supervisor "You can respond to her, because I KNOW you don't want me to!" She has also been well documented (and J to the G) can testify to this, as to throwing her own department employees under the bust, getting them this close to being disciplined and/or terminated.

Co-worker number three: Chronic Complainer. Nothing is ever right for her. She is also an administrative assistant, who complains about her pay on a regular basis. She is upset that she is getting _______________ amount of money less than other admins. Look, you signed on the dotted line for your amount, and they negotiated for another amount. Is your department head REALLY supposed to up the ante on your salary nearly 20 percent (which is what she wants) because you don't like what you are getting paid. One, develop some more skill sets other than sashaying around the office talking about your pay. Then you will have the ammo to present a salary increase, instead of balking about your pay. That taints your character. Two, secure other employement if you are dissatisfied with your pay that much. Finally, what kind of precedent does she think that this will make if they just give her a 20 percent pay increase on GP? If that's the case, I want one, too.

Co-worker number four: He asks you these 'don't be afraid to ask dumb questions' questions, and then wonder why you are staring at him in disbelief. Such as "My bank won't cash my checks anymore because I put in the payroll system my nickname instead of my birthname", or "If employees get paid unlimited jury duty how many days is that", or "Why should I let my employees have a stress day off - Even though they were robbed at gunpoint, no one was hurt".

Co-worker number five: Sometime during the day, she will repeat something that you said where you KNOW you weren't talking that loud. Does it with you and everyone else. She also notices if she THINKS you have on something new, or if someone came in late, or if someone has been on the phone a little too much. Man, relax, go get some, do something, but stay out of grown folks bidness!

Co-worker number six: Passenger/Shotgun/Jailhouse HR Consultant. They attempt to recite what is going on in the HR world via the Labor Law Manual, or proceed to recite what they know out of the union book. Problem is, they conveniently leave out any caveats, or recite it improperly, but it sure sounds good to the lay person, who tries to use it as ammunition. Example Employee: "The union contract says that I get sick pay". HR (me:)"Yes it does, but if you have less than one year of service, the entire time is unpaid". Shut the eff up.

Had to be said, enough said.

So, who is your co-worker from hell, past or present? Do tell. . .