The Itch is Here! What do I Do?

That was the recent title of an email from a friend of mines. The story of how we became friends (over ten years) is interesting. I met another guy who "John" was with years ago. The brother tried to spit at me, but he had a woman. So, he decided I was too nice to 'play' and literally handed over my number to "John" (who was with him when I met him).

"John" has tried to get with me for years. He ran off and got married about four years ago and cut off contact with me. I understand, though, his wife is pretty jealous, she is a prim and proper church going type of chick. (I go to church so I am NOT making fun of that, I just think she is that way in the strictest traditional form of it. Anyway, he found my old yahoo email (aquaboogi), and we resumed communication.

The following is a sequential order of communications that we had. Black is the brother, pink is P.

The itch is here! What do I do?
Hmm. What do you mean?
U know that itch… that u get here and there
I think that we all get it love. You just have to channel your energy and think in another direction
NAH! Man I gotta a story for you... but I don’t know if you can handle it!
You already know I can. I’m a ryda.

Man…. It’s crazy! My wife wants me to find a woman to join us in a lil something something!

RU Serious? I have a few questions? Is your wife bout it bout it? Do you think she is curious? What do you think about it? Do you plan on doing it? Did she approach you with it? After you tell me I will give you my opinion.

She is just curious on that level... She aint leaving me. I think it’s cool that she is comfortable with herself like that. I may plan on going thru with it. She approached me with the idea. We talk about our sexual fantasies... we real open like that. But NO other dudes will be in our lil thang thang!

Hmm. I beg to differ. Nothing wrong with role playing and fantasizing. But bringing another person into your sacred institution sounds like opening up Pandora’s Box. In my humble opinion. You DO know that that stuff is not one time only kind of thing. One you get started it’s like lays. Can’t eat but one.

Its all in control and moderation. If you have no control over yourself don’t step on the field to play ball. Kinda like messing with the happy leaf... if you can’t understand to do it and still be motivated to do stuff don’t mess with it. Especially if your soul is weak.

It's not going to happen once. Wait a minute. ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO THIS?!?

Nah! That’s all you have to say?!?!?! As long as you took to respond I figured u has a lil speech for me. But we know the girl and she is very interested but she does not have any YING or YANG feel me?!?!?! J she gotta a lil onion but no YING YANG and that’s my visual stimulant when I am doing my thang? Smell me?!

It’s not going to happen once.

Maybe a couple of times with the girl but after that …. No mas :)

It sounds like you already have this planned out, so why do you want to hear what I have to say?

I still to run it by a level headed person. Do have nobody to talk to about this.

"John", I love you. I have known you for over a decade. I am not judgmental because it is not my job to be. There are many blemishes and flaws in my life that require addressing and it is my responsibility and job to look over them and examine them. With that said, though the thought of bringing another partner into a relationship sounds incredibly appealing, I do believe the risks outweigh the benefits.

The institution of marriage is sacred. It is holy. And the laws of it should be upheld. That’s not from my perspective, that is what I get from Elohim, the Lord. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I must obey the Lord. Every time I haven’t (and that is a daily occurrence), I have had to pay the consequences of my actions.

Let me speak to you from a practical aspect.

You don’t know what you can control and master once you have reached within the Pandora’s Box. That’s like someone smoking crack, and believing they can be the one that does not end up hooked. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, spoke with a family focus group right before he was executed; he indicated that he was addicted to magazines and movies, and that at first he controlled it; then it controlled him.

When will enough be enough? Will you want to do it again with another girl (you can’t honestly say no). What kind of invisible tear will this be to your marriage? Marriage is hard enough without involving someone else in the equation. Will either one of you trust each other the same? How can something like that strengthen a relationship? Will it open up a bevy of other suggestions (you don’t know because you haven’t tasted it, no pun intended).

From a moral aspect:

You are responsible for the navigation of that household. The male sets the standard, the pace, and the course of the relationship. It’s your job to remain responsive, responsible, and logical even in the face of temptation. Any man can go astray, even in an open situation. But it takes a steady man, to stay true to what is. But I can’t measure that because it sounds like something you have already made your mind up on.

All money ain’t good money. All ideas ain’t good ideas.

You know if you run this by me, I am not being critical or judgmental. But you also know that I don’t give you what is the most positive or popular answer. I give you me.

P

Now that’s the P I know and love thanks for your words!

What do you think? Have you thought about it? Have you done it? You can post anonymously if you wish. . .

Narcissism in Women

Narcissism is a personality disorder. I know many folks who throw this term around, particularly when they are referring to men, who they feel are selfish and self absorbed. However, these issues are usually intermittent and are blurted out in anger, a la "You're sooo selfish, you're a friggin narcissist!"

Abusive behavior in men or women can be a function of many underlying issues. Most narcissitic personalities are men. Why, I don't know. But I have recently been intrigued with the personality attributes of the narcissistic female. Like her narcissistic male counterpart, the female narcissists holds deeply held and undisputed irrational underlying beliefs that affect her feelings and behavior.

True Charmers, they are there for you and you for them, because you serve a purpose in their life, because they only care about their self. They can be a wife, mother, sister, or daughter, if everything loops back to them, they are indeed, happy. You are no more than the object who provides her with whatever it is she wants and needs: love, admiration, money, encouragement, support, accolades, and anything in between.

This except was taking from "The Female Narcissist" by by Irene Matiatos, Ph.D. Dana, is the acronym used to describe the patterns and behaviors of a female narcissist.

"While she pretends to care, and indeed wants to care, the reality is that she doesn't care. Her world starts and stops with herself. She hides that fact pretty well from most people; especially those who are consistently meaningful to her (i.e., parents, husband, siblings, boss, etc.). Most of these individuals would be shocked to hear this, and in fact would think you're crazy!. . . She relies on her beauty and her charm. She feels good about herself as long as she "has it over" anybody she considers "the competition."

Parents are parents and too often love unconditionally, but friends and acquaintances don't. As a result, while new people "Dana" meets like her, the more they got to know her, the less interested they are in her company. Except, of course, for the young men, most of whom vie for her attention. Other than a childhood best friend with virtually non-existent self esteem, there are no friends. There are acquaintances and those who share her environment as well as the many men who surrounded her - all of whom she refers to as "friends," but there really are no friends. She explains this deficit by rationalizing that her peers disappoint her in one way or another. This one uses drugs, that one you can't trust, the other one is jealous of her, etc. There is virtually no recognition that the reason people who are not related to her or have no sexual interest in her do not like her given how she treats them!

Part of the price Dana pays to manipulate others is the exhaustion required to be "on" much of the time. When caught with her vigilant guard down, she is not nice: often impatient, short, arrogant and condescending, reflecting her near chronic bad mood. Shopkeepers, boyfriends who try too hard and all the not-too-important people in her life who will put up with it are the unwitting victims.

. . .Jealousy is a huge issue. Her own envy is as cut off from her consciousness as Wisconsin is cut off from the Atlantic Ocean. While she has no clue regarding her pervasive jealousy, it is sadly evident to the sensitive observer.

With all these issues, the narcisstic woman (or man for that matter) cannot be trusted. They are not trustworthy - unless they are expending energy pretending to be trustworthy. So, at best, their trustworthiness is inconsistent. Like the male abuser, her moods are unpredictable. When frustrated, the energy demands of being "on" are too great. Her frustration slips away from her - and spills onto anybody unfortunate enough to be in the way.

When I read this I was chilled to the bone. I thought of at least two people in my life that fit these characteristics. I am overwhelmed. I have witnessed this behavior first hand. Some in high school, some in college, some in the work force and others in personal relationships. I often wondered how these folks could exhibit often identical characteristics and the same m.o. and now I know why.

Do you know any narcissistics? Were you one?

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Tam has taken down thatgirltam Forever.

P.

You may continue with today's post (if you wish).

Corporate America Jargon

The language of corporate America is a big dance. It's roots lie in being politically correct, in an arena where what, who, and how you say something can reverberate around the entire company.

In short, it sucks.

What happened to the days of old, where the beauty and color of language was a determinant of your personality, where everything wasn't offensive and deemed litigious? Now don't get me wrong, the expectation that you should be treated, male or female, with respect and dignity should be in place all the time. But the lingo that exists now doesn't change the connotation of things, they are only catch phrases that sound more rehearsed than authentic.

In short, it sucks. These are some of the more common corporate terms that are used, and accompanying them is what is really met.

"Going forward, we will want to approach it this way"
"You effed up and did it wrong, and this is how we want it done from now on"

"We would like for you to spearhead this project"
"We are swamped, we don't want to do this, and if you say no it won't look good, so do it."

"Due to the changing needs of the business, we are re-organizing the department and your position has been identified as a surplus job"
"You are getting laid off"

"Let's table and revisit this for the next meeting"
"I don't know what to do. And I don't like your ideas, either"

"I'm just calling to touch base."
"You're taking too long to get back to me"

"How can we implement best practices within the organization to prevent a recurrence?
"We fucked up. I'm scared."

"Someone dropped the ball."
"Whose responsible? Because I'm not"

"How will this impact us from a business perspective financially?"
"How much is all of this sheeat going to cost?"

"I'm going to defer this to the marketing department"
"This is not my job and why did you come to me for it?"

"I wanted to make sure that you were in the loop on this"
"I want to either make sure you are not blamed for something, or I want you to be accountable as well in case something goes down."

"We're going to have to think outside the box."
"This shit ain't working and we have to come up with something else"

"We want you to develop your problem solving skills for this project"
"This project is in chaos and we don't know how to get out of it"

"You're on the fast track at this company"
"You are a brown noser who will step on anyone to get there and the CEO likes that"

"We are culturally diverse"
"We made our quota of blacks, Mexicans, Asians and women. A few Native Americans, too"**

Those are my lingos for Corporate AmeriKKA. If you don't work in Corporate AmeriKKA, be glad. If you do, be afraid, be very, afraid.

**Note re: Mexicans. That is how all many non people of color see Latinos. Don't get it twisted. They may go as far as Puerto Rican, but not too far.

Do you have any to share? Do you concur with these?

Live, this is P reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

The Cooldown - Afterword to Turning Up the Heat

Well, since we all know what it takes for us to turn up the heat, I want to talk about some of the no-no's you can do with me, that will have me be SO OVER you. . . Completely, unequivocally turned off! And once I'm turned off, often times I can't get past what was done, seen, or visualized. You're going to have to put in some serious WWF 'The Rock' type of work to get me to forget it, if at all.

So, without further adieu, like to hear it, hear it goes. Here are the things, that will NOT get you any airplay on K-PAT FM. (For the purposes of this, we will have the FM stand for fuckometer).
Bad Breath - You can't even call that breath, you have to call it bad bref. You are NOT going to get to first base with me. How am I supposed to concentrate on anything else when you're humming commin at cha? You cannot tell me someone that is kicking butt and taking names with their breath can't smell it in their throat, or wisps of it permeating in the air and surrounding about them. If there are some hygienic issues, then go take care of that. We won't even go there with teeth, that's non negotiable.

Bad Shoes/Watch: A brother can manipulate his wardrobe accordingly. Often times a brother may have a job that requires him to be more casual than dress, and vice versa. With that said, keeping your wardrobe tight is a must. You don't have to P-Diddy yourself out, but you MUST keep the kicks and watch looking good. Turned over shoes and a Timex makes Jack a dull boy.

Indecisive Mofos: How I am to entrust you as my Captain, the head of the household, if you are sweating bullets about what to do? I'm not expecting for you to have all the answers, and even not to be concerned, but when it comes to decision making (whether it's as simple as making plans to go out, a repair in the home, or as intricate as a divested portfolio, or whether we should upgrade to a new home), I want you to value my opinion and honor me, yes, but don't turn to me like a beaach talking about "Babe, what we gone do?" Take charge of the situation, be the man that I need you to be, in order to bring out the best in me, and so forth. Stop being a punk!

Bad/Sloppy Kisser: Eew. Learn the dance. Rock with me. Lead the way, be dominant, passive, passionate, sensual, soft, rough, any of those variable. But don't jam your (sometimes cold) tongue down my throat, or have a juicy mouth before you even start. The sweetest kisses are sometimes the most powerful, but I'm not Vanessa Del Rio and this is not Porn/Tonguefest 2006.

Ugly Hands/Grooming: Now, let me qualify my statements: I don't want some beeach azz heteroquestionable mofo grooming his hands more than I do, but I do expect for the nails to be clipped (NOT bitten to the quick CLIPPED bitten nails signs of a serious nervous problem you need to handle), lotioned (we're not sharecroppers anymore, it doesn't take much $$ to do this) and groomed. I have a hand fetish, and I understand that men are more manual with their hands, but ugly hands on a wedding picture, as well as and in and around me creep me out.

Talking too Much: You are going to break the mood with "did you like this?" "did you come yet?", 'how do I make you feel?". Too.many.questions, this is not a quiz show. Be authoritative in your stance with me and let me know what YOU are going to do, HOW you are going to do it, and HOW much of it more do I like, and if I'm NOT nice (or naughty, however you want to role play it), then I'm NOT going to get it anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's Ok on occasion to ask do I like it, and how does it feel, because I want you to know what I like and what I want, but not to the point of distraction, and it causes me to break my concentration. Then I have to start all over again, y'all know what I mean.

I think we all have some of the same issues or variances thereof. So tell me:

What Puts you Out Cold?

Nominees for the Dumb Azz Mofo Award

Today, ladies and gentleman, we will be taking nominations in the category of the dumb azz M.O.F.O. (previously known as mutha fucka) awards. These awards are not gender specific, and showcase and profile those in our community who have made a fool of themselves in the art of life. M.O.F.O. Stands for Most Outstanding Foolishness Overall.

I nominate my friend, "Greg Mathers" (The names have been changed to protect the guilty)

Greg is an attractive, six three, two twenty (with dimples - which I would rather call indentations) in his face. He is college educated, who 'had' a six figure income. (More to come on that)

Greg has one child by his ex-wife, Greg Junior, whom he adores. Greg is in love with 'Victoria' his 'girlfriend' of the past five years.

Greg works in the mortgage industry. Victoria is 34 and just started working when she was 28 years old and this is why.

- From 17 to 22 she was going out with what we called back in the day, someone who slangs.
- From 22 to 28 she went out with a professional football player.

Then she gets with Greg. Over the past five years, Greg has given her everything she wanted. And when I say everything, I.DO.MEAN.EVERYTHING.

- Designer Purses
- Shoes
- Trips
- Paid Off her Debts - When his mother had a ten year old Saturn that was giving her problems.
- Co-Signed for her a Car
- Cooked and Cleaned (she doesn't do either)
- Went shopping with and for her
- Paid for her hair and nails
- Bought her a 15K wedding ring and mounted it for another 5K.****

To that you say "What's wrong with that?" I'll reserve my personal feeling for that later.

Hell, no, I'm not going to reserve my feeling for later this is my sheeat right here. Technically, you don't do that much for ANYONE that is not your wedding wife/husband, whateva.

So, again, to that you say "What's wrong with getting hooked up?" Oh, nothing, except for the fact that. . .

- Victoria talks to him any kind of way
- She still maintained what she called a 'friendship' with the football player
- Her pendulum swung in both directions
- She would keep males as 'females' in her phone directory in cell phone (oldest trick in the cell phone book. . .er, at least that's what somebody told me).

Over a year ago, she took a job with his mortgage company with him. She met a guy, 'Evans', on her team (an associate of Greg's), and to make a long story short, what I'll do it tell you what she said or did (in Purple), how Greg responded (in blue), and what was the subsequent result.

"Evans likes me. He buys me coffee every day, He's my friend"
"He is a predator, leave him alone"
Truth: They both are starting to have feeling for each other.

"There is nothing wrong with us being friends, you are too jealous"
" I trust that you will end this relationship and friendship, or whatever you want to call it"
Truth: They talk on the phone, every night, at least through 1 am on a cell phone that Greg pays for.

"We are just friends, we talk on the phone about different things"
"Not on my phone you won't"
Truth: They start talking on the house phone, that is also in Greg's name

"He only came by my new place because he was in the neighborhood"
"He is a predator, don't you get it?"
TRUTH: Greg sees them, on more than one occasion driving down the street together.

"Oh, we just went out to dinner, no big deal"
"For what, why would you take him, If I can take you?"
TRUTH: She tells Greg that she needs some space.

Exit, stage left. Greg leaves his six figure income job of three years because he can't handle the stress of being around 'Evans the predator' to go to another company, where he doesn't know anything about the commission structure. Furthermore, he ends up crashing and burning for the next four months, going into debt, and running into a lot of financial problems.

Back to the story.

"The rubber came off"
"He is so irresponsible, he got YOU pregnant. See how much of a predator he is." You thought he was going to be your savior. He just wants to be me"
"I want you in the delivery room, not him"
"You should. He can just look through the window. You shouldn't invite him in.
"He told me he has been thinking of ways to kill me"
"That's what you get for thinking that he was going to be your savior"

TRUTH: The hell with what she says, she was raw-dogging it from day one. She was at least one month pregnant when he left his job. She talked to Greg through her eighth month, and then in her ninth month, stopped talking to him. I have a co-worker that I work with that knows her indirectly; she never stopped being with Evans and even went to Vegas with him a few times while all of them were still working at the company. The baby was born two weeks ago, and she hasn't talked to Greg for over a month, considering she stopped working, and Evans has been kicking her down.

Now, I can't knock her hustle. Keep in mind, none of this can happen without him co-signing on all of this. This is why he is has been identified as the M.O.F.O of the year.

In addition: Greg found hotel receipts. Victoria told him that she rented the hotel room for friends. Victoria told him she was going to her girlfriends house to hang out for the weekend. Greg told ME "Well, all of her friends are bi, and mess around with each other. . . Well, everyone except for HER, she doesn't DO that, maybe back in the day she did dirt with them, but she is not like that anymore".

Greg totally blames Evans. He says that Evans wants to be him and wants everything that he has.

Well, Greg, right now you don't have anything. You filed for bankruptcy, had to borrow some money from your homies, and now, you are working in a group home, as well as doing valet parking at the airport on the weekends.

****Note re: 20K ring. The jeweler told Greg that he would buy it back from him, (less ten percent)

Greg won't sell it. He.Wont.Sell.It.

This is K-PAT FM's official submission and nomination for the M.O.F.O awards.

Any nominations? Do you concur?

Turning Up the Heat

It's not the pale moon that excites me That thrills and delights me, oh no

It's just the nearness of you

It isn't your sweet conversation That brings this sensation,

oh no It's just the nearness of you

When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me

All my wildest dreams come true I need no soft lights to enchant me

If you'll only grant me the right To hold you ever so tight And to feel in the night

the nearness of you

- "The Nearness of You", by Norah Jones

Considering the fact that my hormones are raging right now, I decided to think about the things, that move and get me going. There are so many of them cuz I'm all over the place, but anyway, I'll narrow them down.

Holding Hands: I'm a sucker for that. I love when a guy (that I like) touches and rubs on my hands. I believe that's it's a very intimate act for me and brings us closer. I love to see couples of all ages holding hands. Little children, young adults, seasoned adults, and older folks. I don't smile, but that sure makes me do it.

Rubbing My Back: Love it. It relaxes me, makes me feel warm, and special, and puts me in a state of semi-consciousness. You can can always get away with bloody murder if you do THAT to me.

Rubbing My Feet: I'm all yours if you do that. (NO, I don't have no ugly, crusty, feet, either, I think their kind of purty).

A Nice Bath, with Music Playing: Okay, all you Claudine movie lovers, I probably had this embedded in my head long ago, when Claudine went over Ru's house and relaxed in the bubble bath to the sounds of Gladys Knights "The Makings of You". (Sidebar - If ANYONE has not heard that three minute song, download it. . . One of the best love songs, ever). Even though miss Claudine Price fell asleep in the water, I love it, whether I am anticipating the visit, being bathed by my significant, or reminiscing.

Cradling Me in Your Arms: Well, what better way to get me in the mood then to let me lay on your chest, or in your arms as you sit up on the couch, or between your legs, in your lap, just ANYTHING to make me feel safe and protected, and that's a hard fait accompli to do with a six foot tall woman (that would be me thankya).

Movies: You know what movies. . .Hey, I like them. Y'all can say what you want, but if you get the movies on the right position, at the right time (sometimes I will even re-wind if I am on one), and during the right mental moment, I'm a happy camper. I'm willing to make it a blockbuster night at any TIME! With or without him. HAHAHA, Just kidding.

(Talking to myself) I am kidding, aren't I? Yeah, kidding.

So, readers: What turns up YOUR heat?

Live, this is P, reporting to you from K-PAT, FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

70's Commercial Throwback. . .

Considering in our busy lives we don't have the opportunity or desire, to sit in front of the boob toob anymore, I decided to take you back on some old school commercials, which were really, the best of the best.

Coca-Cola. . . Remember they used to run this ad around Christmas, and all the folks would be holding up candles, or something like that, singing "I like to BUY the world of COKE, and keep it company - That's the song I sing", and then the sung it over? Great commercial!

Calgon - When the lady went to the cleaners and commented on how clean erry-thang was, and the guy was going on and on, and then the lady bursts out the back door and says "We need more CALGON!" Then of course, the classic moment - "Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?"

Palmolive: I didn't know what she was doing in particular, but I knew that I was DYING for my mother to bring home palmolive diswashing liquid so I can what. . .Yes, ladies and gentlemen, SOAK my hands (in a clear bowl, no less), in some palmolive diswashing detergent, just like MADGE the manicurist did for the other women. Don't ack like y'all didn't either want to, or didn't. Please!

Parkay: Well, of course, two commercials come to mind: The first one is the one where the jars of margarine are talking to each other and one is saying "Parkaaay!" and the other one is saying "Butta". I didn't know what the hell that meant when I was child, why would I know the difference between margarine or butter? Then, of course, the other one, which somewhat scared, me was when the woman (in all of her angelic glory - or was it bewitching), saying "It's not NICE to fool with Mother Natcha!"

Pearl Drops Tooth Polish - Y'all betta be glad I can't find that lady. I know you're smiling, you're thinking of the same lady and anybody over 30 is lying if they say they are not! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE SAID, EITHER! Need I say more? It's a race to who gets to say her slogan first in the comments section!

This one needs no introduction: "I can bring home the bacon (Enjoli), fry it up in a pan (Enjoli), and never, ever, ever, let you forget you're a man, cuz I'm a woooman, ENJOLI!" Me personally, being all of about SIX years old, didn't understand what she mean when she said bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, hell I was thinking "Isn't that what she is supposed to do with bacon?" And why is she so dressed up cooking BACON!?!"

Honorable Mentions:

• Mr. Whipple and Charmin,
• How man Licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll (I can go ALL kinds of places with THAT one, but I won't),
• Libby Libby Libby, on the Label, Label, Label, (you get it),
• Mr. Clean
• (Ho, Ho, Ho) Jolly Green Giant
• OJ Simpson and the AVIS commercial (running through the airport).
• That fine ass man that used to be on the Army commercials saying "Thanks first seargeant, Good Morning!"
• Mean Joe Green and the little boy drinking coke, and he gets his jersey. Yeah, that one.
• Kim Fields and Mrs. Butterworth (who I have a VERY difficult time accepting that she could not talk)

I know y'all got some more. . .Are any on here your favorites? Have any from the 80's you want to talk about?

Live, this is P, reporting to your from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network. . .

The X Chromosome - Afterword to WCBH

Foreword: I want to thank the WCBH for their marvelous storytelling. Supa, Tammy-Tam, Miss Ahmad, One Cool Sista, and The Diva did a wonderful job with storytelling. In your own style, your own way. You may click on the links for a re-cap.

And, I dedicate this post to you. (Okay, enough of that General Foods International Coffee Sheeat).

With that said:

All my life, I have resisted who I am. There are reasons for this, but I choose today to leave them behind.

For most of my life, I have not had good relationships with women. It has culminated into me not having the support system that women should have, present company included. I can readily admit now that it was for many reasons, some of which I am indicating below.

I don't have many positive role models for women in my family. I'm not perfect, nor do I expect to ever be so. But if you saw some of the women (my generation AND back), I didn't look upon them as favorable. I am not saying this to be classist. Let me explain myself.

I don't qualify highly educated, wealthy, successful, baller people as role models in particular. Culture and lifestyle choices did not dictate many women from generations past the ability to achieve that. For myself, I am referring to women who can't even meet responsibilities to themselves. Lazy, addicts, mentally deranged, self absorbed, and anything in between. Just some bizarre sheeat. THESE WOMEN, WOMEN IN MY FAMILY. As a result, I believe I adapted to not having many of them to turn to, subsequently becoming an introvert.

In high school, I had female friends, but most of them were childhood friends. Was never interested in any more after that. Even the ones that I have made from college and beyond. I start to care for them and then pull back. I don't know why.

Well, yes I do.

I think that sometimes, if I am pro-woman relationships, that I am anti-man. Furthermore, and I've always been uncomfortable with women with that (male bashing) thought pattern, and I saw A LOT of that growing up in the 80's and 90's. And I often felt as if I couldn't relate to women, because I didn't have the same feelings about men that many of them did. Not realizing that everyone is NOT like that.

I know this sounds bizarre, but this was how I was feeling, and still struggle with. If I find that a group of women are planning something, I shy away, because I don't want to be involved in a cackling fiasco of a bunch of BBW's (Bitter Black Women).

**Memo to WCBH: I did have a conference I attended this past weekend; I was not cowering in a corner, waiting for your night to be over before I could come out of hiding.** :P

I have often times believed that if I became too close to women, that I would begin to love them too much, rely on them, look forward to being around them. And in that, I didn't want to realized that I was also equally concerned about being betrayed by the very same women that I relied upon. This is the point, ladies and gentlemen, where I begin to pull back. And I now know that this is wrong and I take responsibility for this. Especially if someone has proved their character to me.

So, I kept to myself. I talked to males, and my select few of women friends in my so called inner circle. But even with them. I kept my distance. I developed a pretense of everything being okay at all times. In that, the cost of that has been not having anyone to turn to when something went down, being the caretaker instead of care FOR the caretaker. The impact of this has been limited relationships with the female gender.

I didn't realize, until recently, that I do need women. Trust me when I tell you that this is NO easy feat to admit and type, and I do have the possibility of regressing.

I need them because:

- I can communicate with them for support, guidance, and advice
- I need that dose of ESTROGEN every now and again!
- I can have a good time with them without having to worry about beating that 'high score'
- We can exchange stories, skeletons, w/no questions asked well, not really no questions, you know how WE do it. . .the more, the merrier!
- In loving them, I am allowing myself to love my men better.

So with that, I am creating the possibility for myself and my life, the possibility of loving. Loving the sistas in my life, and loving being around them. Loving the sista girls for who they are - and who they are not.

WCBH: See you on the next go-round.

Live from LA, this is P, reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network.

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See you later this week!

California Love. . .

I've had it.

I've had it from my in house California whiners as well as 'ex' Californians who have beef with the Sunshine State.

"California has a high cost of living"
"California's home prices are too high"
"California people have attitudes"
"Traffic sucks in LA" (Okay, well traffic DOES suck in LA)
"I'm moving to Las Vegas, Arizona", etc, (or any of the other 'hot on the streets cities' right now.)

I'm not talking 'bout folks moving because they want to move to another state for career purposed, or a slower paced lifestyle, or even for the aforementioned reasons.

BUT. Why do you have to badmouth my lovely state? You may not care for it anymore, but there are plenty of people who do (present company included). I certainly, considering that yes, I do find issue with some things that go on here, full on understand that Cali ain't for errr-body, and errr-body ain't for Cali. . .

Have I ever thought about moving? Sure: To Hotlanta, Denver (for some reason I'm obsessed with Denver and have never been there), New York (Manhattan in particular) Dallas, and New Orleans (that's out). Hey, and eventually, maybe I will and maybe I won't, but not because I'm fleeing the CA. Just because I want to.

Everwhere you go, you are going to take issue with something. I was not born out here, but I was raised here. In the city that I was born in, the houses are a steal, but the gas prices are sky high. My father's gas/electric bill was five hundred dollars for the month. (His house payment is only 400.00).

With that said, I'm about to give it to you straight, with no chaser.

Yes, there is a premium for living in California. I full on understand that. You are paying for many things, comparable to what you are paying for to live in New York City as well. Perhaps people bitch about that as well who live there, but I don't have to hear it.

Sidebar: This is for CA residents who understand this part, IN particular: So many people out here move to the sticks of California, so that they can afford a home. I'm not knocking, it because I don't own that kind of property, yet. But I will be dayum if I drive a hundred miles inland, EACH WAY, with wear and tear on my car, health, and livelihood (not to mention the small fortune in gas), just so I can say I have a three bedroom 2.5 bath with a foyer.

If you move out of California because you can't afford a house out here, just say so. But don't bad mouth it. Why. . .

Because California is home to so many important things, first of which are world famous authors , artists, political commentators, florence nightengales, behind the scenes movers and shakers, and teacher extraodinaires.

It is also home to:

La Jolla (and La Jolla Beach, near San Diego, California, one of the most beautiful beaches and locations in all of CA)

LA Slauson Swap Meet - The place where you can find anything and everything for your all too ghetto fabulous friends and family!

Rodeo Drive - Your own personal wish list, and if you do your money right, the place to go for style specific things: The LV, Gucci, Tiffany, Boss, DeBeers, Coach, Guess, Prada, all their own stores, how fun is that!?!

OJ Simpson Bronco Chase. Sorry kids, had to be there. If YOU think that it was exciting seeing it on TV, imagine knowing that this brother was passing through in your town. Talk about some NegroMustSeeTV!

Monterey, CA - A beautiful Central Coast community, full of quaint bed and breakfast inns, and an aestetically pleasing location for relaxing, and honeymooning.

West Coast Rappers! Snoop Doggy, Dogg. . .THE DAWG. Not to mention Dre, Tupac, NWA,

The San Fran-Cisco Golden Gate Bridge - A true San Francisco Treat! Mildy frightening to drive over, but hey, I'm a thrill seeker.

Home of Numerous Infamous Killers, up to and including:

Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker, Erik and Lyle Menenedez and Scott Petersen.

AND, last but not least

Home of Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210 (Literally and Figuratively)!

We doing BIG THANGS out here in the Califor-Eye-A!

Live, from California, this P, reporting to you from K-PAT FM, the Pattyopolis Network. . .

PS: Do any of y'all get any beef about where y'all stay?

KPAT-FM's All Time Greatest Spankings

All this talk about Justin X and his current troubles, coupled with what Miss Ahmad had to say about getting in trouble has got me to thinking of all the horrific things that I got caught up in as a child. Well, I shouldn't say horrific, actually, considering I was a moderately well mannered child (or, at least I thought I was).

I think there are three times in my life that I've done things that are absolutely ridiculous. Sidebar: Whether or not your believe in parents spanking children is not the issue here, so if you take issue with that you are welcome to take it up with Fox News Sundays, Anderson Cooper 360 , or America's Black Forum.

So, I've listed my top three eff ups that have landed me in the hot seat (pun intended). I've left out the resident not coming inside on time, calling long distance number you didn't have any business doing, and not doing your chores. For me, these are the top three doozies:

Eff Up Number One: Second Grade. I went with my mother to my sisters junior high school Open House. Me, being me, and the baby of the family that I am, they were showing off all of my sisters awards and what not, and nobody was paying attention to me. I tried to get her attention, and she paid attention - to a point. But bottom line, she was there for my sister's open house. So, again, me not understanding the consequences and repercussions of what I was about to do, proceed to do something that is going to really get her attention. SO, I proceed to sit down on the floor (over my pleather coat), and pee. Yes, ladies and gentleman, not only did I pee on my pleather coat, but right on the floor of the library. My mother saw it seeping out from behind the jacket. Needless to say, I got it, and I got it good when I got home. I actually thought I was smooth sailing because I had taken a bath, dried off, and put on my clothes. My father spanked me that night. That was actually the first and last time that he did so (remember, I wasn't like a Bebe Kid or anything - I was pretty good).

Eff Up Number Two: Third Grade, Age Eight. This is the one that I call the grand-daddy of them all. Chucky, the neighborhood Billy Bad Ass, was across the street throwing pennies in the street. Of course, people were running into the street, grabbing them and waiting for more. I wasn't outside; however, I WAS witnessing what he was doing from the second story window of our house. Once again, me being the attention whore child that I was. I wasn't being the center of attention, decided that I wanted to 'one-up' him. So, what do I do. . .I go into my oldest sister's (18 years) room and grab her jar of silver dollars, gold coins, etc., and proceed to throw them in the air. Of course, this caused some PANDEMONIUM with the five to six kids that thought they had hit the jackpot, who in the fuuuck did I think I was the friggin Wiz making dreams come true or something? Did I mention that my sister's jewerly and class ring were in there, too. Yeah.

Well, who comes strolling down the street, and messes up all the fun. My middle sister (AKA the Family Stone). She was the girl on the block, that everybody was scared of. She screamed for everyone to put the money down and then she told me "Ooh, immatellmama!" I was so scared.

My mother was pissed. She called all the parents of the kids who had the loot, and dragged me to all the homes (they were on the same block) and had me retrieve the goods. Then I got spanked from one house to the next.

Yeah, I had that one coming.

Eff up number three: I was in the seventh grade, and my BFF at that time was Kim. She asked me to come over after school, and I said okay. (Nevamind that my momma told me to come straight home). But I liked Kim's house because they always had good sandwich bread and meat and we could have BBQ Lays chips and drinks. We went to her house and watched the Edge of Night, ABC Afterschool Special, then Video one, and then hung outside and played for awhile. Around six thirty, Kim's mom came home. She told me that she would take me home in about an hour. So about seven I decided to call my mom (FOR THE FIRST TIME. . .SCHOOL LET OUT AT 2:45 and let her know that I would be home around seven forty five. My mother was hot. She was like "You are going to get a whooping when you get home". I snickered. In my mind, I was like "Yeah, right, what YOU gone do, I'm twelve years old, okaaayy?" Man, as soon as I got in the door, it was on. . .That actually, was the last spanking I ever got. I don't even think that was a spanking, that was a whoopin.

So, readership, now it's your turn.

What sit-chi-a-shuns have gotten your behind in hot water? Spanking or no, I just wanna here the eff-ups.

The One That Got Away. . .

Yep.

I've had a few. And I've also been targeted as 'the one who got away'. BUT THIS ONE WAS A DOOZY. . .Maybe this is in God's design, but I know, that my foolishness accounted for a lot of it. As a result, I lost a solid, good man, who is solid gold to this day.

How I met him

When I was in junior college, a girlfriend of mines was 'talking' (what y'all know about that old school word, huh?) to another guy, and he had a friend (you know how that was back in the day). So, I readily went to meet him.

Boy was I impressed. He was tall, very attractive, well built, had a house, a decent car, no children, and he was only 25 years old! He worked for a major beverage manufacturer, and, me being me, I was like "Oh, you drive their trucks or something?" And he said, "No, dear, I'm in management". I was like oh.

"Kevin" would cook dinner for me, invite me over, and take me out. When I would drive over in my 1981 Toyota Cressida. . . Sidebar: Don't trip, I bought the car when it was nine years old you couldn't tell me Nathan in that). Sidebar: I really did think I was supa cute in my little automatic seatbelt Toyota Cressida, with my Guy, En Vogue, Troop, and Karyn White tapes in my car. Oh, my GOD, and I had a feather in my hair, too! Talk about being a freak.

Back to the lecture at hand: So, I would come over in my car, he would leave me in his house, come back, and would have filled up my gas tank for me. He was never fresh with me, and was always very respectful. . .Sometimes we would go to his house and watch American Gladiators, sometimes we would go out to the Red Onion (this is some back in the day Cali stuff FYI), and other times we would just hang out on the phone. . . Or for at least as long as I would let him.

What Went Wrong

Well, what do you THINK went wrong? At that time, my nose was wide open for this other fool I had met at the 3rd annual Soul Train Music Awards (this was when Lutha, Patti, and Dionne Warwick were hosting). I got a job as security through a friend of mines. My little job was supposed to be guarding Patti and Dionne's dressing room. (Like what is my unarmed a$$ supposed to do if somebody really tried to do something). Girl, so anyway, it was just a way to be at the awards show. I met him there. I was 'sprung' (nuther old school term) on him, and he was the first guy that I really did pretty much everything that allows me to make it a blockbuster night NOW! But of course, he was a playa. I'm sitting at home waiting on his calls, and of course, while waiting, I'm spending my time talking to "Kevin".

Sometimes my phone would click and it would be dude, and I would never click back to Kevin. I would go over his house and sit waaayyy on the other side of the couch just looking like a deer in headlights. Don't get me wrong; if you don't like someone, you don't like them. But that wasn't the issue. I liked him, I just liked the fool more. . .

Eventually, he got sick of the clicking over and not coming back. The coming over and shrinking to the other side of the couch, and just not being who I should have been. Can I chalk it up to age. . .Sure. But I won't. I take full on responsibility for being rude to him. He really like-ded-ded me, yanno?

Where He Is Now

I was reading about the coca cola strike one day in the LA times, and I saw where a manager was on the front lines, talking to the workers.

One guess as to who the manager was. . .

I nearly keeled over and broke my french manicured acrylic nails in the process. I don't even bite my nails and I had my hands in my mouth. I called my friend who works in Jury Services (Hey, supa, you know her, don'tcha?) and gave her his first and last name (I had forgotten his last name until I saw it in the paper. . .

This fool was still in the same house!

Me being me, I'm thinking "Wow, I could have gotten additions on the house at this point, been married ten plus years, maybe punched out a few kids, gotten a home equity line of credit on the house, and purchased more property, etc" (on his sheeat, mind you. . .)

Oh. . .Yeah, there were two other women living in the household, too, I found out. Looks like that's who he put as an emergency contact. Minor details. One had the same last name as him, and one didn't. So I deduced.

1. One maybe was his mother.
2. One was either his wife or girlfriend, who he is probably banging well, on a daily basis, because she comes home and is a good woman to him.

The good woman that I was not, at least not at that time.

Oh, well, such is life. If 'if's were fifths, we'd all be drunk. Yeah, I know that, too. But I do wonder 'what if?'

Ever been in a similar situation? Has anyone ever told you that you were the 'One Who Got Away?"

A Blogger's Tale

Dedicated to my blogger Fam-Bam. . .

As I was strolling on an unusually warm spring day, a koolbreeze hit me in my face. It could not come soon enough. It was such a joyous feeling. The sandals, sunglasses, and hat notwithstanding, the unusual temperatures were beating down on LA with a fierceness. This was spring, what happened to the April luv we were supposed to be getting at this time of year? I looked forward to relaxing shortly, at the spot, under a Cool AC.

Who am I? I am a registered nurse practitioner. A cute one at that. You might call me just a diva in scrubs. Currently, I am single, not particularly satisfied with it, but it is voluntary. My last boyfriend was cool, enough, I just think that we had too many personality conflicts. So, right now, I am on the prowl, on the search for rellevance, N Search of Ecstasy, and looking for Mr. Right – or Mr. Right Now.

I live modestly, but tastefully. I am tall, six feet even, and I like to rock the heels. People call me glamorous, an amazon, and that I’m living life to the fullest. Does that mean that I am living the Glamazon Life? HAHA, I crack myself up.

My personality profile is this: I tend to think that I am sexy, a superstar, funny, witty, with a hint of being sarccastik. Sometimes I can run my mouth so much it feels like you are in a whirlwind, But hey, that’s what makes me so irresistible. It’s what the good stuff is made of. I’m a well bred girl, born and raised in da durty south, a true Georgia Peach. Though, all in all, considering they pulled an Amistad on us, I like to pretty much think of myself as an African Girl in an American World.

I try and live my life with as much serenity and calm as possible, considering there is enough drama going on in this world. I try not to be one of those sisters that will drive a brother nuts with their attitudes, demands, and unreasonable expectations. I mean the way some women, particularly sisters can cut up sometimes, no wonder so many brothers tend to be on the verge of dating white girls.

But of course, I’m not here to crack on the sisters. We get down. We are ride or die chicks. We can dress and stomp with the best of them, cook clean, and be a hooka in the streets, without fail. I am a testament to that, I can strike a match and call myself a pure - d Supa Sista! We know how to sing, dance, comfort, entertain, and get down raw dawg buffalo style with a quickness. . .

Right, now, I'm on my way to listen to this new group drop some beats at The Cocoa Lounge, a kind of artsy-fartsy blacka-owned establishment uptown. A Cocoa Girl at a Cocoa Lounge, how cool is that?

Okay, this place rocks. I'm so loving this place. You always see people that are hella cool. Sometimes they play music, other times, they have praise dancers, sometimes it's spoken word - you know, homegrown poetry and essays. One in particular I like is J to the G, she drops rhymes and philosophcizes about deep sheeat. She actually reads directly out of her journal which lays credibility to her rhymes; we informally have it pegged as the Diary of Jaimie. I wonder if that's a prop or is all that stuff true? Whatever scene or room you choose to be in, this place is full of life and love seven days a week. Most of all, I love this place. It's a place where I can let my hair down, forget about my life, my shit, and just concentrate on being me.

You see all kinds of folks here. I'm waiting right now on my Malibu Rum and Pineapple drink, just surveying the place. Okay, hold up. No, that girl Tam is NOT over there flirting with the bartender just to get a free drink! Not cute. Okay, well maybe she wasn't, but that's what it looks like. And look at THIS cat! There is this brother that always comes in that it like totally pimped out. I have him pegged as Dressed to a T-Casanova type guy. I mean he stays suited and booted, he must be the closet owner of all kinds of designer gear!

Oh yeah, and the owner of the establishment gives her opinions from time to time as well, and if you are within earshot, the sheeat is hilarious! See, before she moved out here, she was livin' and lovin' life in Iowa, and this place was a little bit of culture shock for her. She always starts her sentences off with "I just want to know WHY. . ." and then she goes into it! She calls them Missy's Mental Musings. See why I love this place? It's kind of in the cut, but it has a cult following. And people are always wondering, what am I doing here? Well, you can see why!

And don't let her husband Dallas Penn get in the middle of it he's louder than her, he always says "Baby tell 'em the truf, but you know these folks, they can't handle the truf". They're cool, though, they are like our ghetto style humanity critics.

Looks like the show's about to start. I guess that's it for now. You've seen a little bit of what I like to do and what I like to be involved in. The Memoirs of A Non-Geisha, I guess you can call it.

So, what do you think? I'm One Cool Sista, huh?

The White Man Has the Power!

Or, so I thought. . .but at least I thought that's the deal was. Perhaps there was a double entendre going on, as least in my mind!

What, might you ask, am I referring to?

Well, I'm referring to the fact that often times, we recite words of a song, thinking we're precocious children, know it all teenagers, up on thangs young adults, and got it going on grown folks. Tam and I were talking about this the other day, so I decided to write about it!

I myself, have fallen victim to several re-wording of songs. Like to hear it, hear it goes.

Steve Wonder has a song, and I would sing this song all day when I was a child. I would say "You're the Only Woman, What's wrong with me, You're the only woman, baby can't you see?" Who knew that the song was "Boogie On Reggae Woman?" Who knew?

Atlantic Starr - If you're heart Isn't in it. I used to say "It's a bad time situation. . .It could fall apart at any time. . ." Well, it's a fragile situation and it's a bad time situation, isn't it all the same, anyway? :)

Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes - Well, how I was I supposed to know that he was saying "No Wise Man Has the Power to reason away". I would yell as a child "The White Man Has the Power, it's slipping away!"

Planet Rock - I don't know anything about that song except for Rock, Rock, to the Planet Rock, don't stop and it's the Soul, Sonic Force! Everything else about that song is a blur.

Good Times - I kind of get the impression that all of us knew the same words. I tell you what, I used to say "Easy Cradle Rip Off" instead of "Easy Credit Rip Offs". I also didn't know the last sentence right before "Ain't we lucky we got em, which is" "Hanging in a Chow Line (Good Times)", until I saw Dave Chappelle talk about it on his show!

Bennie and the Jets - First of all, this is one of my all time greatest songs, but who knew the words to this. But I guarantee you, that everyone here that knows about old school has sung this entire song, and loved every bit of it. I'm about to let y'all know the lyrics of the part that I KNOW all of y'all sing, so stop frontin: She's got electric boots a mohair suit You know I read it in a magazine (eeeh, oooh!). BBB Bennie and the Jets (Yo a$$ knew that part, didn'tcha!. (By the way, I just looked that sheeat up). Iknowwhatyoudoin, you're humming in in your mind trying to figure out what you have been saying all these years, arentcha! Isn't that one of the greatest live recordings?!?

By the way, I still don't sing Stevie Wonder and Elton John songs they way the lyrics are spelled out; too traumatizing. I would rather keep it safe and pure in my little childlike mind.

I could go on and on (you have no idea), but I won't. I know this much is true. . . I KNOW I am not the only one. So, readers. . .It is your turn.

What songs have you effed up, and, have you gotten it right, yet?

Co-Workers from Hell

I remember, on the Kings of Comedy, I believe, that DL Hughley said that there is always one co-worker where you are this close to whipping their a$$. Of course, considering that the audience roared with laughter, and he also mentioned "Well, if you're not laughing, you are probably the one that everybody doesn't like".

Yes, that co-worker. The crazy, deranged, coworker. The tattletale, the one that will throw you under the bus. The hoverer, the finger pointer, the resident kiss ass, and anything in between. You name it, we've got them. I've got a few that is this close to going on workers compensation with me.

Co-worker number one: She's an administrative assistant. She thunders down here on a regular basis, hoo-banging on either my supervisor, or myself. She constantly makes a mountain out of a molehill and tries to monopolize your time on a bunch of tomfoolery she can handle on her own. She is never at her desk, because everytime she needs something, she barrels down to the department in question and hovers at their desk until at least they give her a tentative answer. She generally doesn't deal with me unless absolutely necessary. She has told other people in and out of my department that I hate her. I do not hate her. I just don't respond to her hoo-banging, and she knows that.

Co-worker number two: The girl is a hot mess. She is classic for throwing people under the bus. I don't deal with her at all. One time, she asked where does a computer get returned to for a resigning employee. I referred her to the IT department. She then proceeded to rant and rave about how, because I work in HR, it is MY job to do this and that she shouldn't have to run around and figure this out. She cc'd my supervisor and hers. First off, I'm not IT, who do I look like, Dilbert? Second, you return old computers to the IT department. Third, just so all of you know, I'm not a big fan of cc'ing folks, unless they need to be included in the email for FYI purposes. Do not do it to CYA. The CYA IS your email. And if you think that cc'ing your supervisor and mines is going to make me jump you have another thing coming, I'm not intimidated by your supervisor or mines, so you can just forget that. I actually told my supervisor "You can respond to her, because I KNOW you don't want me to!" She has also been well documented (and J to the G) can testify to this, as to throwing her own department employees under the bust, getting them this close to being disciplined and/or terminated.

Co-worker number three: Chronic Complainer. Nothing is ever right for her. She is also an administrative assistant, who complains about her pay on a regular basis. She is upset that she is getting _______________ amount of money less than other admins. Look, you signed on the dotted line for your amount, and they negotiated for another amount. Is your department head REALLY supposed to up the ante on your salary nearly 20 percent (which is what she wants) because you don't like what you are getting paid. One, develop some more skill sets other than sashaying around the office talking about your pay. Then you will have the ammo to present a salary increase, instead of balking about your pay. That taints your character. Two, secure other employement if you are dissatisfied with your pay that much. Finally, what kind of precedent does she think that this will make if they just give her a 20 percent pay increase on GP? If that's the case, I want one, too.

Co-worker number four: He asks you these 'don't be afraid to ask dumb questions' questions, and then wonder why you are staring at him in disbelief. Such as "My bank won't cash my checks anymore because I put in the payroll system my nickname instead of my birthname", or "If employees get paid unlimited jury duty how many days is that", or "Why should I let my employees have a stress day off - Even though they were robbed at gunpoint, no one was hurt".

Co-worker number five: Sometime during the day, she will repeat something that you said where you KNOW you weren't talking that loud. Does it with you and everyone else. She also notices if she THINKS you have on something new, or if someone came in late, or if someone has been on the phone a little too much. Man, relax, go get some, do something, but stay out of grown folks bidness!

Co-worker number six: Passenger/Shotgun/Jailhouse HR Consultant. They attempt to recite what is going on in the HR world via the Labor Law Manual, or proceed to recite what they know out of the union book. Problem is, they conveniently leave out any caveats, or recite it improperly, but it sure sounds good to the lay person, who tries to use it as ammunition. Example Employee: "The union contract says that I get sick pay". HR (me:)"Yes it does, but if you have less than one year of service, the entire time is unpaid". Shut the eff up.

Had to be said, enough said.

So, who is your co-worker from hell, past or present? Do tell. . .

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I was reading Supa's post about getting out of jury duty, and I started hyperlinking into different posts and topics regarding her sister. This was before I was in the blogging community, so I had no idea of the tragic circumstances surrounding her sister.

That got me to thinking. Here is a woman that desperately misses her sister, and has to live without her physically every day for the rest of her natural life on this earth.

And, here I have a sister who I wish was dead.

I should not say that. I don't actually literally feel that way, but because I can be honest on here, I'm telling, you theoretically, that I often wonder would it be better, at least, if her children KNEW where she was. Lately, as it is going on four years of her being gone, would that be better.

She got out of jail on Saturday in Las Vegas, where she has lived for the past four years, and she called me house, did not say hi, did not say anything, but scream in my ear "Do you know where momma is?" Well, that triggered so many emotions in me, one of which was "Bitch, this is MY phone; don't call my house asking where momma is", and proceeded to slam the phone down in her face, well, as dramatic as you can slam down a cordless phone, doesn't give off the same effect, yanno?

Both my aunt and my dad told my mother (and this was confirmed through my caller ID as well), that she was calling from a '925' area code. 925 area code out here is in Northern California/San Francisco/Pleasanton California area. Well, for the past four years, she has 'resided' for lack of a better word, in Las Vegas. My mother, being the naive (not dumb, just naive to the seedy ways of the world - and people), is puzzled as to why she is now in Northern California, and is now wondering if she is trying to 'work' her way back home.

I don't have the heart to tell her that my sister probably headed out of dodge as soon as she got out of jail, and that she probably set up shop in another major metropolitan, considering the police probably have harassed her enough there. I don't have the heart to tell her that her daughter is a whore, and that they move around in areas once they keep getting caught. I don't have the heart to tell her that if her daughter does not straighten up, very soon she will end up in jail, or worse.

With that said, I feel Supa's pain, but I cannot relate. I never had that type of positive relationship with my sister, at least not to memory. She was always easily influenced. The Family Stone was stealing by the age of nine, smoking by the age of thirteen, ditching at the age of 15, a mother by the age of 19, getting investigated on her job for theft by the age of 23, and whatever else you can think of. She used my checks when I was 19 up to 300.00, causing me to lose my bank account for five years and get on chex systems. She used my name on the subway, got caught evading fare, used my name, and I ended up having a warrant for my arrest. She missed my high school graduation because she let her baby daddy use her car, while she caught the bus, and while she paid for his car to be in the shop to get a 24 karat gold steering wheel put on it. (He had a lowered Maxima, you know how that was back in the day).

She has told people I'm a stuck up bitch who is the favorite of the family. She has told people that I not love her or her kids. She has told people that I tell people that she is adopted stepchild (actually, I did question that (hehe) because she acts so friggin weird), she's like that cousin in Soul Food nobody wants to see coming.

I never had a relationship with her where I could talk on the phone, go shopping with her, go over her house and kick it, have dinner. I never told her about my first crushes, pains, agonies or anything like that. I am the baby child, but I often feel like the oldest. I try to like her, but I feel a blockage. I am not bitter, but I just don't like her. I don't know how.

What I want to know is? Is there anyone (family, or foe), that you just can't get along with, and nothing seems to work? Or, have you ever? (PS: They don't have to be as crazy as her; maybe too nosey or messy)

Scenes We Love

Inspired by Supa, Mwabi, and D in DC, all this movie talk lately got me to thinking:

Whether you have a movie night out with your sweetie or the homies, or hang out at the spot with a DVD (doesn't 'video' sound better), movies are always relaxing, and enjoyable as a pastime.

I like movies and music. I think it's a good conversation piece, and it's always an excellent utilization tool to bring people together, particularly when referring to certain scenes.

Scenes we love. We can recite them, cry about them, laugh about them, rejoice in them, cheer for the victor, and boo the spoiler (even though we may secretly vy for them).

Here are some of my favorite scenes - some of which make the movie. Caution/Warning: If you have not seen some of these movies, and do not want to know some of the pivotal scenes in them, then pass 'em on over.

Glory - Denzel Washington. The scene when he was caught trying to get some food (which later turned out to be looking for shoes). When the Colonel ordered him whipped, and Denzel whipped that shirt off of him, the feeling is just, indescribable. And when they commence to whipping. You could feel every lash, every hit, and winced, uncomfortably so especially at first, at what you were witnessing. And Denzel's face, oh, that's classic. And that one tear. Unforgettable. He, himself believes that is what won him the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.

Claudine - Actually, this whole movie is full of classic scenes, but I had to choose just a few. . .The social worker scene ranks upon one of the BEST of ALL TIME! I grew up looking FORWARD to that scene. Just some classic negro MustSeeTV! The other one, when she beat her daughter with a hairbrush, well, at the time, as a child, I didn't understand why. I full on understand now the magnitude and intensity of her frustration behind that. By the way, Claudine is about the age I am now (she's a few years older), but dang if I don't feel like I pale in comparison to her. . . I sure am glad that I don't have six kids, though!

Gladiator - When Maximus is dying at the end, and he is trying to 'open' up the door to the next life, and he pushes the door, I swear you can feel it. Hell, I almost felt like opening the door for him! And that echo-y, operatic music is playing in the background, and then all of a sudden he is called back and he gives the directive that is straight from Marcus Aurelius. And then he is gone. Then, the woman comes out and strolls and gives her final spiel, then says "He was a soldier of Rome. . .Honor him". And she leaves the Ruler of Rome, Commodus (brillantly played by Joaquin Phoenix), right there! Just a bone chilling wonderful moment!

Boyz in the Hood - Two Scenes: Picture is associated with - when they were harassed by the police. Man, when Trey swings his fists in the air, and fights, and then collapses into Nia Long's arms - I think every brother at some point in time in the hood at least, could emphasize with his pain. Second scene is when Rickey is murdered, and he is hauled into the living room by Dough Boy. The next several minutes are painful - and riveting. Anyone who saw that scene in the movies on the big screen - well, your heart was in your throat. (or as we say it, Thoat!)

The Notebook - When she looks up and says "I remember now - It's Us" and he scoops her up in his arms and they dance and start communicating with each other again, and suddenly, out of nowhere, she experiences dementia again, and they cart her off and he his heartbroken. During that scene, aren't you?

The Color Purple - There was something in the air, and they could all feel it. What a wonderful camera angle, when we saw everyone who had came from Africa (Nettie and the children) and Whoopi coming down the stairs towards them. Then we heard that wonderful yelp of "Nettieeeeee!" And her sister was so overwhelmed, she could barely say her name. . .And so you know the rest of the scene, up to and including Mister watching. Didn't you feel like you were there. Classic Negro MustSeeTV!

Mr. Hollands Opus - When Mr. Holland retired, and he didn't think anyone noticed (or cared), and he went in the auditorium, and everyone was waiting, singing and all, and then at the end, when the govenor (one of his former students), asks him to conduct The American Symphony (the score he has been working on all HIS LIFE and the curtain opened and several of his former students were there!) When he started playing and he was near tears and his wife had the camera. Everyone realized, then, more than ever, what a talent they had. I CANNOT watch this scene without bawling.

Kill Bill, Vol. 2 - Of course, we have fantasies of pulling some bomb a$$ stunts, like 'the Bride' executed flawlessly by Uma Thurman). There are many scenes to choose from, but one I like to think of is the one where she was buried alive, and she finally drew from within, remembering her teachings from Pai Mae, and she gets going. Everytime she hits that casket, you feel like that is you, while she gets herself out of that grave. I'm kind of morbid, I've even watched that scene over and over fantasizing about it. Of course, I would prolly end up dead from screaming and crying so loud and wouldn't have gave an eff about Pai Mae's teachings. The accompayning music blends in perfect with the exhilarating, feel good, engrossing moment. Love it.

Crooklyn - When the matriarch of the family passes, the spouse and the children are devastated. It takes the baby (and the only girl, boy-ishly named Troy) awhile to break down, but once she does, she realizes that her mother was in a lot of pain, and she says, very bravely, that she is glad she is not in pain anymore. Then "A Mighty Love" by the Spinners, starts playing softly in the background, and the progresses louder, where you see people talking and laughing, and just moving on in life. It shows that even in the deepest darkest hours, life goes on. . . Love it. Oh, I also like when Troy goes to visit her great aunt in that fancy house and she loses the dog. Gotta see the movie (and know a lot of older stuffy black women) to understand the hilarity (is that a word) of it!

The Five Heartbeats - Who can forget when Eddie Kane Jr. came to the concert after he was replaced by Flash. Weren't you embarassed for him when he was standing there looking (more) slender than usual, with some outdated clothes. And then when he opened up his coat?!? Once again, a classic Negro MustSeeTV moment! And everybody who has seen that movie KNOWS what song he was sanging. . .

Who makes the scores for all these movies, because they are the bomb!

Okay, I know it was a long post. So, do you agree with any of these? I have more, but hey, I could go on and on. . .What are some of your favorites?