Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I was reading Supa's post about getting out of jury duty, and I started hyperlinking into different posts and topics regarding her sister. This was before I was in the blogging community, so I had no idea of the tragic circumstances surrounding her sister.

That got me to thinking. Here is a woman that desperately misses her sister, and has to live without her physically every day for the rest of her natural life on this earth.

And, here I have a sister who I wish was dead.

I should not say that. I don't actually literally feel that way, but because I can be honest on here, I'm telling, you theoretically, that I often wonder would it be better, at least, if her children KNEW where she was. Lately, as it is going on four years of her being gone, would that be better.

She got out of jail on Saturday in Las Vegas, where she has lived for the past four years, and she called me house, did not say hi, did not say anything, but scream in my ear "Do you know where momma is?" Well, that triggered so many emotions in me, one of which was "Bitch, this is MY phone; don't call my house asking where momma is", and proceeded to slam the phone down in her face, well, as dramatic as you can slam down a cordless phone, doesn't give off the same effect, yanno?

Both my aunt and my dad told my mother (and this was confirmed through my caller ID as well), that she was calling from a '925' area code. 925 area code out here is in Northern California/San Francisco/Pleasanton California area. Well, for the past four years, she has 'resided' for lack of a better word, in Las Vegas. My mother, being the naive (not dumb, just naive to the seedy ways of the world - and people), is puzzled as to why she is now in Northern California, and is now wondering if she is trying to 'work' her way back home.

I don't have the heart to tell her that my sister probably headed out of dodge as soon as she got out of jail, and that she probably set up shop in another major metropolitan, considering the police probably have harassed her enough there. I don't have the heart to tell her that her daughter is a whore, and that they move around in areas once they keep getting caught. I don't have the heart to tell her that if her daughter does not straighten up, very soon she will end up in jail, or worse.

With that said, I feel Supa's pain, but I cannot relate. I never had that type of positive relationship with my sister, at least not to memory. She was always easily influenced. The Family Stone was stealing by the age of nine, smoking by the age of thirteen, ditching at the age of 15, a mother by the age of 19, getting investigated on her job for theft by the age of 23, and whatever else you can think of. She used my checks when I was 19 up to 300.00, causing me to lose my bank account for five years and get on chex systems. She used my name on the subway, got caught evading fare, used my name, and I ended up having a warrant for my arrest. She missed my high school graduation because she let her baby daddy use her car, while she caught the bus, and while she paid for his car to be in the shop to get a 24 karat gold steering wheel put on it. (He had a lowered Maxima, you know how that was back in the day).

She has told people I'm a stuck up bitch who is the favorite of the family. She has told people that I not love her or her kids. She has told people that I tell people that she is adopted stepchild (actually, I did question that (hehe) because she acts so friggin weird), she's like that cousin in Soul Food nobody wants to see coming.

I never had a relationship with her where I could talk on the phone, go shopping with her, go over her house and kick it, have dinner. I never told her about my first crushes, pains, agonies or anything like that. I am the baby child, but I often feel like the oldest. I try to like her, but I feel a blockage. I am not bitter, but I just don't like her. I don't know how.

What I want to know is? Is there anyone (family, or foe), that you just can't get along with, and nothing seems to work? Or, have you ever? (PS: They don't have to be as crazy as her; maybe too nosey or messy)


T. Cas said...

First off, I'm digging the Michael Jackson video. Secondly, I can't imagine that kind of relationship with my siblings. I guess I am really lucky to have a brother and sister that I actually like. We are definitely cut from the same cloth. Thirdly, there's this cat I work with that I can't stand no matter what. He's the type that tries to divert attention away from his incompetentcy by pointing the finger at other people. I actually made one of my unspoken New Years resolutions not to hate him, but that only lasted like 6 days. After that I was back to planning ways to get his ass deported back to Egypt. It bothers me because I usually can get along with anyone, but one word from him and I just wanna pimp slap him.

just me said...

She must be one selfishly bad person because it takes a lot for siblings to cut each other off. Because of way too many reasons to try to explain at this moment...I was wayward in my teens. My sisters, one year younger and one year older, were not at all. We all grew up in a small town and I know I embarrassed the hell out of them....lied to them...and even stole from them time to time but lord knows my sisters never gave up on me and they have always shown me more love than anyone in the world and certainly more than I sometimes deserved. That says a lot because I'm charming as hell and I feel like I get a heck of a lot of undeseverd love and attention. Thank God I was able to work out my own personal demons enough to stop hurting myself and my family and now have a wonderful family, career and life. They never ever bring up past shit to hurt me but they do sometimes bring up stuff so we can laugh about it. I don't know all the circumstances with your sister but I hope she turns herself around because you seem like a really intelligent, cool, and loving person. That's just sad. I hope she gets it together. Just keep praying for her and lean on the people who do deserve your time and love.

That Girl Tam said...

Hey, I talked to P shortly after that happened and she was PISSED OFF!!! That's another reason she was summoned over for a drinkin session at my house that night!! It's a shame...we can't pick our family...cuz lawd knows I'd skip over a few people if I had a choice...

Shake that shit off mama...

J. G. said...

O'yeah I'm the first one to comment well here it goes...

Yes I have one of these I to am the youngest of 3 girls. My oldest sister is my half sister but we have grown up not caring about being half she is like a mom to me, I can come to her with any problem.

My middle sister is my full sister and we don't mix we are just like oil and water don't ever try to mix them. We fight about everything and it gets bad.

I have tried everything to get a long with her shit I even took her out for her birthday once and that was the worst day for her not so much me.

So my boyfriend (at the time)my sister and I went out just to shoot pool and have a drink. WRONG THING TO DO! Let's just say she kept drinking and she was all over my man he just kept looking at me and said its not me its her (he ignored her or at least tried) so I was a bit heated so I stopped drinking after that.

Lets just make a long story short, she kept turning my car off on the free way (it was a new car) and tried to get out of the car. Well my man was on the phone listening to her being loud cussing and all. After a few pulls to the hair which was now wrapped in my fist she throws up in my car....after the last turning off of my car which was now just as nasty as her I pulled over and threw her ass right on to the free way (110 going to Pasadena) and yep I took off and went home.

My man then called me and said why is it so quiet in your car so I told him that she was on the 110 and if he wanted to be nice he could pick her ass up!

About 15 mins. later he called me and was like girl what did you do to her. Well I forgot to tell you that I clipped the bitch in the nose and she was bleeding up a storm but o'well not my fault.

She came home and she said she was sorry but at this point I really didn't give a shit.

I learned my lesson that day, I will NEVER take her ass out nor be nice to her!!!!

P-I feel ya!!!

J. G. said...

Shit I thought I was the first one guess not, I couldn't type fast enough besides I was getting mad while I was telling my story!! LOL

P said...


Dangit! I think I might put a post on the co-workers that I do not like. You know there is always AT LEAST ONE! AND I'm in HR, too, I'm alwayas getting thrown under the bus if something doesn't go someone's way!

Just Me:

I understand your position, and I applaud (for lack of a better word) for turning your life around. I don't want to give anyone the impression that I think that I am stuck up or pretentious and don't think that people deserve second, third, or even fourth chances. We are all human, flawed, and deserve another change.


My sister will be 41 years old in July. She has been progressively behaving badly since she was about 24 years old. For now, I'm done. If she makes a demonstrated, sorrowful, humble attempt at rehabilitating herself, then I will consider it. But only after she has made a heartfelt decision to change, which at this point, she never has.


Thanks for always picking up on my anger. I do shake it off, but it's hard when I hear my mother say "Oh, well, don't give up", or my father say "She is the prodigal son that needs love". I am not a parent so I don't understand that and it must be hard for them to not know where their child is, and whether or not they are ever going to get 'That Call'.

J to the G:

Girl, no you didn't drop your sister off on the 110 and keep rolling! I could only dream!

free..like.. said...

This is Mwabi.

Got a new blog.


Msnhim said...

There is one in every family. My older sister likes to call herself the "black sheep" of the family. Growing up she always thought se new everything and made horrible choices that she later blamed on my parents. To this day she walks around always playing the "victom" role. You can do ten favors for her but if you say NO once she well go on a tyraid about how no one ever helps her. Its just exhuasting to deal with so the majority of the family only deals with her during the holidays.

I love her but I don't like her.

Carmell said...

i don't get a long with my older sister. and it stems from way back in the day... reasons i don't even remember. she just irks the hell out of me for no reason. 1. i don't like the way she treats my kids or me. 2. she doesn't know how to talk to people. 3. shes stuck up and thinks she is better than everybody. so i just stay away from her. my parents and my grandmother try to MAKE me interact with her. i'm like ya'll need to quit cause its not gonna happen... then my mom says that i can't take whatever it is to heaven... i'm like i don't have nothing to take. i can't be friends with an unfriendly person. she doesn't tell her to get along with me. its always on me to be the bigger peroson... well its to far gone and i don't wanna waste my time making peace with someone who doesn't have a clue that shes a bitch.

J. G. said...




Supa said...

Hey P,

What up, sis. And first off, THANK YOU for your wonderful words and sympathies re: my lil' sis. It's such a painful thing. And it's really saddens me when I hear or witness others who have such turbulent relationships with their living relatives/siblings...I would give anything to be jammin up my lil' sis right now, her hanging up in my face or telling me why (she thinks) I'm wrong, etc. etc., because when she was ALIVE, there was still a chance to talk, a chance to learn from each other, piss each other off again, laugh about it all, etc..Now..there's nothing. And those awful moments of VOID - not being able to say/apologize for certain times or situations- tend to haunt me.

At any rate. Sometimes you gotta love folks from a distance. You already know. Got to bless them and release them to live their journey the way THEY want to...can't take responsibility for their mess. It's hard, I know. Family is so important, but sometimes our blood fam is FAR from our ideal...prayers to you and yours, P!

Miss Ahmad said...

I lost my sister almost 10 years ago. She was an addict who ended up marrying a very wealthy addict and dealer and the last years of her life were a mess. The late night phone calls, the tears, the reheb, the checking herself out of rehab, the money my parents, the man being in jail on her wedding and her not telling anyone until they all flew to Alaska!

She wore us out! but there isn't a day that i don't miss her crazy ass, that i am not haunted by the last message she left me that i didn't return because i was so tired of her drama!

i pray to God she found peace on the otherside because it's hell on earth for addicts!

I hope your sister takes advantage of the life she has!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

nice blog hit me up sometime if u can

Dee said...

I can understand why you feel the way you do.....I have a family member or 2 we just can't belive or trust..........

I only have ONE brother and we get along..........

nosthegametoo said...

Family can give you more hell than anyone else.

Tif said...

Sad thing is my sister got caught up in the same type crap-- they probably know eachother doing the same dumb shit in the same dumb city, but I still love her and miss her and want her back. It would be interesting to know if they knew eachother. Couldn't tell because who knows what name she was going by. I also wish she was out of jail. Story here

Unruly Brown said...

I can unfortunately relate to having a nonexistent relationship with a sister. My youngest sister. She apparently has absolutely no respect for my mother. The things she does and the type of person she's become have me and my other sisters wanting to give her a roundhouse kick across her head most of the time. I don't deal with her much, but then again, she's like 20 years old. I left home when she was 2. We never were close anyway.