"I Know You Are, But What Am I?"

"And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient" (Romans 1:28)

4:45 am (Riiinnnnggggg!)

P: Hello

Family Stone: "WHERE MOMMY AT, WHAT IS HER CELL PHONE NUMBER?"

P: (In a semi-comatose voice) "Excuse Me?"

Family Stone: "P, I don't have time to play games with you, what is her cell phone number?"

P: "You don't call my house at 4:45 am drilling me, Beeach!" (BAM - hangs up the phone).

Well not really, "BAM", because cordless phones don't give you that type of effect, but y'all get the point. :P

4:46 am: ((RIIIINNNGGGG!))

P: The number is 555.1212

RIIINNNNNGG 7:00 am: Hi.

P: Hi, Ma:

Ma: Did you call the Family Stone a Name?

P: Yes.

Ma: Have you ever did something wrong before?

P: What does that have to do with anything?

Ma: You shouldn't call her names, she doesn't know what she is doing.

P: That's not my problem.

Ma: You're right. But what if it was an emergency?

P: What did she want?

Ma: A copy of her birth certificate**

P: That's not an emergency. Folks only call that time of the morning with bad news, usually death. So what's your point, Ma?

Ma: Just don't let her affect you. You are supposed to set the example by being a Christian.

P: Being a Christian has nothing to do with this. I have to go to work! She called and woke me up!

Ma: Just don't let her affect you, okay? I don't want you to get upset over this mess.

**Re: The birth certificate. For those of you that have not been reading long enough, my sister asks for her birth certificate at least half a dozen times a year. If you want to know the history of my sister, click on the links regarding her. Why the hell is she always asking for it?

The bottom line is, my mother is both wrong, and both right.

She is wrong in that she didn't say, at any point, that it was wrong for The Family Stone to call me at fo in the mo-nin. I felt like, she (and my father), were once again, making excuses for her. (that's another post).

She is right in that The Family Stone is not going to change. I have to change. Getting mad and calling her a bitch didn't change the fact that she called right back and I gave her the number anyway. I have to manage this, not anyone else.

I will tell you, however, that something in her voice triggers anger in me. You can read the previous post, but in June it will have been four years since she skipped off on her kids and has not seen them. Again, check previous posts for her profession and drug of choice. I did get mad because I see what it does and has done to them (they live with their father, which is okay, but he's two sandwiches short of a picnic himself).

This 4:45 phone call was different though. She sounded the same, but I could hear the streets in her. I could hear death and destruction. I could hear a life wasted. Her life has been spared so many times, but I think the cat's lives are running out. I am not sure if I'll ever see her alive again. That angers, and upsets me. My parents hold out hope, I'm sure her kids don't want to, but the streets own her.

She has to be accountable for her life. And so do I. Because of that, I can't get upset and try to make her not call. For as long as my number remains the same, she will call. She is a provoker, and instigator, a hooker, an addict. So, I have to transform myself. To be even keeled, unaffected, relaxed, and resigned to her fate. It's not easy, but I'm willing to do it, for myself. And divine intervention is needed for both myself and her. But for me, I will accept it. Whatever she does, that's on her. Trust me when I say I have NOT enabled her. I don't put money on books, I don't accept collect calls, and I don't hook her up. But I do get mad at her, but not anymore, not after today.

**Sigh** and y'all wonder, why I have issues bonding with the X-Chromosome.

Flying high in the friendly sky, Without ever leaving the ground, And I ain't seen nothing but trouble baby, Nobody really understands, no no, And I go to the place where the good feelin' awaits me, Self destruction in my hand, Oh Lord, so stupid minded, Oh and I go crazy when I can't find it, Well I know I'm hooked my friend, To the boy who makes slaves out of men. - "Flying High", Marvin Gaye.

Live and Sleepy from LA, this is P reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.