I think there are three times in my life that I've done things that are absolutely ridiculous. Sidebar: Whether or not your believe in parents spanking children is not the issue here, so if you take issue with that you are welcome to take it up with Fox News Sundays, Anderson Cooper 360 , or America's Black Forum.
So, I've listed my top three eff ups that have landed me in the hot seat (pun intended). I've left out the resident not coming inside on time, calling long distance number you didn't have any business doing, and not doing your chores. For me, these are the top three doozies:
Eff Up Number One: Second Grade. I went with my mother to my sisters junior high school Open House. Me, being me, and the baby of the family that I am, they were showing off all of my sisters awards and what not, and nobody was paying attention to me. I tried to get her attention, and she paid attention - to a point. But bottom line, she was there for my sister's open house. So, again, me not understanding the consequences and repercussions of what I was about to do, proceed to do something that is going to really get her attention. SO, I proceed to sit down on the floor (over my pleather coat), and pee. Yes, ladies and gentleman, not only did I pee on my pleather coat, but right on the floor of the library. My mother saw it seeping out from behind the jacket. Needless to say, I got it, and I got it good when I got home. I actually thought I was smooth sailing because I had taken a bath, dried off, and put on my clothes. My father spanked me that night. That was actually the first and last time that he did so (remember, I wasn't like a Bebe Kid or anything - I was pretty good).
Eff Up Number Two: Third Grade, Age Eight. This is the one that I call the grand-daddy of them all. Chucky, the neighborhood Billy Bad Ass, was across the street throwing pennies in the street. Of course, people were running into the street, grabbing them and waiting for more. I wasn't outside; however, I WAS witnessing what he was doing from the second story window of our house. Once again, me being the attention whore child that I was. I wasn't being the center of attention, decided that I wanted to 'one-up' him. So, what do I do. . .I go into my oldest sister's (18 years) room and grab her jar of silver dollars, gold coins, etc., and proceed to throw them in the air. Of course, this caused some PANDEMONIUM with the five to six kids that thought they had hit the jackpot, who in the fuuuck did I think I was the friggin Wiz making dreams come true or something? Did I mention that my sister's jewerly and class ring were in there, too. Yeah.
Well, who comes strolling down the street, and messes up all the fun. My middle sister (AKA the Family Stone). She was the girl on the block, that everybody was scared of. She screamed for everyone to put the money down and then she told me "Ooh, immatellmama!" I was so scared.
My mother was pissed. She called all the parents of the kids who had the loot, and dragged me to all the homes (they were on the same block) and had me retrieve the goods. Then I got spanked from one house to the next.
Yeah, I had that one coming.
Eff up number three: I was in the seventh grade, and my BFF at that time was Kim. She asked me to come over after school, and I said okay. (Nevamind that my momma told me to come straight home). But I liked Kim's house because they always had good sandwich bread and meat and we could have BBQ Lays chips and drinks. We went to her house and watched the Edge of Night, ABC Afterschool Special, then Video one, and then hung outside and played for awhile. Around six thirty, Kim's mom came home. She told me that she would take me home in about an hour. So about seven I decided to call my mom (FOR THE FIRST TIME. . .SCHOOL LET OUT AT 2:45 and let her know that I would be home around seven forty five. My mother was hot. She was like "You are going to get a whooping when you get home". I snickered. In my mind, I was like "Yeah, right, what YOU gone do, I'm twelve years old, okaaayy?" Man, as soon as I got in the door, it was on. . .That actually, was the last spanking I ever got. I don't even think that was a spanking, that was a whoopin.
So, readership, now it's your turn.
What sit-chi-a-shuns have gotten your behind in hot water? Spanking or no, I just wanna here the eff-ups.