Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I Ain't No Brotha, But If I Wuz

I ain't no brotha, but if I wuz. . .

Inspired in part by Tam (L word) and Mwabi (girl on girl) thoughts on the particular subject, and Closet Owner (general thoughts) on the matta, I've taken a different slant to this.

Lemme qualify my statements. I luvs being a woman. Man, I feel like a woman! All that good stuff.

BUT, if I were a brotha, I think I might have a good chance a peeping some game on a few chicks. I would be decent looking, I suppose (although I don't think my face would look good on a guy). I would be average height for a guy (six feet), versus tall for a woman (which I do not mind at all, Tam or Stalka Brian will tell you that).

I know one thing. I would prolly not have a skinny chick (no offense to anyone reading) but please don't read that wrong. I would not be interested in any buffalo gals, either. But if you had to choose, somebody with a FEW (read FEW) little extra lb's are fine, but again, not something that requires a bulldozer or a few hefty heave ho's to move. As my mother says, you can lose fat but 'cha can't lose ugly.

I was kinda thinkin, If I were a brotha, what kind of womens would I dig?

Like to hear it, here it goes.

Queen L: She looks significantly better and more symmetrically proportioned after her breast redux. She's the kind of chick, like, if I were a dude, she would be like the cool homie that you grew up with, that can hang with the fellas and what not, but then later, you would start looking at her, like, dang, she kind of cute, too. Problem is, would Queen like me as a brotha, or as a sista (TEE HEE)

Angelle Brooks: She's more of a character actor. I like her because short or long hair, she's a cute girl.

Lisa Nicole Carson - She is cute in a crazy looking kind of way. I prolly wouldn't want a serious relationship. Only BC's, cuz she looks kind of well . . . speaking of, if you look at her profile she is nowhere to be found past 1999. Rumor has it she is bipolar and is reportedly institutionalized and under the care of her mother. So, yep, for the most part if I was a brother, it would be strickly for the BC.

Sukanya Krishnan - Suki plays on HomeDelivery . I think she's purty and classy. I wouldn't like skanks. Tam what do you think of her? I'm asking for a very specific reason. She looks like a bidnesswoman.

Pam Grier - Because she's Pam Grier. PAM GRIER IS NOT A HOOCHIE!

Victoria Rowell - I like her because she has a mix of girl next door-smoldering beauty, clean cut and wholesome but not homely looking. And, in my former life, I used to look at Y & R, and Diagnosis Murder (so what??)

Vanessa Bell Calloway - I think she's purty, as well as exceptionally talented. Plus, she's yo "Queen to beeee".

Laila Ali - She seems like she would be cool, behave around your friend and family, and be a homebody. Don't want no hooka in the streets.

Roshumba - Some of the greatest, defined features ever. A little too skinny for mae, but I'd deal with it.

Angela Bassett - No doubt could hold the entire room at attention with her regality and words, son. A take home to the parents fo real. Yale, edumacated, too?! Her and her husband, actor are expecting their first children, twins, sometime this year.

Vanessa Williams - This is why I chose her. Even without the eyes, hair and complexion (which by the way is NOT a qualifier for cuteness, some people are foolish enough to think that) she is still very nice looking.

AJ Johnson - Yep, the girl from house party. Doesn't take much to figure that she is a personal trainer. She really does have some healthy tips and regimes on her web site.

Womens that I would not be bothered with:

Beyonce - Yes, I know. But I wouldn't be interested. Too much going on. Yeah, I knowwhatchathinkin, but even if I did have a lot of money, I would want more of the darker haired bevy of beauties above. Plus, sometimes I cannot emotionally deal with the hair issues that occur with her intermittedly. I don't like a lot of brouhaha associated with hair and stuff.

Halle - Hell to the naw. Too emotionally high maintenance fragile. Thanks but no thanks. I'll pass.

This beeach right here is crazy and I would not touch her with a ten foot pole!

JLO - Everbody she gets with (sans Puffy, who made her) career tanks. No thanks. Not my 'type' HEHE - Anyway, I generally takes my coffee black.

Kimora Lee - Thanks, Chuck, but I'll remain on my own.

In case y'all have one eyebrow raised and are identifying me as suspect, I've already laid out the Men I Love in a previous blog, when I was virgin on blogging.

I got some good taste, huh?


That Girl Tam said...

LMAO that you throw a picture of yourself in the list of "No-no chics" HAHAHAHA you'z a fool! I always liked that picture...although it don't look like you (cuz yo ass don't like smiling)

Got me thinkin now...if I was a dude...I'd be cut the fuck up like Shemar Moore (ok, even though we all know he's stupid, you gotta admit, that BROTHA IS WORKIN THE BODY!!!) and I'd be about 6'3...I'd be a pretty mutha fucka, but I'd have my shit together (note to the cute ones that DON'T). But as far as women go, I'd have to think on that one...for real...I'll get back to you...

P said...

How you gone say that picture don't look like me, who the heasy does it look like, then heffa.

But as for you. . .

How you gone by six three and you're five three, now.

And you would have no game, just some little light skinned brother (are light skin-ded brothers in style - HEHE) with no game, driving a little toyota MR2 or paseo, or maybe even a probe or neon.

African girl, American world said...

tam busted you out LOL. I figured that was you with no name and all. Nice to see something other than your feets :)

I'm spooked cause I just quoted Lisa Nicole Carson from her jason's lyric role "don't knock my self-improvement" - LOVE THAT MOVIE

and I'm spooked too because I just thought that I needed to do a balance post to my men i dig.

That Girl Tam said...

EWww...first of all, I would have MADD GAME! Second of all my SEXYFINETALLASS wouldn't be able to fit in an MR2, Paseo, Probe or Neon...I'd be driving one of those "over-compensating" big trucks like an Escalade...

And like Mack says, "No matter WHAT your preference is, good-lookin, 'Light Skinded' men are ALWAYS in style!"

And 'scuse you, I'm 5'4...get it right! And no that picture don't look like don't be showin all your teef like dat and you don't be wearin no curls...STOP FRONTIN! Shooo...tryin to call me out...girl don't make me stand on a dining chair to whoop you! HAHAAHAHA!

Oh...and btw, I got a sitter for Friday...if you're not gonna be driving to the sticks, wanna grab dinner?

P said...

Yep. Let's do it.

Pick me up in the escalade and let's roll!

(UGH, you would definitely be one of those mixed mofos, I wouldn't want to deal with thinking they all light and cute)

Would you still watch the "L" word if you were a dude? You prolly would, cuz yous phreaky.

That Girl Tam said...

Bet! I'll make sure I get the ride all polished up and I'll be out front 'round 7 - if yo ass is home by then...I KNOW you're going to work on Friday since you missed yesterday!

Hey, just cuz I'd be all tall and light skinded, I didn't say I'd be an idiot too! There ARE some light skinded dudes that are about their shit yanno!! HAHAHA!

Yeah, I'd still watch The L Word...I'd love watchin that soft porn shit...just like Closet Freak

Carmell said...

thank you Mack!!! love the light skinded mens!!!
i like Queen. imma be mad if she would like mr too! but yeah you have good tadte. and i wouldn't fool with none of the ones you would ESPECIALLY that crazy one ;0 i was like well who is that?! i was looking for the link!

P said...


Make sure to do a post on the men you dig. I don't know if you've seen mines, but I like them. Some more than others. Jordan is juicy.

Uh, you think you would so be hot on the streets if you was a dude.

Yeah, queen is cool. I like her on that Wal Mart commercial, she is so represen-en. You straight said you would be mad if she didn't like you. Stalka! :P

African girl, American world said...

already did one EBD - check the archives - need to do a woman one

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

This is a cute and creative post (smile)!!!

P said...


Hurry up and do the womens, we want to see what you would do if the opp came up for some girl on girl HEHE!

NSearch: Thx for the compliment!

Lāā said...

To balance things out, yeah ok. I'm glad you clarified that.

If I was a man the ones that you picked would be cool too, but I probably wouldn't want someone famous like that. Too many niggas gon' be pushing up on 'em.

P said...


I'm witcha on this one. I should clarify that would be my TYPE - in a non celebrity status

If I wuz a man, I want a woman at home doing the cooking and cleaning and looking all purty for me. (But I would sign a pre-nup HAHA!)

But yes, ma'am I luvs men, prolly too much!

Carmell said...

noooo i would be mad if she did!!!! i hear shes a lesbo...
love me do DJ Quik!

SomeOne said...

i gotta check out the trainers website, look at tam calling u out, i wouldnt of know it was u otherwise, but yeah its nice to see something other than yo feet...nice smile

Dee said...

I'm tall too!!! 5'11" flat.but I always wear at least 2" heels.........

now if I was a man.......I would like a thyke gurl too!!!!

of course Pam G. could get it........

oh and the gurl from the "I like the way you move video" she's over 35 and her body is BAAADDD!!!!! Cause I wouldn't really go for video gurls..............

hmmm who else????? I can't really think of anyone else off the top......I like chocolate and she would have to be thick cause anorexia is not cute!!!!!

I don't think I would go for pretty faces soooo much i'd be more into bangin.ass.bodies!!!!

NegroPino™ said...

WOW!! Good read. I wouldnt' pick any of the girls you wouldn't neither. Notice how the prettier they are, the more problems they have. :)Halle can't even get a man to stay with her in her movies(Their Eyes Were Watching God) let alone real life. Got me thinking over here hmmmmmmmmm

P said...


Dangit! You straight brought up the Oph-Pree Movie she was in. I worry about that chile.

If I was a brotha I would make the women fall in love with me with my mannerisms and (Ahem) other things, but they dayum sure are going to have to reciprocate with what I want to. I would so be a big baby.

Closet Owner said...

yall is so wrong.

I cant even go their with you.

See, yall dont know about menz...back in the day I woulda hit all dem brawds, but Nicole Carson woulda been my lady.